Spitefic: Wake-Up Call

[inmh]

Title: Wake-Up Call
Author: inmh
Fandom(s): New Moon, Smallville
Rating: PG-13/T
Word Count: 3,062
Inspiration: Smallville is just so saturated with badass women who do not take crap from anyone (And yet still retain enough vulnerability to make them relatable), I had to do something with at least one of them kicking Bella’s ass. I’ve already got a massive

Comments

[ruana1]

Most enjoyable, even with very little knowledge of Smallville. Positively cathartic, indeed. Tess sounds like the kind of lady I'd like to meet.

However - holy POV whiplash, Batman! Are Clark and Lois somehow psychically linked? If so, might be wise to mention it. If not, I suggest you rewrite the odd sentences when, in a tale written almost entirely from her point of view, we suddenly find ourselves in his head instead.

[inmh]

Thank you! But oh crap, you're right, I didn't notice that. I'll see if I can't tweak that a bit.

EDIT: Fixed it! Does that look better?

[ruana1]

Better, but not there. Even though the characters are close, saying what Clark 'almost' does still makes it sound as if we're looking through his eyes, because we've got no idea what he's done to make Lois conclude that that's what's going through his head. If I wanted to convey what you're getting at I'd use something like this:

He opened his mouth, then seemed to decide against getting involved...

[inmh]

Fixed that one too! I looked it over to see if there were any more, and I didn't see any- But then, I didn't see them in the first place either.

Thank you so much for helping me out with this! :D

[chibi_regalli]

Agreed. I've never seen the show, but if Lois is this awesome, that may need to change sometime.

[inmh]

She IS that awesome. :D