as someone who's had long, luxurious locks since i was a toddler in the pageant circuit...
W: Five, six, seven, eight. Step ball change, step, step. Seven, eight. Step ball change, step, step. You guys go. Step ball-Brittany?
B: Couch Sylvester didn't tell me to do this.
I don't think you're ready for this jelly / I don't think you're ready for this jelly / I don't think you're ready for this / 'cause my body's too bootylicious for ya babe
R: Mr. Schue, you seem concerned.
W: What? No! I mean they were great but we're just as good.
R: Mr. Schue, if I may.
R: What they were doing was just all smoke and mirrors. It's called hairography.
W: What?
R: Hairography. All the whizzing of their hair around just to distract from the fact that they're not good dancers and their vocals were just so-so.
R: Trust me. We have nothing to be afraid of.
W: Alright, guys. I did some thinking last night. I think I found our new number for Sectionals. We're going to do the title song from Hair. Now this show started a revolution
P: Did they have mohawks back then? Like in the '20s or whatever.
F: Yeah, Mr. Schue, if we're going to do a song about hair shouldn't we have more hair?
W: One step ahead of you. Here are your wigs.
R: Mr. Schuester, what are you doing? We are fine where we are. We don't need hairography. It's just a distraction.
W: Look I have to be honest, those Jane Adams girls did freak me out a little. And I'm worried about our chances for Sectionals. We have to pull out all the stops if we want to win.
W: Looking great, guys!
Q: Thank God for Puck. Thanks to him I'm starting to realize that what I need right now - even more than looser pants - is acceptance. Everyone is putting so much pressure on me. It's so easy for them to be distracted. I don't have that luxury. I am under siege. Maybe the problem isn't that I don't want to keep the baby. The problem is I don't want to keep the baby with Finn.
Q: Maybe I didn't give Puck enough of a chance. He is the real dad after all. Finn would freak if I started spending time with Puck though. I need to distract him so I can take Puck for a test drive. But how?
Q: Eh, forget about it. She looks like a five year old. Still... maybe with a little bit of make-up.
Q: Hey, Kurt. Can I pick your pink brain for a second?
K: Why hello, Quinn. To what do I owe the honor? I do believe this is the first time you've ever spoken to me.
Q: I'm sorry about that. Anyways, I have a proposition to make. A make-over.
K: I'm in! Make-overs are like crack to me. My suggestion? Spanks. Or a double light camisole with a control top for the baby bump. Also, baby doll dresses? Dead giveaway.
Q: Not for me. For Rachel.
K: And why would I want to do that? I admit I like a challenge as much as the next guy but Rachel somehow manages to dress like a grandmother and a toddler at the same time.
Q: My point exactly. You're as concerned about the Glee Club succeeding as I am and she's a distraction. Look at her. She's wearing a pantsuit. Don't you think the judges are going to take one look at her and maybe want to knock her down a peg or two?
And to think I thought you were a dumb blonde. Deal.
K: The key is to never wax above the eyebrow. Always shape from below.
K: Trust me, I get a lot of practice. Look at mine.
R: Kurt... why did you volunteer to give me a new look?
K: One, I'm a sucker for make-overs. And two, you need something to distract from your horrible personality.
K: Most of the time I find it hard to be in the same room with you. Especially this one which looks like where Strawberry Shortcake and Holly Hobby come to hook-up.
K: You're extremely talented, Rachel. Watching you perform is amazing. But sometimes it's hard to appreciate what a good singer you are because all I'm thinking about is shoving a sock into your mouth.
R: What kind of make-over did you have in mind?
K: We need to broaden your appeal. I want every boy in school to do a double-take when you strut pass.
R: There's really only just... one boy that I'd like to impress. Can you keep a secret?
K: Of course.
R: I'm in love with Finn.
K: Really? I understand completely.
K: Let's move on to make-up. I happen to know for a fact that Finn is attracted to loose women.
R: What? Q-Quinn is so wholesome.
K: Let me put this into musical theater parlance. In Grease what did Sandy do to get Danny Zuko? She had to ditch the poodle skirt and slap on a cat suit. In short, she had to dress like a ho.
K: Maybe if your look was better, more desirable, Finn would be in your arms right now instead of Quinn's.
F: Hey, Rachel!
R: Oh! Hey, Finn. I didn't see you there. Did you want to ask me something?
F: ...um, yeah, I just forgot. I got distracted.
R: Well, I'm glad I got your attention.
R: I wanted to know if you wanted to come over on Friday night. As someone who's had long, luxurious locks since I was a toddler in the pageant circuit, I figured I could give you some tips on our hair number.
F: Yeah! That-That'd be great.
R: Great. How's eight o'clock?
F: Eight is terrific! It's terrific.
K: Objective achieved. Commence phase two.
W: Some of you, particularly the guys, have come up to me with some questions about hairography. One of our own has volunteered to walk us through it. She has got it down. Brittany, take it away.
B: Take what away?
W: Show us what you got.
B: Oh. So, hairography, it works best when you pretend like you're getting tasered. So you just move your head around like your spazzing and stuff.
W: There it is.
A: Wow.
S: Yay, Brittany.
B: Guys, it's like cool epilepsy.
W: C'mon, guys. Let's see what you got. Good guys! Yeah, just relax and go for it.
T: Whoa.
R: Looks crazy.
M: My neck! My back!
W: When is the lying going to stop, Sue?
S: I don't know what you're talking about.
W: You've been spying on me and we both know it. You'll do anything to torpedo Glee Club and it's got to stop!
S: I resent that accusation, William. And one I understand you've been making to our friends at Haverbrook and Jane Adam's and it's an outrageous affront to my sterling reputation! That being said, fine, I have been checking up on you because I don't like what's going on in there.
S: Do you know why I make my each of my Cheerios wear her hair pulled back in a ponytail? Because I don't want to distract from her impeccable talent. You seem to be taking the opposite approach, Will. And that leads me to believe you know your kids don't have what it takes.
W: I believe in my kids.
S: Well, maybe in the beginning but not now. Now that you've seen the competition that threatens your very position in this school! You're going to get me an updated set list by five o'clock tomorrow. And if there's anything on that list that involves demeaning, fruity hair tossing, I'm cutting it!
W: I will not let you dictate my number choices. And you are not getting that list.
S: Well then I'm back as co-director.
R: I'll just be a second.
F: Thanks again for helping me out with hairography stuff.
R: Yeah. I-I mean, you know, it's all about getting warmed up. Could you think of a song maybe that we could practice with? What about the one from Grease? Y-you know, we did it when you first joined the club.
F: Well, uh, okay. Only I was mostly nervous that day but if-
R: Tell me about it, stud.
I got chills / They're multiplyin'
And I'm losin' control / 'Cause the power / you're supplyin' / it's electrifyin'!
You better shape up / 'cause I need a man / and my heart is set on you
F: Wait. Stop.
R: What's wrong?
F: I need to be honest with you. I'm-I'm really uncomfortable right now and I'm going to say this as nicely as I possibly can but you look like... a sad clown hooker.
R: What?
F: This look... it just isn't you. I mean maybe when I first saw it I was caught off-guard by the fact that you looked all... adult and stuff
F: But it's not what's really great about you, Rachel. I actually like the way you usually dress. Sequin leg warmers and stuff.
R: I thought this is what you liked.
F: No. Not at all.
F: Funny, I was just having this conversation last week with Kurt and he asked me.
K: So what kind of girls do you like?
F: Oh, uh, well I like it when they're natural and stuff. Not a lot of make-up, not skin tight clothes, that sort of thing, you know?
K: Totally.
R: I feel like an idiot.
F: No, no. This is my fault. It isn't right for me to be here anyway.
F: But I really like you, Rachel.
F: I got to go.
R: You set me up! With Finn.
K: Looks like someone is running for drama queen again.
R: How could you do that? I thought we were friends.
K: And what made you think that?
K: You should be thanking me. All I did was to help you realize that your schoolgirl fantasy of running off with Finn was nothing but a fairytale.
R: You like him.
R: Yeah, that's-that's what this is and you were just trying to eliminate the competition.
K: I was just helping him understand that you are not a viable second choice.
R: You think I'm a second choice?
K: A distant second.
R: You think I'm living in a fairytale? If I was second or I were fifth, I still would be ahead of you because I'm a girl.
K: Okay here's the dope, princess. There's no hope for either of us. He loves Quinn. They're having a baby together. We're nothing but distractions. The sooner we realize that the better.
W: Thank you all for coming. We are so honored to have you here. So without further ado, I present the New Directions.
Yes! So crazy right now / Most incredibly / It's your boy, Artie / It's your girl, Mercedes / You ready?
I look and stare so deep in your eyes / I touch on you more and more every time / When you leave I'm beggin you not to go / Call your name two, three times in a row
I'm hairy high and low / Don't ask me why / I don't know
Got me lookin so crazy right now / Your love's got me lookin so crazy right now / (Your love) / Got me lookin so crazy right now your touch's / Got me lookin so crazy right now / (Your touch)
Gimme head with hair / Long beautiful hair / Shining, gleaming / Streaming, flaxen, waxen
Got me hoping you page me right now your kiss's / Got me hoping you save me right now / Lookin so crazy your love's got me lookin / Got me lookin so crazy your love / (Your hair’s got me crazy in love)
Got me lookin so crazy right now / Your love's got me lookin so crazy right now / (Your love) / Got me lookin so crazy right now your touch's / Got me lookin so crazy right now / (Your touch)
Down to here / Down to there / Down to there / Down to where / It stops by itself / Well it stops by itself
Got me lookin so crazy right now / Your love's got me lookin so crazy right now / Got me lookin so crazy right now your touch's / Got me lookin so crazy right now
R: It didn't work at all, did it?
W: It's just the rehearsal. It's still just a little rough. But we're on to something.
Imagine there's no Heaven / It's easy if you try / No hell below us / Above us only sky / Imagine all the people / Living for today
Imagine there's no countries / It isn't hard to do / Nothing to kill or die for / And no religion too / Imagine all the people / Living life in peace
You may say that I'm a dreamer / But I'm not the only one / I hope someday you'll join us / And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions / I wonder if you can / No need for greed or hunger / A brotherhood of man / Imagine all the people / Sharing all the world
You may say that I'm a dreamer / But I'm not the only one / I hope someday you'll join us / And the world will live as one
W: We're starting from scratch. Grab a stool.
A: So we're a stool choir now?
W: No. We're not dancing with the stools. No gimmicks. No false theatricality. We're just going to sit in them and sing.
R: Thanks, Mr. Schuester.
You with the sad eyes / Don't be discouraged / Oh I realize / It's hard to take courage / In a world full of people / You can lose sight of it all / And the darkness inside you / Can make you feel so small
But I see your true colors / Shining through / I see your true colors / And that's why I love you / So don't be afraid to let them show / Your true colors / True colors are beautiful / Like a rainbow
Show me a smile then / Don't be unhappy, can't remember / When I last saw you laughing / If this world makes you crazy / And you've taken all you can bear / You call me up / Because you know I'll be there
But I see your true colors / Shining through / I see your true colors / And that's why I love you / So don't be afraid to let them show / Your true colors / True colors are beautiful / Like a rainbow
I ♥ Rachel Berry