hello my friend, hello.
it's time for a Leslie mega-post. We can do as my doucheface action research professor says, and "synthesize" the information i have to share. here goes:
Self-reflection/improvement/etc:
Trying the diet/exercise thing again. Starting to realize how quickly time is passing by. Trying to reorganize my priorities so that I burn out less and get more done, without cutting corners. Goal: to stop having dreams/nightmares with my students in them. Need to find boundaries that separate school and classes from my home life.
Also, though I'm not unhappy at all, I've been speaking really negatively lately. I do wear my worries on my sleeve. I need to make a conscious effort to be positive as often as reasonably possible, not only for myself, but because my kids read my attitude in a much more involved way than an outsider might think.
School:
School is damn fucking hard. It's no law school, but it's very challenging to be surrounded by two groups of people sending totally different messages. One side is teachers and co-sufferers of the program. "Yeah, teaching is hard, but you know your stuff and you can do this and you're making a difference and if you just use the following nine strategies your kids will love you for life." The other side is a bunch of self-absorbed, not-so-rich-or-pampered kids that are struggling with puberty and (for many of them) a shitty homelife. "This is too hard, I don't feel like it, I don't do homework, this sucks." And, while both sides seem to be talking at you instead of to you, they both desperately need you to be something better than you are. It's exhausting.
Next semester I'm taking more classes, I have to write a thesis (and all of the bullshit 15-page papers that prep for the thesis), my kids take midterms in two weeks and they're not ready and don't know how to study, and I'm going to somehow squeeze a regular gym routine into my schedule.
Christmas:
Christmas was a little disappointing. The magic of it is prettymuch gone. My mom didn't even buy me my Christmas gift, because apparently I was supposed to do it myself. Brian, however, is amazing. I am now entitled to nine horseback riding lessons at my mentor teacher's ranch in scenic mount airy, MD. Easily one of the most amazing gifts I've ever received; I've been dreaming of taking lessons since I was a kid. I start in March. And, every time we see something related to horses, I remember and freak out all over again. Brilliant.
The family aspect was a little harsh; I'm old enough to see my family sort of "go through the motions." It's not really the magical night/day it once was. We didn't even go to midnight mass this year. Lame :-/
The friends aspect was pathetic. My two bestests weren't home, my three fail-safes called each other (and not me), and I gave up on everyone else. Ran into a blast from the past in Target, though, and had dinner with a few people I haven't seen in a long time. That was pretty cool.
New Year's:
Was awesome. Brian and I went to Cheok's house in Damascus. There were only 6 of us (though other people dropped in every once-in-a-while), but both Bri and I had an awesome time. I miss drinking. Also, this guy Pat brought his Tennessee-bred girlfriend, and she is HILARIOUS when drunk.
When Brian was leaving my house tonight, I realized that it symbolized the end of my vacation, and I had a panic attack and sobbed like a little girl. He is very patient. I love it.
Love life:
Could probably not be better. *knocks on wood* I don't know where I'd be without him.
Outlook on coming months:
Nervous as hell, but nearly ready...as soon as I get the rest of this damn grading done. Go team.
Much love to everyone. Happy New Year :)
Self-reflection/improvement/etc:
Trying the diet/exercise thing again. Starting to realize how quickly time is passing by. Trying to reorganize my priorities so that I burn out less and get more done, without cutting corners. Goal: to stop having dreams/nightmares with my students in them. Need to find boundaries that separate school and classes from my home life.
Also, though I'm not unhappy at all, I've been speaking really negatively lately. I do wear my worries on my sleeve. I need to make a conscious effort to be positive as often as reasonably possible, not only for myself, but because my kids read my attitude in a much more involved way than an outsider might think.
School:
School is damn fucking hard. It's no law school, but it's very challenging to be surrounded by two groups of people sending totally different messages. One side is teachers and co-sufferers of the program. "Yeah, teaching is hard, but you know your stuff and you can do this and you're making a difference and if you just use the following nine strategies your kids will love you for life." The other side is a bunch of self-absorbed, not-so-rich-or-pampered kids that are struggling with puberty and (for many of them) a shitty homelife. "This is too hard, I don't feel like it, I don't do homework, this sucks." And, while both sides seem to be talking at you instead of to you, they both desperately need you to be something better than you are. It's exhausting.
Next semester I'm taking more classes, I have to write a thesis (and all of the bullshit 15-page papers that prep for the thesis), my kids take midterms in two weeks and they're not ready and don't know how to study, and I'm going to somehow squeeze a regular gym routine into my schedule.
Christmas:
Christmas was a little disappointing. The magic of it is prettymuch gone. My mom didn't even buy me my Christmas gift, because apparently I was supposed to do it myself. Brian, however, is amazing. I am now entitled to nine horseback riding lessons at my mentor teacher's ranch in scenic mount airy, MD. Easily one of the most amazing gifts I've ever received; I've been dreaming of taking lessons since I was a kid. I start in March. And, every time we see something related to horses, I remember and freak out all over again. Brilliant.
The family aspect was a little harsh; I'm old enough to see my family sort of "go through the motions." It's not really the magical night/day it once was. We didn't even go to midnight mass this year. Lame :-/
The friends aspect was pathetic. My two bestests weren't home, my three fail-safes called each other (and not me), and I gave up on everyone else. Ran into a blast from the past in Target, though, and had dinner with a few people I haven't seen in a long time. That was pretty cool.
New Year's:
Was awesome. Brian and I went to Cheok's house in Damascus. There were only 6 of us (though other people dropped in every once-in-a-while), but both Bri and I had an awesome time. I miss drinking. Also, this guy Pat brought his Tennessee-bred girlfriend, and she is HILARIOUS when drunk.
When Brian was leaving my house tonight, I realized that it symbolized the end of my vacation, and I had a panic attack and sobbed like a little girl. He is very patient. I love it.
Love life:
Could probably not be better. *knocks on wood* I don't know where I'd be without him.
Outlook on coming months:
Nervous as hell, but nearly ready...as soon as I get the rest of this damn grading done. Go team.
Much love to everyone. Happy New Year :)