a deep sadness
Well today started off normal. I woke up and was tired. Same old thing. I was to take Bella to the vet and was taking Kirby with me. I felt that he was taking a turn down hill and wanted the vet to have a look at him. He hadn't been wanting to leave the shower for a couple of day and his appetite was not so great. As soon as i picked him up I knew somehting was wrong. He could hardly hold his head up and his whole body felt limp. I decided at that point that he was the only one going to the vets. Bella could wait another day. When I went to put him in the cat carrier he went completely limp and fell in. I grabbed him out of it and he was out of it. He then had a small seizure (at the time I wasn't sure what it was). I took him to the vets. They rushed me into a room and the assistant took a look at him and went to get the doctor. The doctor came in and started feeling his stomach area and I could tell right away something was wrong. The doctor said some stuff but alls I heard was cancer. Advanced cancer. You could feel the tumors on his liver. Then he had another seizure. The vet said that there is nothing we can do. You need to put him to sleep. I looked at him and alls I could say was "today?". He said yes, he is suffering and you don't want that. Did I mention that Amara was with me and that we had just watched Marley and Me 2 nights ago? I told the vet that I need to call my mom and have her there. He said that was fine and then gave him a shot to stop any further seizures. I called my mom and told her I needed her at the vets. I didn't even get out what was going on or even what animal it was. While I was waiting for her, I tried to explain what was happening to Amara. As you can imagine that went over really well. Now there are 2 crying girls. My mom got there really fast. I explained what was going on, all the while pretty hysterical. The vet came in and gave Kirber a tranquilizer to relax him. At this point I told my mom to take Amara out of the room. I didn't want her to see what was going to happen. I then decided to just have my mom take Amara home and that they could wait for me there. My mom was reluctent to go, but I convinced her hat I would be okay. After they left the doctor came back in to give him the final shot. I was holding him and talking to him and petting him. Apparently he had some kidney blockage on that side so the shot didn't work. I switched side and the doctor gave him the shot and then he was gone. I cried some more and the vet hugged me and said how sorry he was and that this was for the best, which I believe but it's still hard.
Now I'm at home and am not sure what to do. Justin is coming home early but he still won't be here for a couple of hours. I don't want to watch tv. I don't want to go in my room. I just want to sit. So Amara is watching tv in my room as I sit on the couch and think about my boy.
Now I'm at home and am not sure what to do. Justin is coming home early but he still won't be here for a couple of hours. I don't want to watch tv. I don't want to go in my room. I just want to sit. So Amara is watching tv in my room as I sit on the couch and think about my boy.