So alone...
I hate having all my friends so far away from me. I hate having everyone I care so much about be so far away that I can't even live a day without wishing they were here. I miss everyone, not just those who are deployed. Mostly, I miss my girls...because without them I am nothing. And I have learned this the hard way. The only people who are here to hang out with are my parents (who are driving me absolutely nuts) and some of the military guys I know. I've gotten okay with the fact that Alan is gone, and that I should move on, because it's not healthy to wait so long and becuase he wanted me too...and I think I'm beginning too...but I wish my girls were here to help me figure it all out. I met this guy Doug, who's a marine and really nice and cute, and I had a great time with him and we talk every day on the phone a lot...and he's the first guy I've met that I've even considered dating since Alan, and I still love Alan so much. But I have to move on, it almost hurts me more to just wait for him and not hear from him than to move on. Most of me wants to move on and see if there's a relationship or something with Doug, because there's seems to be the beginnings of it here now, but a little part of me just wants to wait and take care of other things until Alan gets back. I just wish my heart and my mind would decide and take all the pain and lonliness away...