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Still Alive: A Ballad to Paladin Tanking, by Khaavren Sunthorn, Age Eighty-Six and a Half

(to the tune of Still Alive, written by Johnathan Coulton. try these lyrics the next time youplay rock band!)

My Plate is from Triumphs
I'm making a note here: UNDERGEARED.
It's hard to understate my mitigation.

Paladin tanking:
We taunt what we must, because we can.
For the good of the whole raid--
(Except the rogues who are dead)

But there's no sense crying over every mistake;
You just keep on wiping till your roommate's awake.
And the Tanking gets done
And you make a rep run.
To the bosses who are still alive.

I'm not even angry
I'm being so sincere right now.
(Even though you dragged the ooze right by me)
And gave me the debuff
And stood in the great big pool of slime.
Rotface cheers and tells us that he made an angry poo-poo!

Now these piled up bodies make a beautiful line.
There are respawns, people--
No releasing this time.
Soulstone's down? "It got burned."
On progression fights we learn
About bosses who are still alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to take the rez.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe the Warband--
THAT WAS A JOKE. HAHA. FAT CHANCE.

Anyway, this floor is great!
It's so slime-covered and moist--

Look at me still talking
while there's tanking to do.
When I see you kiting I am GLAD I'm not you!
And the healers are stunned.
There's facerolling to be done.
On the bosses who are still alive.

And believe me I am still alive.
I'm tanking Rotface and I'm still alive.
I'm BUBBLEHEARTHING and I'm still alive.
While you're wiping I'll be still alive.
Ho damn, repair bill! But I'm still alive.
STILL ALIVE
Still alive...