DAY ONE: in a world without butts
No prompt for today (please save me), so I went to Twitter and was given the following: "you awaken to find yourself in a world similar in all aspects to our world, except for one thing: nobody has butts. EORZEAAAAAAAA"
guys, someone, please, let's not subject ourselves to a month of this
SO YEAH, BUTTS.
Guys. I am not sure how to approach this subject gently, so let me just be blunt: something truly horrible happened in Eorzea five/six/two (how are we counting??) years ago. I'm not - I'm not talking about the moon dragon coming forth and raining death and destruction down on everything, although that was pretty bad, I guess. No, I am referring to an event that happened after that.
The butts of Eorzea have withered.
What caused this horror? NO ONE KNOWS. Was it a result of the aether storm? Was Bahamut fueled by our rears (he was kind of an ass...), so that upon his emergence, our very gluts were sucked away to power his fire-breathing rampage? Does Yoshi-P just REALLY HATE BUMS?
We will probably never know. But we have to live with the results. We have to live in this crime against nature itself, in this butt-free realm. Do you understand what it's like to stare into what you assume will be your own fiery death (at least it won't hurt???), only to close your eyes against the light and open them to find you've been flung five years into the future, no one remembers you at all, and YOUR BUTT HAS GONE MISSING? It's just one thing too many, guys. Enough is enough.
Our sole consolation is that Garuda's glorious posterior has, for the most part, remained untouched.
... But even that small consolation is marred by the Garuda-feather furniture item being a couch and not a framed bird butt.
yeah no I give up THIS ENTRY BROUGHT TO YOU BY ERIS OF EXCALIBUR (who, we are pretty sure - and by pretty sure we mean definitely positive - has an extreme case of Butts Disease).
srsly tho gais, do you have any idea how much it sucks to be riding all over the world on choco-back and you have no padding?
[Crossposted from DW. Comments:
]
guys, someone, please, let's not subject ourselves to a month of this
SO YEAH, BUTTS.
Guys. I am not sure how to approach this subject gently, so let me just be blunt: something truly horrible happened in Eorzea five/six/two (how are we counting??) years ago. I'm not - I'm not talking about the moon dragon coming forth and raining death and destruction down on everything, although that was pretty bad, I guess. No, I am referring to an event that happened after that.
The butts of Eorzea have withered.
What caused this horror? NO ONE KNOWS. Was it a result of the aether storm? Was Bahamut fueled by our rears (he was kind of an ass...), so that upon his emergence, our very gluts were sucked away to power his fire-breathing rampage? Does Yoshi-P just REALLY HATE BUMS?
We will probably never know. But we have to live with the results. We have to live in this crime against nature itself, in this butt-free realm. Do you understand what it's like to stare into what you assume will be your own fiery death (at least it won't hurt???), only to close your eyes against the light and open them to find you've been flung five years into the future, no one remembers you at all, and YOUR BUTT HAS GONE MISSING? It's just one thing too many, guys. Enough is enough.
Our sole consolation is that Garuda's glorious posterior has, for the most part, remained untouched.
... But even that small consolation is marred by the Garuda-feather furniture item being a couch and not a framed bird butt.
yeah no I give up THIS ENTRY BROUGHT TO YOU BY ERIS OF EXCALIBUR (who, we are pretty sure - and by pretty sure we mean definitely positive - has an extreme case of Butts Disease).
srsly tho gais, do you have any idea how much it sucks to be riding all over the world on choco-back and you have no padding?
[Crossposted from DW. Comments:
]