Omens of The Nile Chapter 4

[ledishae]

Title: Omens of the Nile
Author: LediShae
Series/Verse: Transformers AU
Kink OP and/or Prompt: Death Mustang's Egypt prompt and WOI #19: 2. AU
Disclaimer: I own nothing, sadly not even the idea.
Summary: Akhetaton, capitol of Egypt, prays with each rising sun for a terrible curse upon Pharaoh’s sons to break. A prophecy from their birth tells of

Comments

[senna_chan]

Now, a day later and after reading the chapter few times, I finally feel like I'm able to write something intelligent instead of some mindless squealing.

I do not know why, but this particular AU got me captivated from the very beginning. (Just like I stated in my review in FF.net over year ago) It's hard to say, just what makes me adore this story in particular. Is it the idea itself of this plot, or the way you've portrayed the characters or your writing style. It feels so, ah, regal. Yeah, that's what comes into my mind: you've managed to capture this mystical feeling into your words.

You don't have lot of dialogue in this chapter but you make it work. The way you describe scenes, backstories and the feelings the characters are having, it works so darn well. Not that the dialogue wasn't bad, oh no, I don't know what I was feeling, when I read the conversations between Ratchet and Wheeljack, or Ratchet and Elita -- although the latter made me shudder, because you had made Elita so... cold. And sad. As if she's not part of their world, because even her words of making Perceptor a surrogate only made me shiver.

The very first interraction between Ratchet and the twins, well more correctly between him and Sunstreaker, was oh so delicious. No way Sunstreaker will approve this heathen god-born as his salvation, not after being humiliated by him.

One question; you describe Ratchet having golden and red flecks in his eyes, when he uses his, err, healer sight? Did you use those colors on purpose?

Also, does Ratchet have more red fur besides in his hands? Not that it would be bad if he didn't. Being completely white with just red hands creates a rather dramatic appearance for him.

Ratchet snarled at his brother, dangerous white teeth streaked bloody red and rimmed in vile black, "Do not goad me brother, you will not win against my rage."
This particular line was my favorite in whole chapter. I don't know why I like it, it just does. (A part of me makes me question my sanity because do, since it's actually quite a violent line, even if Ratchet doesn't fully mean it.)

Hmm... I have nothing more to say -- for now. Thank you for updating this story after so long. I've been thinking about this every now and then, hoping to see more. :)

- Senna-chan

Ps. I'm sorry if this long post will scare you. I got a bit carried away. ^^

Pps. You accidentally wrote the name of the three-headed dog as 'Cerebus'

[ledishae]

Huh, regal, I like that description.
Ratchet does have more red fur, on his hands, hips, and I think his legs but I'd have to go back to chapter ...2? I think. But yes, he does have more. As for the eye colors, yes, no one has noticed it but the twins in the sunlight flash the same flecks of colors in Ratchet's eyes, I'm using that as another omen. ^.^
Don't worry, long posts are fun!

[senna_chan]

No, I don't remember you describing him having red fur anywhere else than in his hands. I read chapter 2 last night and don't remember seeing it written there.

Another omen, you say? Oooohhh, I feel like patting myself on the back for noticing it.

Good to know, there will be long posts, when it comes to this story. *hint hint* (Just kidding, please take your time to write the next part, I'll be patient)

- Senna-chan

[ledishae]

Thanks for pointing out the spelling error. It fixed now.