(no subject)

[twinklie]

andrew and i went walking downtown on saturday. as we were driving through harmony to find a spot i kind of just froze because i saw drew. eh. literally, thinking was optional after that point. i didn't know if i should be excited, pissed off, upset. . . i felt nothing, a big emptiness. we parked in the garage. i prayed we wouldn't run into him because i wouldn't know what to say. we walked to experienced goods. guess who was walking out. i didn't want to hold his stare. i wanted to pretend i didn't know who he was, pretend that i didn't notice him. but i held it and he did a double take and went to hug me even though i was already in andrews arms. i huged him. i don't even care what he said. it was all lies. i'm used to that. ugh. what is it that still tugs at me about him? that nothing happened? that i wish something had? i thought, i'm glad nothing did. i wouldn't be where i am today if it had gone as he wanted it to.

i don't care for that.

andrew chuckled when we walked into the store, 'that must have been awkward.' i wanted to smack him for being funny about it. there was nothing funny about it.