Why can't i be angry with him...
I guess i just feel numb now... i really can't feel anything... I thought i was angry but that just turned into depression and lead to...well...things... I hate this and the worse part is i try to be angry and i can't... i just can't... i mean yeah i can vent in that moment but when it comes right down to it... i can't do jack shit... I've tried... but i just end up getting more angry with myself and not him... like somehow it's my fault even though i know its not... i dunno... it just hurts... it hurts... and everyone says that love shouldn't hurt... but thats a lie... you have to hurt to know its real... no true relationship is painless... its just some hurt more than others... And i'm willing to hurt... i know i'm just weak... worthless... but please don't fuckin pity me... i'm putting myself into this situation... and i'm willing to deal with the pain just because a part of me believes he actually cares more than he shows... and that if i stick around long enough he'll finally see... i hope... maybe i am just wasting my time... but i don't give a damn... i know what i want... and though a lot of people would disagree with me i feel somewhere deep in my heart that somehow i'll hold on to him... even if its not the way i want at first... i can't be mad if he dates someone else... yeah i can cry and feel like life just isn't worth living anymore... but i always feel like that... Its something that i live with on a daily basis... and everyone's like "You shouldn't let him hurt you" well what do you want me to do... i'm sorry but i didn't pick the one i fell in love with my heart did... and you want me to tell my heart not to love him... thats like telling me not to cry and then cutting deep into my skin. Its just not going to happen...not matter how much i try to will my heart not to care... i do... and there's nothing i can do...