just another dying star
So alot has happened and i have a feeling this is going to be a long entry so just bare with me.So im not allowed to go to shows anymore. because my mom sais that she hates who ive become and until i change i am not allowed to go to shows becasue she thinks thats why ive changed?i mean i know ive changed but thats pretty typical for anyone my age i mean everyone changes at a certain point right?but its not just her its all my sisters and my dad who've noticed and dont like it. But teagan said something to me but she doesnt really care becasue she'll love me no matter what and Bo loves the "new" me. but its just like i know I KNOW I SHOULDN'T CHANGE WHO I AM JUST TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE but in this case i kind of have to becasue my whole family hates it. they say im just not happy as much and i dont smile as much as i used to. but i dont know why?! its not like im becoming sad on purpose?! i also have SO MANy expectations to live up to so if anyone found out some of the things i've been saying and questioning about [my beliefs and stuff] i'd basically be killed by now.i know i shoudnt worry about this as much as i am but i dont want people to be dissappointed in who i am and who i've come to be. i never wanted to just be one of those girls who didnt matter or didnt have their own style or any sense of self. and finally when i felt like i was figuring out who i was and some other stuff i find out they hate it! but [I] like me now. so what do you do? just go back to how you used to be when you were like nine and you had no problems with your parents or finding out who you truly are and what you believe?when i was nine i wore what my parents gave me i listened to the music my parents did and believed EVERYTHING my parents told me. they were always right about everything no matter what. too bad thats not how it is anymore. my parents haven't figured that our yet though.OR do you two-face it and pretend everything is back to how it used to be when reallly inside you never did anything and your still truly that same person your family hates? im questioning a lot of things the parents believe now and why they believe it. why do they always have to be [right]? what if they're [wrong]?
anyways enough about that. so me and bo FINALLy talked and im SO glad. I LOVE BO. i dont understand how someone understands me like he does? and plus me and teagan talked too. a little while ago and it was just because i tend to be not a one person person so i forget to call her and i forget to ask if i can hanng out and stuff but im working on it so were good now. teagan is awsome she is my forever fidus Achates!why does she still put up with me?
wow yesterday this extremely short asian woman who worked at 7-11 said she loved my hair and was asking me where i got it done so i told her my mom does it and she was like okay where do you live? and i was just like um she doesnt relly do it for other people just my family!!haa it was so funny! YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!
...And you laugh and you cry
and you live and you die
cause you don’t really know who you are
all alone in this world
orphan boy, orphan girl
cause you don’t really know who you are
Run baby run
my hands release you
baby run baby run
just as fast as you can
run till your legs lead your heart to the real truth
you’re my daughter, my son,
so run baby run baby run
Hear me laughing as you run from your calling
see me crying in the storms that rage
one way or another, you will be going
to obey is such an easier way
=J.U.
_T H E E N D_