Filling in the Blanks.
WOW.... so couple days ago I was reading old entries on LJ... especially my last one on May 26, 2007... I was reading an entry exactly one year ago... it's amazing how much I have changed...
so here is my post:
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
I should've made more memories. Taken more pictures.
I said if I had a camera, but I do have one. I just don't use it.
I think it's skeptical of me because I think I'm implying that each day there's nothing worth remembering, nothing's going to happen.
I think that's wrong of me. Even if I was take a picture of just one other person, or just me, or maybe just flowers or my dolls, it should be worth recording what I have seen in my life...
I feel like I'm wasting things I learn. Lessons from movies, books, classes. Not knowledge, but just life lessons. Well, I don't know, it should seem so far I am passing life, by not giving up, or is it just a slow failure because I just sit back and do nothing. I sit back to watch and listen. I'm not a wallflower, I'm just invisible. It's my problem.
I'm luck and blessed. I'm grateful. Content, yet unsatisfied with what I do.
I think my problem is laziness. Well, more of having no hobby. I have nothing to offer, nothing to share. I feel so dull and lifeless. I think that's the biggest problem I have with my lack of social skills at the moment. I don't do anything but go to class. I don't expect to connect with people just by having the same courses, one main reason is because our focus is on the teacher. I don't participate in any clubs, volunteer for anything, just nothing. I stay in a room speaking mainly one person.
I'm not trying to sulk or be emotional... I just want to know:
Why am I not trying?
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Yup, that was my post.
Funny thing about my first paragraph and me taking pictures. Who knew that I would've become historian for CSA the following September?? Granted, the position is a joke, but it was as if it was a response from God or something... like in Evan Almighty, there was a scene where Morgan Freeman explains that when we pray for something, GOd doesn't give it to us, he gives us opportunities, and if we really wanted them, we'd take the opportunity to achieve what we want. That would be his way of giving it to us.... Anyway, now I take insane amount of pictures at events and parties.... It's ridiculous...
But I have to admit... I am normally taking pics of other people.. like I kinda do wish I took more pics of myself and have more records of me now... not just of other people.. sigh* but I feel so conceited of I took pics of myself, when really that's what I want to do sometimes.
Oh well...
Next paragraph: Well I'm not so much invisible anymore since I have made friends. I am part of CSA and members of the other MCC clubs, now I stepped it up to be MCC Rep... and as for learning and applying lessons, I think I do that, to an extent... especially people skills..
I am actually doing SOOO MUCH more compared to last year, I am just amazed... like it's funny how over the past year I did things. I actually took that opportunity to change my life a bit. Granted I still haven't figured out my passion or found a hobby, but I am being more productive. I'm doing things. Not only do I record my moments with picture taking, I also participated in shows! I learned and practice dances... and I freakin participated in cultural shows.. like I had actual parts. THAT is definitely a major change. I never thought I'd be up on stage performing something... like... that really is something. Those who know me from before college would understand. Even Jonard was surprised, saying.. "WHAT?! Katie? PERFORMING ON STAGE??" yeah... well... Also, I'm talking. I'm not just moping around doing nothing. I am not having stupid fights with a stupid bf (now my ex!! FINALLY) I am ACTUALLY connecting with people, and my social skills, might I say so myself, definitely improved. I mean now that it's spring my energy is a bit zapped with my excitement of making friends... but still... definite improvement. I can honestly say I am proud of myself!
AND... I AM trying. but still not completely. But I am no longer not trying.
It just goes to show that opportunities are given to me and prayers do get answered even when I don't know it at the time. Absolutely... amazing. Miraculous possibly?
This summer I want to do many things, maybe I will successfully fulfill some goals.
One thing I want to do: take dance classes. <3
so here is my post:
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
I should've made more memories. Taken more pictures.
I said if I had a camera, but I do have one. I just don't use it.
I think it's skeptical of me because I think I'm implying that each day there's nothing worth remembering, nothing's going to happen.
I think that's wrong of me. Even if I was take a picture of just one other person, or just me, or maybe just flowers or my dolls, it should be worth recording what I have seen in my life...
I feel like I'm wasting things I learn. Lessons from movies, books, classes. Not knowledge, but just life lessons. Well, I don't know, it should seem so far I am passing life, by not giving up, or is it just a slow failure because I just sit back and do nothing. I sit back to watch and listen. I'm not a wallflower, I'm just invisible. It's my problem.
I'm luck and blessed. I'm grateful. Content, yet unsatisfied with what I do.
I think my problem is laziness. Well, more of having no hobby. I have nothing to offer, nothing to share. I feel so dull and lifeless. I think that's the biggest problem I have with my lack of social skills at the moment. I don't do anything but go to class. I don't expect to connect with people just by having the same courses, one main reason is because our focus is on the teacher. I don't participate in any clubs, volunteer for anything, just nothing. I stay in a room speaking mainly one person.
I'm not trying to sulk or be emotional... I just want to know:
Why am I not trying?
x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Yup, that was my post.
Funny thing about my first paragraph and me taking pictures. Who knew that I would've become historian for CSA the following September?? Granted, the position is a joke, but it was as if it was a response from God or something... like in Evan Almighty, there was a scene where Morgan Freeman explains that when we pray for something, GOd doesn't give it to us, he gives us opportunities, and if we really wanted them, we'd take the opportunity to achieve what we want. That would be his way of giving it to us.... Anyway, now I take insane amount of pictures at events and parties.... It's ridiculous...
But I have to admit... I am normally taking pics of other people.. like I kinda do wish I took more pics of myself and have more records of me now... not just of other people.. sigh* but I feel so conceited of I took pics of myself, when really that's what I want to do sometimes.
Oh well...
Next paragraph: Well I'm not so much invisible anymore since I have made friends. I am part of CSA and members of the other MCC clubs, now I stepped it up to be MCC Rep... and as for learning and applying lessons, I think I do that, to an extent... especially people skills..
I am actually doing SOOO MUCH more compared to last year, I am just amazed... like it's funny how over the past year I did things. I actually took that opportunity to change my life a bit. Granted I still haven't figured out my passion or found a hobby, but I am being more productive. I'm doing things. Not only do I record my moments with picture taking, I also participated in shows! I learned and practice dances... and I freakin participated in cultural shows.. like I had actual parts. THAT is definitely a major change. I never thought I'd be up on stage performing something... like... that really is something. Those who know me from before college would understand. Even Jonard was surprised, saying.. "WHAT?! Katie? PERFORMING ON STAGE??" yeah... well... Also, I'm talking. I'm not just moping around doing nothing. I am not having stupid fights with a stupid bf (now my ex!! FINALLY) I am ACTUALLY connecting with people, and my social skills, might I say so myself, definitely improved. I mean now that it's spring my energy is a bit zapped with my excitement of making friends... but still... definite improvement. I can honestly say I am proud of myself!
AND... I AM trying. but still not completely. But I am no longer not trying.
It just goes to show that opportunities are given to me and prayers do get answered even when I don't know it at the time. Absolutely... amazing. Miraculous possibly?
This summer I want to do many things, maybe I will successfully fulfill some goals.
One thing I want to do: take dance classes. <3