The Christmas Curmudgeon
Well, it's official… I have finally reassembled myself into the Christmas Curmudgeon.
My nephew Michael and his girlfriend Becky now have an eight month old baby, Tessa, and because they want to create new family Christmas traditions for her, they offered to host our family's annual Christmas Eve dinner at their house. In attendance were my sister and brother-in-law and me, which represented our side of the family. The rest of the formidable crush of people was populated by Becky's family, none of whom I had ever met. The one upside was that Becky's Dad is HOT with a capital WOOF - he reminded me somewhat of quirkstreet. Hunky Dad notwithstanding, I felt very awkward and out of place, as if I was intruding upon their yuletide celebration. Becky's stepmom looks like Ugly Betty, and they have a six year old girl named Leilana who is out of control and an absolute tyrant. She seemed fascinated by me at first, but when I said hello to her, in as sunny a voice as I could muster, she complained to Ugly Betty that "that guy keeps staring at me." I very happily ignored her thereafter, which didn't sit well with the corpulent little dear. At one point she marched her chubby self over to where I was sitting and screamed in my face -- she employed no words, but simply emitted a banshee-like shriek. When Hunky Dad gently admonished her not to do that, Ugly Betty promptly bleated at him, "Don't yell at her!" A bit later the screaming meemie once again lumbered up to me and screeched, "I don't want to be near you!" I wanted to respond, "I don't want you near me either, you fat little fuck!" (I know - charming, right?) However, since she is the kind of child who isn't happy unless ALL eyes are on her at every moment, it was more fun to pretend she didn't exist, a feat not easily accomplished, given her inimical disposition. In any event, it wasn't long before I was wilting like a maiden aunt, and so I left fairly early in the evening, utilizing the lie that I still had some Christmas wrapping to do.
Today was a little calmer at my sister's house, but the joy and romance of Christmas seems completely lost to me now, or at least it was absent this year. It was, rather, just stressful and expensive. I am planning on taking down the tree and all the decorations tomorrow, packing it all back into the attic and be done with it for this year, and possibly forever after. Maybe next year I'll plan to go on a cruise for Christmas, or at least to travel someplace warm…
Scoot over, Ebenezer, there's a new Christmas shithead on the block.
My nephew Michael and his girlfriend Becky now have an eight month old baby, Tessa, and because they want to create new family Christmas traditions for her, they offered to host our family's annual Christmas Eve dinner at their house. In attendance were my sister and brother-in-law and me, which represented our side of the family. The rest of the formidable crush of people was populated by Becky's family, none of whom I had ever met. The one upside was that Becky's Dad is HOT with a capital WOOF - he reminded me somewhat of quirkstreet. Hunky Dad notwithstanding, I felt very awkward and out of place, as if I was intruding upon their yuletide celebration. Becky's stepmom looks like Ugly Betty, and they have a six year old girl named Leilana who is out of control and an absolute tyrant. She seemed fascinated by me at first, but when I said hello to her, in as sunny a voice as I could muster, she complained to Ugly Betty that "that guy keeps staring at me." I very happily ignored her thereafter, which didn't sit well with the corpulent little dear. At one point she marched her chubby self over to where I was sitting and screamed in my face -- she employed no words, but simply emitted a banshee-like shriek. When Hunky Dad gently admonished her not to do that, Ugly Betty promptly bleated at him, "Don't yell at her!" A bit later the screaming meemie once again lumbered up to me and screeched, "I don't want to be near you!" I wanted to respond, "I don't want you near me either, you fat little fuck!" (I know - charming, right?) However, since she is the kind of child who isn't happy unless ALL eyes are on her at every moment, it was more fun to pretend she didn't exist, a feat not easily accomplished, given her inimical disposition. In any event, it wasn't long before I was wilting like a maiden aunt, and so I left fairly early in the evening, utilizing the lie that I still had some Christmas wrapping to do.
Today was a little calmer at my sister's house, but the joy and romance of Christmas seems completely lost to me now, or at least it was absent this year. It was, rather, just stressful and expensive. I am planning on taking down the tree and all the decorations tomorrow, packing it all back into the attic and be done with it for this year, and possibly forever after. Maybe next year I'll plan to go on a cruise for Christmas, or at least to travel someplace warm…
Scoot over, Ebenezer, there's a new Christmas shithead on the block.