Just a Sailor in a Sea Of Assclowns
Well, haven't posted in a spell. sorry.
Yesterday was a really weird day - like to hear it go? Thought so. Well too bad I am going to tell you anyways.
I went into work and the day was pretty easy since I have just a few classes this term - honestly, I have one class with 5 kids. My classes are great, they are doing still lifes and doing well. It's a little boring when there's only 5 kids. Normally, you are teaching a lot more kids and it takes a lot more time to pace the room and check on every kid's drawing. Not so much when there's a class of 5 and one kid is out with pneumonia. After that class, my boss comes up to me and says, " I talked to the dean who told me of your conversation and how you didn't want to discuss the fact that you are looking for a new job. I wanted you to know that this is perfectly okay, I don't mind." I sat there, a little surprised and said "Oh, ok". She continues, "Also, we talked about classes for next year and how to make sure that all of us have an adequate course load - you have fulfilled all of my reccommendations (i.e. the painting classes I have been taking) I asked, so you would get a senior class next year if you were to stay." Now I am completely floored. I thanked her and told her that I was trying to be discreet as not to offend people in the office. She understood. That's the nicest she's been to me in months. She also has been nosy and went through my flatfile in the storage room, she saw two paintings I did and she commented "Those portraits are really nice, Sean". Who are you?
I felt pretty good at how I have handled things this year, obviously, I played the right card with the dean - knowing that she and my boss are good friends, I told her the more professional version of why I was looking rather than the emotional crap. Both are true, but the version I gave - low class load, fear of losing my position, uncertainty within the department - simply can't be argued. I stayed professional and I think it really paid off.
Continuing the weirdness, I went into the main office where the dean stopped me and told me that there were a lot of kids signing up for Art History next year, at least 3 sections. She thought that there were enough kids that I could teach a section, which would be awesome. I never thought this would happen because 1) there's a senior faculty member who teaches it horribly but has a lot of pull 2) I didn't think he'd want me in his room ( this teacher treats his classroom like his personal bedroom) 3) my boss. Another unexpected thing out of the blue. Pulling out all the stops.
Our contracts were also in our mailboxes yesterday, before we left for our spring break which in my 5 years here has NEVER happened. The salary went up a standard 3%, it's kind of crappy when I started thinking how much I do with the club and other stuff for the school, but I was honestly releived to have the contract in my hand - validation that I have a failsafe in my hand. I can sign it and still cancel it within 60 days, if I find something else. I think I am okay till April to hand it in signed. Deadlines. My life lately is all about them.
The jobhunt is starting to slowly get better. I have an interview with an art school in New Hampshire - I got this through the School of Visual Arts, where I am an alumni. Apparently, this school wanted to interview specifically people who graduated from SVA's MFA Illustration program. So, I am one of four people being interviewed next Friday at SVA. I am a little intimidated, but oh well. I also got an encouraging email from a school I sent my resume to in Warren, NJ. Usually, I get those postcard letters saying - we got your shit, thanks, it's going to sit in a drawer and be of no consequence. This school emailed me, saying that they are going through resumes to decide who to interview on such and such date. I thought, well, they took the time to look at my resume and find my email, that's promising. Hopefully I'll get an interview out of it. I also have an interview for Edison towards the end of the month, and I am still finding a couple of schools here and there.
After yesterday, I honestly have no idea what is going to happen. I got the feeling that people at my current job are trying to accomodate me to stay, which is really nice. I doubt it will really change anything in the department - morale and trust are virtually nil - but the fact I still have a job here should I want it is good. There are pros and cons to staying or leaving this place.
I went back to painting class in the city last night, I managed to drag my best friend Adam with me, who I think really needed it. Adam is a professional illustrator who's forte is oil painting. We rode the train from his place and we didn't get charged becaue the train was so busy, which hasn't happened to me in a really long time - continuing the weird goodness of the day. Adam pointed out that I kept saying the word "Weird" instead of "Good". I don't fucking trust good, it never lasts.
At the Art Student's Leage ( or as my friend Scott jokes - The Justice League ), Adam knocked out a pretty stellar painting while we were there. I wrestled the entire time with the model's nose and eyes - never getting it right. My instructor went over my painting with me, he could clearly see my frustration - and he said, keep it flat, focus on shapes and tones, don't worry about building it up. Okay, but I want to. I want to paint with clear transitions and realism - I am so impatient. One of the things that has been hardest about the past year is that I have been exposed to sooo much artistictly, I view drawing and painting so much differently, I teach it differently. When I was looking at the model, I could see that her nose had 8 different tonal variations - how light was affecting it - but I couldn't paint it. No clue how to mix the colors for that area. I suppose I should be thankful that I can see it, but I am not. I want to be at a point I haven't paid my dues for - Adam has 10 years of painting on me. I get frustrated because I want my work to evolve and be more than it is - without committing. Now that I have been committing myself to doing painting, ceramics, more drawing, I get frustrated because I want so much for things to evolve to that next skill level RIGHT NOW.
This also feeds into an inherent lack of balance in my life - everything right now is work or classes. Mentally, I am exhausted. Right now I have an illustration due Wednesday, a basketball booster due Wednesday, personal work to do, portfolio stuff to do. My break is pretty booked with work.
People I know keep setting me up on dates with their friends. I have one Tuesday. I am for the first time in my life, completely not in the mood for it, because I have so much other shit going on. we'll see how it goes I suppose.
Yesterday was a really weird day - like to hear it go? Thought so. Well too bad I am going to tell you anyways.
I went into work and the day was pretty easy since I have just a few classes this term - honestly, I have one class with 5 kids. My classes are great, they are doing still lifes and doing well. It's a little boring when there's only 5 kids. Normally, you are teaching a lot more kids and it takes a lot more time to pace the room and check on every kid's drawing. Not so much when there's a class of 5 and one kid is out with pneumonia. After that class, my boss comes up to me and says, " I talked to the dean who told me of your conversation and how you didn't want to discuss the fact that you are looking for a new job. I wanted you to know that this is perfectly okay, I don't mind." I sat there, a little surprised and said "Oh, ok". She continues, "Also, we talked about classes for next year and how to make sure that all of us have an adequate course load - you have fulfilled all of my reccommendations (i.e. the painting classes I have been taking) I asked, so you would get a senior class next year if you were to stay." Now I am completely floored. I thanked her and told her that I was trying to be discreet as not to offend people in the office. She understood. That's the nicest she's been to me in months. She also has been nosy and went through my flatfile in the storage room, she saw two paintings I did and she commented "Those portraits are really nice, Sean". Who are you?
I felt pretty good at how I have handled things this year, obviously, I played the right card with the dean - knowing that she and my boss are good friends, I told her the more professional version of why I was looking rather than the emotional crap. Both are true, but the version I gave - low class load, fear of losing my position, uncertainty within the department - simply can't be argued. I stayed professional and I think it really paid off.
Continuing the weirdness, I went into the main office where the dean stopped me and told me that there were a lot of kids signing up for Art History next year, at least 3 sections. She thought that there were enough kids that I could teach a section, which would be awesome. I never thought this would happen because 1) there's a senior faculty member who teaches it horribly but has a lot of pull 2) I didn't think he'd want me in his room ( this teacher treats his classroom like his personal bedroom) 3) my boss. Another unexpected thing out of the blue. Pulling out all the stops.
Our contracts were also in our mailboxes yesterday, before we left for our spring break which in my 5 years here has NEVER happened. The salary went up a standard 3%, it's kind of crappy when I started thinking how much I do with the club and other stuff for the school, but I was honestly releived to have the contract in my hand - validation that I have a failsafe in my hand. I can sign it and still cancel it within 60 days, if I find something else. I think I am okay till April to hand it in signed. Deadlines. My life lately is all about them.
The jobhunt is starting to slowly get better. I have an interview with an art school in New Hampshire - I got this through the School of Visual Arts, where I am an alumni. Apparently, this school wanted to interview specifically people who graduated from SVA's MFA Illustration program. So, I am one of four people being interviewed next Friday at SVA. I am a little intimidated, but oh well. I also got an encouraging email from a school I sent my resume to in Warren, NJ. Usually, I get those postcard letters saying - we got your shit, thanks, it's going to sit in a drawer and be of no consequence. This school emailed me, saying that they are going through resumes to decide who to interview on such and such date. I thought, well, they took the time to look at my resume and find my email, that's promising. Hopefully I'll get an interview out of it. I also have an interview for Edison towards the end of the month, and I am still finding a couple of schools here and there.
After yesterday, I honestly have no idea what is going to happen. I got the feeling that people at my current job are trying to accomodate me to stay, which is really nice. I doubt it will really change anything in the department - morale and trust are virtually nil - but the fact I still have a job here should I want it is good. There are pros and cons to staying or leaving this place.
I went back to painting class in the city last night, I managed to drag my best friend Adam with me, who I think really needed it. Adam is a professional illustrator who's forte is oil painting. We rode the train from his place and we didn't get charged becaue the train was so busy, which hasn't happened to me in a really long time - continuing the weird goodness of the day. Adam pointed out that I kept saying the word "Weird" instead of "Good". I don't fucking trust good, it never lasts.
At the Art Student's Leage ( or as my friend Scott jokes - The Justice League ), Adam knocked out a pretty stellar painting while we were there. I wrestled the entire time with the model's nose and eyes - never getting it right. My instructor went over my painting with me, he could clearly see my frustration - and he said, keep it flat, focus on shapes and tones, don't worry about building it up. Okay, but I want to. I want to paint with clear transitions and realism - I am so impatient. One of the things that has been hardest about the past year is that I have been exposed to sooo much artistictly, I view drawing and painting so much differently, I teach it differently. When I was looking at the model, I could see that her nose had 8 different tonal variations - how light was affecting it - but I couldn't paint it. No clue how to mix the colors for that area. I suppose I should be thankful that I can see it, but I am not. I want to be at a point I haven't paid my dues for - Adam has 10 years of painting on me. I get frustrated because I want my work to evolve and be more than it is - without committing. Now that I have been committing myself to doing painting, ceramics, more drawing, I get frustrated because I want so much for things to evolve to that next skill level RIGHT NOW.
This also feeds into an inherent lack of balance in my life - everything right now is work or classes. Mentally, I am exhausted. Right now I have an illustration due Wednesday, a basketball booster due Wednesday, personal work to do, portfolio stuff to do. My break is pretty booked with work.
People I know keep setting me up on dates with their friends. I have one Tuesday. I am for the first time in my life, completely not in the mood for it, because I have so much other shit going on. we'll see how it goes I suppose.