(no subject)
the stereotype is accurate: education majors ARE stupid.
who the hell would want to spend the next decade(s) of their life in middle school? on days i teach, i'm up at four in the morning. i'm usually the first person at school. i put all of my desks back where they belong (because they inevitably get all messed up every freaking day), i run photocopies, and do some general planning stuff. then i go pick up breakfast and write out the day's agenda-type things (which my students NEVER READ ANYWAY). then i talk over distracted 7th graders and realize that two thirds of them have a C or lower in my class, which is freaking impossible if you ever do homework ever. so, uh, i guess not. i then have to speak completely in spanish for 90 minutes while words continually fail me. half of that class is failing, for pure lack of turning absolutely anything in. i even tried to boost their grade by grading classwork. one student has not done any classwork at all and has a zero average. zero. out of a hundred. what the fuck. then i teach my 8th graders, who at least make me smile a little, and then i realize that it's 1:30 and i have a headache and i haven't eaten yet that day. and then i get to grade and plan, grade and plan, do homework of my own, grade, plan, grade, drive the hour home, and tell brian all about it, which he does not enjoy as much as he pretends to.
i've been starving myself for about two weeks now, and have not lost a single pound. i walk up and down the hallways, which has got to be almost a mile a day. come on body, shrink.
back-to-school night was yesterday, and after all of the stress and preparation and presenting in spanish and botching it horribly, i was relieved and exhausted and frustrated that i'm really not the ideal person for all parts of my job...and i never will be. i had been hoping to relax and unwind. i wanted to see my friends. i really, really miss NY and want desperately to visit. i still have no place to live. i want to do something fun that makes me happy, but all i can ever think about is how i should really, really get ahead on my work, because i'm behind. i usually count on talking to brian at the end of the night to be like my big coming home of the day. unfortunately, the times i need him most are the times he gets most distant. we ended up in this big non-fight fight last night, and i ended up staying up till almost 1AM because i couldn't sleep. i slept in this morning to try to make up for it, but it's no use. i don't rest when people i care about stop loving me. i drove to school this morning, and after about two and a half hours i was so fatigued and depressed that i just came right back home and ate a lot. i miss eating, but i'm sacrificing it to be pretty. and yet, i didn't lose a single freaking pound. what the eff-bomb.
tomorrow i want to do something fun and social, buuuut all of my friends a) live far away and b) are busy.
parents who have lazy children that do no homework in my class are starting to bother me. this one parent has emailed me twice in the past twenty-four hours. in spanish. with lots of typos. and no punctuation AT ALL. so uh, trying to decipher that when i feel like this makes me want to die a little. i'm currently dreaming of living somewhere rural where there aren't enough spanish-speakers to have SSS. i love the kids, but i don't belong. i'm not right for the job, and i don't want to hurt them or their chances to get ahead.
i need to sleep now. i want desperately for someone to take care of my before i rest/
who the hell would want to spend the next decade(s) of their life in middle school? on days i teach, i'm up at four in the morning. i'm usually the first person at school. i put all of my desks back where they belong (because they inevitably get all messed up every freaking day), i run photocopies, and do some general planning stuff. then i go pick up breakfast and write out the day's agenda-type things (which my students NEVER READ ANYWAY). then i talk over distracted 7th graders and realize that two thirds of them have a C or lower in my class, which is freaking impossible if you ever do homework ever. so, uh, i guess not. i then have to speak completely in spanish for 90 minutes while words continually fail me. half of that class is failing, for pure lack of turning absolutely anything in. i even tried to boost their grade by grading classwork. one student has not done any classwork at all and has a zero average. zero. out of a hundred. what the fuck. then i teach my 8th graders, who at least make me smile a little, and then i realize that it's 1:30 and i have a headache and i haven't eaten yet that day. and then i get to grade and plan, grade and plan, do homework of my own, grade, plan, grade, drive the hour home, and tell brian all about it, which he does not enjoy as much as he pretends to.
i've been starving myself for about two weeks now, and have not lost a single pound. i walk up and down the hallways, which has got to be almost a mile a day. come on body, shrink.
back-to-school night was yesterday, and after all of the stress and preparation and presenting in spanish and botching it horribly, i was relieved and exhausted and frustrated that i'm really not the ideal person for all parts of my job...and i never will be. i had been hoping to relax and unwind. i wanted to see my friends. i really, really miss NY and want desperately to visit. i still have no place to live. i want to do something fun that makes me happy, but all i can ever think about is how i should really, really get ahead on my work, because i'm behind. i usually count on talking to brian at the end of the night to be like my big coming home of the day. unfortunately, the times i need him most are the times he gets most distant. we ended up in this big non-fight fight last night, and i ended up staying up till almost 1AM because i couldn't sleep. i slept in this morning to try to make up for it, but it's no use. i don't rest when people i care about stop loving me. i drove to school this morning, and after about two and a half hours i was so fatigued and depressed that i just came right back home and ate a lot. i miss eating, but i'm sacrificing it to be pretty. and yet, i didn't lose a single freaking pound. what the eff-bomb.
tomorrow i want to do something fun and social, buuuut all of my friends a) live far away and b) are busy.
parents who have lazy children that do no homework in my class are starting to bother me. this one parent has emailed me twice in the past twenty-four hours. in spanish. with lots of typos. and no punctuation AT ALL. so uh, trying to decipher that when i feel like this makes me want to die a little. i'm currently dreaming of living somewhere rural where there aren't enough spanish-speakers to have SSS. i love the kids, but i don't belong. i'm not right for the job, and i don't want to hurt them or their chances to get ahead.
i need to sleep now. i want desperately for someone to take care of my before i rest/