More Haphazard Cooking With Sarah!
So there was this cranberry sauce/salad/relish stuff that Andy found in a grocery store last year. It was kind of a mix of cranberries, walnuts and I don't remember what else, and it was sort of straddling the line between a congealed salad and a sauce. Tart and sweet and fantastic with turkey, but I would just eat it right out of the container with a spoon because I am a slob.
I looked for it this year, but couldn't find it. I tried five different stores. Granted, I was looking for it ON AND AFTER THANKSGIVING DAY, so maybe they had it at one point and were out of it. I don't really know. What I do know is that I have The Internet, so after a suitable period of mourning I opted to figure out how to make it my own damn self. There were lots of recipes for various cranberry salads, but I am missing whatever part of the brain you need to follow a recipe, so after glancing at about half a dozen of them I went to the store, bought whatever I thought sounded good at the time, came home and did this:
Cranberry Glop
- Fresh or frozen cranberries (I used fresh, because that's what my store had)
- Orange juice
- Orange zest
- Lime juice
- Can o' pineapple chunks
- Granny Smith apples
- Celery
- Box or two of appropriately flavored jell-o (cranberry if you can find it, I used black cherry because I could not)
- Chilled Martinelli's Apple-Cranberry cider
- Sugar
- VODKA
- Consider measuring things out based on those recipes you saw online. Decide that measurements are for sissies, especially with a recipe that involves gelatin and will therefor take some basic understanding of chemistry. WHATEVER. Disregard measurements. Rinse your cranberries and pick out any suspicious-looking ones. Wonder what constitutes a "good" cranberry anyway, since you are not familiar with them.
- Put the cranberries in an appropriately-sized pan. At this point, we have 12 oz. of cranberries. Be proud of yourself for knowing that. Drain the can of pineapple chunks right over the cranberries, set the chunks aside.
- Add some orange juice and vodka so that it looks like you're making "cranberry soup." Throw in a splash of lime juice and some orange zest so that you feel like a real cook. Turn the heat on medium.
- Dice up celery a couple of apples, remembering to stir the cranberry mixture occasionally.
- After a few minutes, wonder if your berry-to-liquid ratio might not be incredibly off because you, missy, were a little heavy-handed with that vodka, so add more berries, screwing up any sense of measurements you previously had. Oh, well. Remember that cranberries are naturally very tart, and even though this isn't a dessert you don't want it to be too tart. Add a few spoonfuls of sugar in there, as well.
- Chop up the walnuts, and put that aside, with the celery and apples.
- As the mixture in the pot boils, the berries will start to audibly pop open. Be delighted by that fact. Cheer them on. GO CRANBERRIES, GO! YOU ARE AN AMAZING FRUIT I NEVER USE! The mixture will also start turning red at this point, reassuring you that you did not make mistake using orange juice instead of cranberry juice (you could probably use cranberry juice in place of one of the other juices if you want to... whatever floats your boat).
- Once the cranberries are popped and softened, stir in the jell-o. Wonder if you should have measured how much boiling liquid you need for jell-o. Look at the box. Realize you probably have more than 2 cups of boiling liquid in that pot, but be unsure about how much. Measuring is for sissies, right? Open another box of jell-o and add that as well until you feel better about yourself. You're using the sugar-free kind, so what does it really matter? Don't worry about it so much, kitten, you got this. Taste the mixture at this point, though, to test the tartness level. You can still add sugar here, but beyond that there isn't much you can do if it's too sour (if it's too sweet then just tell people you DID intend to make a dessert).
- When jell-o is completely dissolved, pour the hot mixture into a cold bowl with the celery, apple, and walnuts. Add the chilled Martinelli's (or sparkling cranberry juice, or uncarbonated cranberry juice, or cold water) and stir.
- Divide into two containers, one with the crushed pineapple and one without, because some people don't like canned pineapple as much as you do. Stick both containers in the fridge and leave them alone while they decide whether or not they want to set. Hopefully, you fussed the ratio just enough to get the stuff to straddle the line between a sauce and a gelatin, but it probably doesn't matter too much, so long as it isn't a soup.
Basically, what I ended up with was pretty close to what I remembered. It's not exactly the same, but it's pretty tasty. I have way too much of it, though, based on my "I'll just add more of THIS" tendency. Oh, well, I suppose there are worse problems to have.
We're having a Bird & Bros dinner party on Saturday (both of our brothers are coming over, and Andy is going to cook some manner of poultry), kind of a belated Thanksgiving-at-home in a way, mostly to celebrate the fact that I decorated my apartment for Christmas. So hopefully this will go along nicely as a side/condiment/whathaveyou. It's about as convoluted as the occasion, so I think it's appropriate!
I looked for it this year, but couldn't find it. I tried five different stores. Granted, I was looking for it ON AND AFTER THANKSGIVING DAY, so maybe they had it at one point and were out of it. I don't really know. What I do know is that I have The Internet, so after a suitable period of mourning I opted to figure out how to make it my own damn self. There were lots of recipes for various cranberry salads, but I am missing whatever part of the brain you need to follow a recipe, so after glancing at about half a dozen of them I went to the store, bought whatever I thought sounded good at the time, came home and did this:
Cranberry Glop
- Fresh or frozen cranberries (I used fresh, because that's what my store had)
- Orange juice
- Orange zest
- Lime juice
- Can o' pineapple chunks
- Granny Smith apples
- Celery
- Box or two of appropriately flavored jell-o (cranberry if you can find it, I used black cherry because I could not)
- Chilled Martinelli's Apple-Cranberry cider
- Sugar
- VODKA
- Consider measuring things out based on those recipes you saw online. Decide that measurements are for sissies, especially with a recipe that involves gelatin and will therefor take some basic understanding of chemistry. WHATEVER. Disregard measurements. Rinse your cranberries and pick out any suspicious-looking ones. Wonder what constitutes a "good" cranberry anyway, since you are not familiar with them.
- Put the cranberries in an appropriately-sized pan. At this point, we have 12 oz. of cranberries. Be proud of yourself for knowing that. Drain the can of pineapple chunks right over the cranberries, set the chunks aside.
- Add some orange juice and vodka so that it looks like you're making "cranberry soup." Throw in a splash of lime juice and some orange zest so that you feel like a real cook. Turn the heat on medium.
- Dice up celery a couple of apples, remembering to stir the cranberry mixture occasionally.
- After a few minutes, wonder if your berry-to-liquid ratio might not be incredibly off because you, missy, were a little heavy-handed with that vodka, so add more berries, screwing up any sense of measurements you previously had. Oh, well. Remember that cranberries are naturally very tart, and even though this isn't a dessert you don't want it to be too tart. Add a few spoonfuls of sugar in there, as well.
- Chop up the walnuts, and put that aside, with the celery and apples.
- As the mixture in the pot boils, the berries will start to audibly pop open. Be delighted by that fact. Cheer them on. GO CRANBERRIES, GO! YOU ARE AN AMAZING FRUIT I NEVER USE! The mixture will also start turning red at this point, reassuring you that you did not make mistake using orange juice instead of cranberry juice (you could probably use cranberry juice in place of one of the other juices if you want to... whatever floats your boat).
- Once the cranberries are popped and softened, stir in the jell-o. Wonder if you should have measured how much boiling liquid you need for jell-o. Look at the box. Realize you probably have more than 2 cups of boiling liquid in that pot, but be unsure about how much. Measuring is for sissies, right? Open another box of jell-o and add that as well until you feel better about yourself. You're using the sugar-free kind, so what does it really matter? Don't worry about it so much, kitten, you got this. Taste the mixture at this point, though, to test the tartness level. You can still add sugar here, but beyond that there isn't much you can do if it's too sour (if it's too sweet then just tell people you DID intend to make a dessert).
- When jell-o is completely dissolved, pour the hot mixture into a cold bowl with the celery, apple, and walnuts. Add the chilled Martinelli's (or sparkling cranberry juice, or uncarbonated cranberry juice, or cold water) and stir.
- Divide into two containers, one with the crushed pineapple and one without, because some people don't like canned pineapple as much as you do. Stick both containers in the fridge and leave them alone while they decide whether or not they want to set. Hopefully, you fussed the ratio just enough to get the stuff to straddle the line between a sauce and a gelatin, but it probably doesn't matter too much, so long as it isn't a soup.
Basically, what I ended up with was pretty close to what I remembered. It's not exactly the same, but it's pretty tasty. I have way too much of it, though, based on my "I'll just add more of THIS" tendency. Oh, well, I suppose there are worse problems to have.
We're having a Bird & Bros dinner party on Saturday (both of our brothers are coming over, and Andy is going to cook some manner of poultry), kind of a belated Thanksgiving-at-home in a way, mostly to celebrate the fact that I decorated my apartment for Christmas. So hopefully this will go along nicely as a side/condiment/whathaveyou. It's about as convoluted as the occasion, so I think it's appropriate!