post-holiday meltdown
well- now that that's over...
This Christmas has had its good and bad moments. I learned Christmas is (different/interesting/more self-satisfiying) when you are poor and do not have anything to give to friends and family except the things you make with your hands. My mom and I made handmade books this year- complete with hand stiched bookbinding and different papers. I loved it. I spent time with my mom, I gave gifts that were from the heart, and honestly felt that I learned something about the true value of Christmas (however corny that is).
True there were awful moments. Family dynamics complete with the grumpy patriarch who pretty much ignores my fiance and well... basically ignores everyone who doesn't suck up to him. ugg. Also having to deal with the fact that I am going to be grossly in college debt probably for the rest of my life is not much fun. There is the constant worry about my dad ever getting a job or is he going to go back to school to get his MBA and will my grandpa support this decision by finiancially supporting this house and family? AND how the hell do I go about getting my "dream" summer internship and is that really what I want?
My birthday wish this year was for us to resolve our financial worries. I try not to take much credit in those kinda things, but we could honestly use whatever comes our way. So, wishes are not so bad. Sometimes if you believe in something hard enough it becomes real.
My birthday was good and bad in a lot of ways too. Good in that I saw friends I hadn't seen in a long time, I am finally 21, and I actually had a REAL birthday party (that hasn't happened since I was maybe 13 or 14).
The only bad thing was seeing my best friend going down a path that I have no intention of going on and realizing that she's a completely different person.
And I'm having difficulty respecting her. (that in it's self was hard to write down)
I've known her since she was born. We grew up together. We've always been different socially, scholastically, and personality wise, but always been able to talk and be together. And now I can't begin to understand what she does with her life.
It's her choices- I know. It's totally different from what I am going through right now though. Boys, Drinking, Money...
Gah- ok. I am done on that subject.
I'm nervous about going back to school too. I always am after winter break. I love my home. I love everything about being here. I know it will be fun to go back and dive into artwork again, but I hate the city and the school administration and the lack of personal space. Plus I'll miss Landon. I'm trying not to think about it and at the same time I know I have to go soon. It never gets easier.
And that's about all - I think this weekly purging of emotions might be good for me. ~.^
This Christmas has had its good and bad moments. I learned Christmas is (different/interesting/more self-satisfiying) when you are poor and do not have anything to give to friends and family except the things you make with your hands. My mom and I made handmade books this year- complete with hand stiched bookbinding and different papers. I loved it. I spent time with my mom, I gave gifts that were from the heart, and honestly felt that I learned something about the true value of Christmas (however corny that is).
True there were awful moments. Family dynamics complete with the grumpy patriarch who pretty much ignores my fiance and well... basically ignores everyone who doesn't suck up to him. ugg. Also having to deal with the fact that I am going to be grossly in college debt probably for the rest of my life is not much fun. There is the constant worry about my dad ever getting a job or is he going to go back to school to get his MBA and will my grandpa support this decision by finiancially supporting this house and family? AND how the hell do I go about getting my "dream" summer internship and is that really what I want?
My birthday wish this year was for us to resolve our financial worries. I try not to take much credit in those kinda things, but we could honestly use whatever comes our way. So, wishes are not so bad. Sometimes if you believe in something hard enough it becomes real.
My birthday was good and bad in a lot of ways too. Good in that I saw friends I hadn't seen in a long time, I am finally 21, and I actually had a REAL birthday party (that hasn't happened since I was maybe 13 or 14).
The only bad thing was seeing my best friend going down a path that I have no intention of going on and realizing that she's a completely different person.
And I'm having difficulty respecting her. (that in it's self was hard to write down)
I've known her since she was born. We grew up together. We've always been different socially, scholastically, and personality wise, but always been able to talk and be together. And now I can't begin to understand what she does with her life.
It's her choices- I know. It's totally different from what I am going through right now though. Boys, Drinking, Money...
Gah- ok. I am done on that subject.
I'm nervous about going back to school too. I always am after winter break. I love my home. I love everything about being here. I know it will be fun to go back and dive into artwork again, but I hate the city and the school administration and the lack of personal space. Plus I'll miss Landon. I'm trying not to think about it and at the same time I know I have to go soon. It never gets easier.
And that's about all - I think this weekly purging of emotions might be good for me. ~.^