Urgent Health Warning

[twilightu]

Due to a recent rise in visits to the Health Services Clinic, the Clinic staff has asked us to issue an urgent health warning. It appears that the Twilight phenomenon has been pinpointed as the catalyst for a drastic rise in bloodborne and infectious diseases on campus.

Twilight University is, therefore, issuing some guidelines to help reduce your risk of contracting bloodborne and infectious diseases:

• Do not, under any circumstance, scratch your neck and offer your blood to any other individual.
• Refrain from permanently damaging yourself with Twilight tattoos (especially the sweaty variety).
• Avoid heavily populated germ factories Hot Topic stores, especially during the height of the flu season.
• If bitten by anyone claiming to be a vampire, please see the health department immediately to rule out the possibility of syphillis or tuberculosis.

If you would like more information on this epidemic or would like to be tested, please make an appointment with Dr. Carlisle immediately.