(no subject)
I might have a job interview for a job in Austin TX on Friday. When the job starts only a couple weeks after the interview it is hard to comprehend. My lease is up and my nanny position is begging me to stay with tears and money.. BUT.. I have not even gone to the interview. This month has been really nerve racking but in a 'its good for me' kind of way. My boyfriend might be coming back from Boston only to find me hopping cities. I have nothing to think about accept breathing and sleep.
I have a secret that I can never explain that is making me more brave these days. I drive through five o'clock traffic and contemplate the in-humaneness of homelessness. But I make sure I go outside to see the moon and the clouds when it storms, I see a bird flying by a tree, I am so happy if only to wish the same for others. Sometimes it is hard for me to go outside but I know that it makes me happy just to go into a field for no reason. I sneak through a whole in a gate near my apartments. I walk by the mama cat who I shared my dinner with. I try to avoid eye contact with neighbors only because I am afraid because they yell, honk their horns at my doorstep, and smoke crack in the laundry room. I have kept the mattress against the window accept where I can see the sky. I am moving at the end of this month but I am not sure where. My boyfriend wants to live in a cave but that sounds too nice, I said we need to be in the world for a little while longer. I wish I could uncover the secrets of things and crack them open like a grandfather clock. My secrets have to do with Love. Temporary earth, my heart balancing steadily.
I have a secret that I can never explain that is making me more brave these days. I drive through five o'clock traffic and contemplate the in-humaneness of homelessness. But I make sure I go outside to see the moon and the clouds when it storms, I see a bird flying by a tree, I am so happy if only to wish the same for others. Sometimes it is hard for me to go outside but I know that it makes me happy just to go into a field for no reason. I sneak through a whole in a gate near my apartments. I walk by the mama cat who I shared my dinner with. I try to avoid eye contact with neighbors only because I am afraid because they yell, honk their horns at my doorstep, and smoke crack in the laundry room. I have kept the mattress against the window accept where I can see the sky. I am moving at the end of this month but I am not sure where. My boyfriend wants to live in a cave but that sounds too nice, I said we need to be in the world for a little while longer. I wish I could uncover the secrets of things and crack them open like a grandfather clock. My secrets have to do with Love. Temporary earth, my heart balancing steadily.