wake me up
I had a dream last night i was walking along the side of the road listening to old cassette tapes of your voice like I would npr. Listening closely to the accents and dialect, thinking I hear your voice within the self pretentious snoot and swagger located in the secretiveness of this voice whispering off opinions as fact, humor, and threats to my own intelligence. At the end of the words lays a moment to taste the twisted and frozen perceptions. Like a macdonalds ice cream cone born to pre packaged perfection. You were telling me lists of ways you wished a person to behave. To never show that side of me that is confused about god. I made it so hard for myself, in loving you too much. When I was driving back from austin the cows were in the pasture and the grass faded from vibrant green to warm browns. little cabins were built among the hills. in the night they looked more perfect lit by clustered lights telling me someone was still awake. I use to hold a small piece of paper with a promise on it and then I moved so many times that I lost it, but I still thought about it now and again. I realize that this promise was only a piece of paper and the only real hope is what I create to keep for myself. I really hate dreams like this because it leads me down roads that are now very much dead ends and their really is no use exploring. Random thoughts I latch onto and slide across, sleep in like a hammock, senselessly swaying, and I am not ready to make sense.