some things i cannot change but till i try, i'll never know
W: Alright, guys! We're doing a new number for Sectionals. Now, I know pop songs have sort of been our signature pieces but I did a little research on past winners and turns out that the judges like songs that are more accessible. Stuff they know. Uh, standards, Broadway.
K: Defying Gravity? I have an iPod shuffle dedicated exclusively to selections from Wicked. This is amazing.
W: You think you can handle it, Rachel?
R: It's my go to shower song. It's also my ringtone.
M: Why do we have to go all vanilla on this song? See, what we need is my chocolate thunder.
W: Okay, we don't have the time to rearrange the song for you, Mercedes. Rachel is singing it. Don't worry. We'll find something for you to dip in chocolate.
W: Onto item two. The school won't pay for the special bus we need to take Artie and his wheelchair with us to Sectionals.
T: W-w-what?
R: That's completely unfair.
W: So, we're going to have to raise money to pay for it ourselves. See, when I was in Glee Club and we needed new silk cummerbunds for Regionals, we held a bake sale.
S: What you're joking, right? I mean bake sales are kind of bougie.
W: So, hip people stopped eating delicious sugary treats?
B: It's not that. It's most of us don't know how to bake. I find recipes... confusing.
R: My family is fully committed to take-out.
F: Yeah, Mr. Schue, kids are busier than when you went here. We've got homework, football, teen pregnancy, lunch.
M: Can't Artie's dad just take him?
W: I can't believe how insensitive you're all being.
W: Aren't you a team?
Q: Of course but Artie understands. Don't you, Artie?
A: Oh, of course. It's cool. Anything that takes time away from rehearsal doesn't serve the team.
K: I have something I'd like to say. I want to audition for Wicked solo.
W: Kurt, there's a high f in it.
K: That's well within my range.
W: Well, I think Rachel is going to be fine for the female lead. But I'm happy to have you try out for something else, Kurt. And we'll make sure it's got a killer high note.
W: Anyway, I wanted to say something to you guys. I was a little disappointed at how you were so willing to take the bus to get there to Sectionals and make Artie drive by himself with his dad. We're a team, guys. We're in this Glee Club together.
M: Artie doesn't care. His dad drives him everywhere.
A: I do care. It kind of hurt my feelings.
R: We didn't think you would take it personally.
A: Well, you're irritating most of the time but don't take that personally.
W: I don't know if you guys really understand how much harder Arties has to work just to keep up.
A: Preach.
W: We're riding to Sectionals together or we're not going at all. And to pay for the bus, we're having a bake sale. St. Ignatius Nursing Home was having a tag sale. And my AV Club friends here agreed to help out.
W: For the next week, each of you is going to spend three hours a day in a wheel chair. Oh, oh, and we're doing a wheel chair number.
B: You can't discriminate against my kid because of his sex, religion, political affiliation or the fact that he's queer as a three dollar bill! And I won't accept it.
F: This isn't academics or athletics, Mr. Hummel. It's an arts program. And Mr. Schuester's judgments are subjective.
B: You put on a blindfold and listen to my kid sing and you will swear you're listening to Ronnie Spector.
W: Wait-
B: Don't try to backpedal on this, Schuester.
W: I was just going to agree with you.
W: I know this is going to be hard on you, Rachel, but I can't in good conscious preach about the importance of helping Artie and then reject Kurt's request out of hand.
R: So, you're giving him my part?
W: Now, I can't just give him the part. That would be just as wrong but I can let him audition.
B: What, you mean like a tryout? Alright, that seems fair.
R: This is totally unfair. You gave me the part.
W: And I will give it to you again if you can sing the song better than Kurt.
B: Okay, this seems like a reasonable deal but how do I know this isn't just some show to stop me from taking a flamethrower to this place? Who's going to judge?
W: Now, all of you are going to judge. And in the spirit of full access, each of you is going to get a vote. Whatever singer has the most votes gets the part.
R: This isn't going to be about talent, Mr. Schuester. It's going to be a popularity contest.
K: Stop right there.
K: Mr. Schue, if I may? We all know I'm more popular than Rachel. And I dress better than her.
K: But I want you all to promise me that you're going to vote for whoever sings the song better. Raise your right hand. Your right hand, Brittany.
S: It's this one.
B: Sorry.
K: Repeat after me, 'I promise to vote for whoever sings the song better'.
A: I promise to vote for whoever sings the song better.
M: Of course you.
K: It's on.
W: Alright, guys.
R: Maybe one of these days you'll find ways to create teaching moments without ruining my life.
A: The key to a double turn is to just go for it. You push with the right wheel and pull as hard as you can with the left and find a spot on the wall to spot you so you don't get dizzy.
W: Okay, guys. Take five, alright? Oh, and remember to show up early on Thursday.
W: It's Rachel versus Kurt for the big solo.
A: Careful! Respect the chair.
F: There's your problem. You just had a bent push rim. Good as new.
R: Thanks, Finn. You're the only one who's willing to help me.
R: I'm really nervous about the diva off tomorrow.
F: Don't be.
R: I don't want to win out of charity. I want to win the solo because it's right for the club. I really think that the judges at Sectionals will find a female version of Defying Gravity much more accessible.
R: But I don't think that's going to happen. People just don't like me.
F: Yeah, you might want to work on that.
F: I like you.
Q: We need to talk!
R: I'll get out of your way.
Q: No! You stay. I need a witness.
Q: Do you know what this is?
F: Oh, it's just a past due notice. My mom gets them all the time.
Q: Right, but if this sonogram bill doesn't get paid it's not your phone that's going to get cut off. You will get cut off. You need to help me with this, Finn, or else we're going to go our separate ways.
F: I'm screwed.
R: Not necessarily.
F: Good luck. I'm rooting for you.
W: Alright. Welcome to the Glee Club's first official diva off. Let's get this party started!
It's time to try / Defying gravity / I think I'll try / Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye / I'm defying gravity / And you won't bring me down
Some things I cannot change / But till I try, I'll never know
Well, if that's love / It comes at much too high a cost
Kiss me goodbye / I'm defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye / I'm defying gravity
Bring me down
R: Excuse me. Are you the manager?
M: Yes.
R: You need to hire my friend, Finn.
R: He is clearly handicapable and refusing to hire him can be seen as discrimination. My dads are gay.
R: And unless you want the full force of the American Civil Liberties Union coming down on you, I'd work something out.
P: Twelve hundred bucks. That's enough for the short bus and two cases of Natty Light for the ride home.
W: Oh, dream on, buddy. I'm very proud of you guys.
W: Artie, why don't you bring this to Principal Figgins yourself.
F: What's wrong, dude?
A: I really appreciate what you guys did for me but I'm not the only kid in a wheelchair at this school. And I'm sure there will be others after I graduate. And I know how important it is for all of us to go to Sectionals together but I think I'd rather just get a ride from my dad and use this for a handicap ramp in the auditorium.
W: Any objections?
F: Well, it sure beats having to carry him in everyday.
Rolling, rolling, rolling on a river / This one’s for you, Artie / Left a good job in the city / Working for the man every night and day / And I never lost one minute of sleeping / Worrying 'bout the way things might have been / Big wheels keep on turning / Oh the Proud Mary keeps on burning / And we're rolling (rolling) / Rolling yeah (rolling), rolling on the river (rolling on the river)
So I left a good job in the city / Working for the man every night and day / And I never lost one minute of sleeping / Worrying about the way things might have been / Big wheels keep on turning (turning) / Proud Mary keeps on burning (burning) / Rolling (rolling) Rolling (yeah), rolling on the river (rolling on the river) / Rolling (rolling) Rolling (yeah), rolling on the river (rolling on the river)
da do do do ba da da ba ba ba ba ba yeah
If you come down to the river (do do do) / I bet you gonna find some people who live (do do do) / You don't have to worry / If you have no money / The people on the river are happy to give / Big wheel keeps on turning (turning) / Proud Mary keeps on burning (burning) / Rolling (rolling) Rolling (rolling), rolling on the river (rolling on the river)
Rolling (rolling) Rolling (yeah), rolling on the river (rolling on the river)
da do do do ba da da ba ba ba ba ba yeah
M: How do you do it?
I ♥ Rachel Berry