(no subject)
So i feel like a worthless pile of shit right now. nothing is going right. kevin's seeming as if he doesn't care about anything. he's completely oblivious to my needs/wants/feelings. i hate my life. i really fucking do. you all think this is just a "bad night"? it's not. it's been like this for a while. i've gotten pretty well at masking my feelings. i dont think i made the right choice here. i think i completely screwed up.
i feel that i made so many mistakes it's so hard to dig my way out of them. i hate that so much. how come you can't just snap your fingers and rewind your life? to where amber never talked me into (or rather told me how great)going into the marines was. to where i never met and fell in love with kevin. to where we never got married. never had a child. dont get me wrong i love my baby more than life itself. i would do anything for her. i just wish things were different. everyone is going out and getting careers and their own houses. and yes. i said it. i'm jealous. happy? i dont fucking care. you're probably laughing at me because i admitted it and you are doing so much better than i am. well fuck you for feeling that way. i dont fucking care.
WHY AM I STILL ALIVE???
I DONT KNOW!!!!
i feel that i made so many mistakes it's so hard to dig my way out of them. i hate that so much. how come you can't just snap your fingers and rewind your life? to where amber never talked me into (or rather told me how great)going into the marines was. to where i never met and fell in love with kevin. to where we never got married. never had a child. dont get me wrong i love my baby more than life itself. i would do anything for her. i just wish things were different. everyone is going out and getting careers and their own houses. and yes. i said it. i'm jealous. happy? i dont fucking care. you're probably laughing at me because i admitted it and you are doing so much better than i am. well fuck you for feeling that way. i dont fucking care.
WHY AM I STILL ALIVE???
I DONT KNOW!!!!