Just a shadow
I just can’t seem to fathom what other people are thinking or dealing with.
I try so hard to reach out, to make contact, to forge some sort of link, and it is completely disregarded. It’s not that it is even shut down, or blocked off, or I am told to go fuck myself. At least then it would be some sort of answer, some form of finality. Instead, and in my torturing mind far worse, apathy is the response. It is somehow so much more painful to receive neutral answers and returns than it is to get a negative one. To have such feeling and emotion buried behind a question and then to have that person respond as if it were just another inquiry is just so damaging.
It makes you feel as if your place in their life doesn’t matter.
It makes you feel like you could disappear tomorrow and it would make no difference.
It makes me feel useless.