Every damn year.
SURPRISE, IDIOT, IT IS APRIL YOU HAVE ALLERGIES NOW, PLEASE STOP FORGETTING AND BEING CONFUSED WHEN YOU FEEL GROSS AND GROGGY AND START SLEEPING FOREVER DESPITE NOT FEELING THAT TIRED.
On top of the allergies grossness, I've spent the day really missing my cat. It has been a month and a half almost, I would really like to stop having bad days like this (though I know emotions do not work that way, but man, these flashes of "suddenly so much emotional pain I could puke" are no fun, even as rare as they are becoming). Kitty. ;_;
Mom and my doctor both suggested I track down a psychologist (actually, Mom said she thought I should see about getting on meds), I dunno. Catapulted into depressive bout over lost boy seems trivial? Like, god, normal people can get over this shit, what is your problem? (And it's hilarious that I am aware enough to know that that is a stupid reason to use as an excuse, when I know better and I know my brain is wrong, and how, but knowing that isn't enough for me to get around it. I really hate that. I should perhaps like to be less aware of my brain's hang-ups.)
30 Days of Video Games
Day 05 - Game character you feel you are most like (or wish you were).
I AM THE UNHOLY EMOTIONAL BASTARD CHILD OF (late/post FFVII) CLOUD AND (early FFVIII) SQUALL.
… YES, I AM AWARE THAT IS NOT EXACTLY A GOOD THING.
mysticeden suggested Riku, or that I could also be the emotional bastard child of a Cloud-Squall-Riku threesome, which is not really any better or any less disturbing. (What is interesting about that is I know she has not read the entry where I noticed that while I harass Riku a lot for his decisions and actions, I also completely understand because I'd probably have done the exact same stupid things. It has spoilers for 358/2 Days, which she has not played yet, and so avoids discussions of!)
... and also told me I had to say nice things about myself, which is haaaaard, but apparently the following all qualify as nice (actually, I am just going to copy/paste the conversation since it is getting late and I am lazy and need to get this damn entry posted, already):
mysticeden: I better see something nice in that entry
Jecca: I, uh, I mean, I don't know, seriously. I keep going even though shit keeps happening?* IS THAT NICE?
Jecca: MY INTENTIONS ARE GOOD?
mysticeden: both nice yes >_>)b
Jecca: I am often not really driven but when I am, SHITGETSDONE?**
mysticeden: lol yes
mysticeden: so see you can say nice things =p
Jecca: whoo
mysticeden: :)
Jecca: now back to how I am an emotionally stunted shut-in
mysticeden: oh geez
Jecca: a *self-aware* one, at least
* oh yeah like that is not the vast majority of the human race
** this one I will actually stand by. I mean, geez, I arranged to move out of my old apartment in under a week's time, and that included talking to the landlord and finding a new place (finding good, affordable housing in this town is not the easiest). If only I could access that motivational force more often?
I guess for a slightly more favorable comparison, I could say I have some stuff in common with Tifa? Less the awesome fighting stuff and more the, whee, taking care of everyone else whilst totally ignoring my own emotional state and doubting myself more than I ought to.
I do not know who I would maybe like to be more like. Someone better adjusted! To continue with the mass of Final Fantasy VII characters, maybe Aerith? Or Zack? They are both awesome, strong, more upbeat characters.
In sort of a reverse of the thing at the end of the "favourite character" entry, what about you guys? I am in a gloomy emotional state, which is making me tend to label myself as the socially maladjusted / awkward / identity crisis-having (I did almost accidentally pull another identity on in high school, when my depression was at its worst. It was kind of alarming when I noticed what I was doing at almost the last minute) / more messed up characters. It is hard to be objective when you are having a brain error. (... ha, see the paragraph above the cut about awareness of problems and inability to work around them. Damn.) Am I giving myself too much credit? Not enough? Who do you think I seem to be most like?
I don't really know what to put outside the bottom of the LJ cut today. Pretend there is something interesting here, or ... something.
On top of the allergies grossness, I've spent the day really missing my cat. It has been a month and a half almost, I would really like to stop having bad days like this (though I know emotions do not work that way, but man, these flashes of "suddenly so much emotional pain I could puke" are no fun, even as rare as they are becoming). Kitty. ;_;
Mom and my doctor both suggested I track down a psychologist (actually, Mom said she thought I should see about getting on meds), I dunno. Catapulted into depressive bout over lost boy seems trivial? Like, god, normal people can get over this shit, what is your problem? (And it's hilarious that I am aware enough to know that that is a stupid reason to use as an excuse, when I know better and I know my brain is wrong, and how, but knowing that isn't enough for me to get around it. I really hate that. I should perhaps like to be less aware of my brain's hang-ups.)
30 Days of Video Games
Day 05 - Game character you feel you are most like (or wish you were).
I AM THE UNHOLY EMOTIONAL BASTARD CHILD OF (late/post FFVII) CLOUD AND (early FFVIII) SQUALL.
… YES, I AM AWARE THAT IS NOT EXACTLY A GOOD THING.
mysticeden suggested Riku, or that I could also be the emotional bastard child of a Cloud-Squall-Riku threesome, which is not really any better or any less disturbing. (What is interesting about that is I know she has not read the entry where I noticed that while I harass Riku a lot for his decisions and actions, I also completely understand because I'd probably have done the exact same stupid things. It has spoilers for 358/2 Days, which she has not played yet, and so avoids discussions of!)
... and also told me I had to say nice things about myself, which is haaaaard, but apparently the following all qualify as nice (actually, I am just going to copy/paste the conversation since it is getting late and I am lazy and need to get this damn entry posted, already):
mysticeden: I better see something nice in that entry
Jecca: I, uh, I mean, I don't know, seriously. I keep going even though shit keeps happening?* IS THAT NICE?
Jecca: MY INTENTIONS ARE GOOD?
mysticeden: both nice yes >_>)b
Jecca: I am often not really driven but when I am, SHITGETSDONE?**
mysticeden: lol yes
mysticeden: so see you can say nice things =p
Jecca: whoo
mysticeden: :)
Jecca: now back to how I am an emotionally stunted shut-in
mysticeden: oh geez
Jecca: a *self-aware* one, at least
* oh yeah like that is not the vast majority of the human race
** this one I will actually stand by. I mean, geez, I arranged to move out of my old apartment in under a week's time, and that included talking to the landlord and finding a new place (finding good, affordable housing in this town is not the easiest). If only I could access that motivational force more often?
I guess for a slightly more favorable comparison, I could say I have some stuff in common with Tifa? Less the awesome fighting stuff and more the, whee, taking care of everyone else whilst totally ignoring my own emotional state and doubting myself more than I ought to.
I do not know who I would maybe like to be more like. Someone better adjusted! To continue with the mass of Final Fantasy VII characters, maybe Aerith? Or Zack? They are both awesome, strong, more upbeat characters.
In sort of a reverse of the thing at the end of the "favourite character" entry, what about you guys? I am in a gloomy emotional state, which is making me tend to label myself as the socially maladjusted / awkward / identity crisis-having (I did almost accidentally pull another identity on in high school, when my depression was at its worst. It was kind of alarming when I noticed what I was doing at almost the last minute) / more messed up characters. It is hard to be objective when you are having a brain error. (... ha, see the paragraph above the cut about awareness of problems and inability to work around them. Damn.) Am I giving myself too much credit? Not enough? Who do you think I seem to be most like?
I don't really know what to put outside the bottom of the LJ cut today. Pretend there is something interesting here, or ... something.