(no subject)

[twillighteyes]

Alright, aside from the fact that my mom is a complete drunk and pissing me off...

Nope, can't ignore it. Very annoyed.

For any who may be interested:

1. The reason I don't drink/party is I am terrified of being like my mother. She's an out of control alcoholic who refuses to see any fault with that. She is a biggot, has not one original thought in her brain, believes whatever her asshole arrogant husband tells her and currently I am pissed off. She reeks of wine, she is destroying her health, she makes me feel guilty about myself and the way I am/live/look. I am done.
2. I am getting a nose job. I have pretty much decided that I no longer want to hate my face, I just want it done. My nose has bothered me since my stepmom told me it was big, and bothers me more because it's crooked. I just want a straight, typical, boring, type 1 nose.
3. I rather like going to the gym. I didn't realize how much of a workout just walking could be. It's a pleasant surprise.
4. Tomorrow is my birthday.
5. I really think I am getting my septum pierced before I go back to California.
6. I hate everything, but not as much as they hate each other.
7. No, I don't believe in your god. No I don't believe that Jesus got up from the grave. I believe very much that everything has a spirit, not a soul. I don't quite understand what the distinction is there. I think soul I guess, is too individualized for what I believe in. My higher power isn't singular. I do believe in gods, and goddesses. I don't see them having much affect on individual human lives. Your prayers are different from mine. Mine are always, "let me find the strength to do this, help me do this," yours are "do this for me please because I don't want to think of how to get through this." My prayers are silent, often unvoiced. I don't need to stand before an alter, although, I do sometimes give offerings to spirits, especially once life is taken. I think you are trying to find a way to be optimistic when you really need to embrace suffering and reality, and that pisses me off a lot. If you let yourself really grieve, you will find a way through this.
8. Death doesn't scare me, but losing certain people does.
9. the seventh bullet point isn't complete, but it's all my anger allows me to write.