Directive.
Self-sabotage of a new and exciting variety.
I sort of set my own day off on a bad foot by, against my own and probably everyone else's better judgment, dropping in to visit Not Friend Anymore at her work, since I was sure she hadn't received the message that she needed to check her e-mail. She, indeed, had not. I knew she no longer used that address, but the one she does use is a school e-mail account, and that school has a reputation for bouncing e-mails that come from outside the system. I know this. My mother, who started the e-mail chain (Girl Scouts information/discussion), knew this. She knows this. It is widely known.
But instead of saying, sure, she'd go check that e-mail address, she asked me to just explain it to her and she'd give her opinion right then. I'm on my way to work, and don't really feel like taking up her time at her own work, so that's a very definite no. So she asks me to call her and, I don't know, that really... made me angry. You're the one refusing to check the only e-mail account we can reliably reach, and we don't need your input that badly. We've managed to sort things out as far as we have without it. I don't have the faintest clue what your schedule is and I could never get hold of you back when we were actually speaking to each other. I don't know your cell number, I don't even know if you're living at home for the summer. It's not my responsibility to see to it that you, who already have the information but won't access it, are contacted again. Plus, you hate me or something. I feel awkward around people who don't want to be around me.
I didn't say any of that, because... I don't say things like that to people, and I really had to get going to work. But it really irritated me. (For those who've either been following this journal a while or who've read older entries, or who know me in real life, this is the girl who ignored me and lied rather a lot and then wondered why I stopped trying to contact her. I mean, I dunno. You can appreciate someone pretending to be your friend for a while when they're the only person you know in-state, but there comes a point where you realize that if you're going to be lonely, you may as well have a reason to be.) I don't exist to just give you information, and we're not friends anymore, so I'm not in the least way obligated to go out of my way for you. And you'd probably never have done something like that for me even when we were friends, probably never liked me anyway (yay, pity friendship or something, I don't know), and maybe someday I'll work up the nerve to tell you how much that hurts, feeling as if you didn't value me in any way for those last few years, but I probably never will. It probably wouldn't accomplish anything, anyway.
Meanwhile, part of me is perpetually wondering how much my own mind is skewing things so that I can feel even a little better about being so lonely all the time.
So I was frustrated and feeling trivialized and rejected by the universe for most of the afternoon, beca- - - use, right, I'm not allowed to belittle myself like that anymore. Yes.
Then I went with my parents to see WALL-E after I got off work and omg it was the cutest movie ever. Bwee! Little robots! Little robots on Earth! Little robots in space! Little robots (and a few bigger robots) being adorable! Also, a little cochroach that was... also, somehow, adorable. They had... very, very little dialogue (outside of use of names), but that only made it cuter.
I don't really know what to say about it - other than ADORABLE! ♥ - I'm very poor at actually reviewing things, aren't I? - but I highly recommend it!
Edit:
Joy! I just received a message from Hasbro telling me my stuff (including, yes, the SDCC Transformers) has shipped!
I sort of set my own day off on a bad foot by, against my own and probably everyone else's better judgment, dropping in to visit Not Friend Anymore at her work, since I was sure she hadn't received the message that she needed to check her e-mail. She, indeed, had not. I knew she no longer used that address, but the one she does use is a school e-mail account, and that school has a reputation for bouncing e-mails that come from outside the system. I know this. My mother, who started the e-mail chain (Girl Scouts information/discussion), knew this. She knows this. It is widely known.
But instead of saying, sure, she'd go check that e-mail address, she asked me to just explain it to her and she'd give her opinion right then. I'm on my way to work, and don't really feel like taking up her time at her own work, so that's a very definite no. So she asks me to call her and, I don't know, that really... made me angry. You're the one refusing to check the only e-mail account we can reliably reach, and we don't need your input that badly. We've managed to sort things out as far as we have without it. I don't have the faintest clue what your schedule is and I could never get hold of you back when we were actually speaking to each other. I don't know your cell number, I don't even know if you're living at home for the summer. It's not my responsibility to see to it that you, who already have the information but won't access it, are contacted again. Plus, you hate me or something. I feel awkward around people who don't want to be around me.
I didn't say any of that, because... I don't say things like that to people, and I really had to get going to work. But it really irritated me. (For those who've either been following this journal a while or who've read older entries, or who know me in real life, this is the girl who ignored me and lied rather a lot and then wondered why I stopped trying to contact her. I mean, I dunno. You can appreciate someone pretending to be your friend for a while when they're the only person you know in-state, but there comes a point where you realize that if you're going to be lonely, you may as well have a reason to be.) I don't exist to just give you information, and we're not friends anymore, so I'm not in the least way obligated to go out of my way for you. And you'd probably never have done something like that for me even when we were friends, probably never liked me anyway (yay, pity friendship or something, I don't know), and maybe someday I'll work up the nerve to tell you how much that hurts, feeling as if you didn't value me in any way for those last few years, but I probably never will. It probably wouldn't accomplish anything, anyway.
Meanwhile, part of me is perpetually wondering how much my own mind is skewing things so that I can feel even a little better about being so lonely all the time.
So I was frustrated and feeling trivialized and rejected by the universe for most of the afternoon, beca- - - use, right, I'm not allowed to belittle myself like that anymore. Yes.
Then I went with my parents to see WALL-E after I got off work and omg it was the cutest movie ever. Bwee! Little robots! Little robots on Earth! Little robots in space! Little robots (and a few bigger robots) being adorable! Also, a little cochroach that was... also, somehow, adorable. They had... very, very little dialogue (outside of use of names), but that only made it cuter.
I don't really know what to say about it - other than ADORABLE! ♥ - I'm very poor at actually reviewing things, aren't I? - but I highly recommend it!
Edit:
Joy! I just received a message from Hasbro telling me my stuff (including, yes, the SDCC Transformers) has shipped!