before the night turns into dawn [ part iv ]
title. before the night turns into dawn
fandom. twilight series
pairing. edward cullen x jacob black
rating. pg
part. part iv
words. 3 083 words
notes/warnings. inspired by never too late by three days grace; warnings are severe angst, self-mutilation (cutting), and attempted suicide.
disclaimer. i do not own the twilight series, it's the property of stephanie meyer.
part iv.
Trying to keep anything secret from Jacob was difficult. The young shape-shifter didn't have any special abilities to speak of, but he was incredibly attuned to Edward's very presence, and he knew that the scent of the young vampire was old. It didn't help his stability at all.
While Carlisle was fretting over whether or not restraints would be needed for Jacob's transfer into his home, he was speaking to the nurse about keeping Jacob sedated during the move, lying through his teeth about the dosages that would be needed. After all, Jacob's body temperature caused most medications to burn off much quicker then a regular person. Carlisle was working with trial and error in regards to how much of the sedative he would need to administer in order to keep Jacob under.
Billy knew that Jacob was no longer unconscious or being kept unconscious, but he also knew that it was a necessity for his transport to the Cullen household. He wasn't too keen on the idea of his son being in the same house as a bunch of leeches, but it would be safer for him there.
The pack was very divided in regards to Seth's imprinting on a vampire. It was only after assurances from the other Elders that it was extremely rare and unlikely to happen more then once every hundred years or so, they'd chosen to let it go and live with it. Still, it had caused a division in the pack, between those who didn't believe it was true, and those who supported it or just didn't really care; it wasn't their life, after all.
It left everyone taking sides, and if it came out now that Jacob's attempted suicide was because of a leech... needless to say that it cause a lot of unnecessary tension between the wolves and the Cullens. That was the last thing they needed.
Tearing apart the pack was something that no one would allow, and that was precisely what would happen. Billy was stressed enough as it was, worrying himself to exhaustion over his son, that he didn't need the extra concerns. Sam was trying to help, by keeping everyone as out of the loop as possible; it helped, though, that he didn't know much about the situation either. Under strict orders from the Elders, Seth wasn't allowed to phase until this entire dark
“Mr. Black you're, off course welcome to visit your son whenever you want too,” Carlisle was saying. “I'm sure that Seth or Jasper would be more then happy to drive you.”
The young wolf in question was exhausted, and was using Jasper's shoulder as a pillow, snoring lightly as he slept. He hadn't slept very much in the past few days, he'd stayed at the hospital with Billy to keep him company and so that he could stay up to date on what was going on with Jacob. His vampire love had stayed because of Seth. The pitch black color of his eyes spoke volumes about just how much Seth meant to him.
Imprinting was truly a mysterious force.
“Thank you doctor Cullen,” Billy replied. “For everything. I just want all of this to end well, Jacob is all I have. He means a lot to me.”
A small smile touched Carlisle's lips, “I understand. This will all work out, I don't need to an ability to see the future to know that. It'll be fine.”
Billy snorted, “I don't know how much Edward knows about imprinting, but it's a good thing that he's gone. He'd better think this through, cause I won't lose my only son because of his stupid actions.”
“Edward over thinks things, but he'll do the right thing; I'm sure.”
- -
For Edward, going anywhere where there were people who he knew, was out of the question. Going to Alaska meant facing Tanya, and she was the last person who he wanted to see. And Tanya would automatically think that something had gone wrong between him and Bella (which was true), which meant that she'd probably try to make a move on him. That was the last thing that Edward needed; he was confused enough as it was with the whole imprinting thing.
Tanya was just a friend, and even if she gave him sound advice on a occasion, she was still quite interested in him as a lover.
Which was why Edward had found the most isolate place he could in the middle of the Albertan Rockies where he was sure that no one would follow him. He need time alone, where he could think. Too much had happened in a such a short period of time, and he had no idea of what he wanted or what he should do.
Going back meant facing Carlisle, Jasper, Alice, Bella, Seth. Jacob. Why did it have to be like this? Love triangles didn't need to be this complicated! He had wanted the wolf to find someone, if only so he wouldn't be spending the rest of his life pining over Bella, but he'd never wanted this! This... imprinting gave the both of them so many problems that would be almost impossible to make it work.
The largest problem, was Bella.
Wait, was he actually considering going through with this? Didn't he love Bella? Want nothing more then to be with her? He'd been willing to die for her, let himself be destroyed because he couldn't face the reality of a world without her. What had changed?
Edward sighed, throwing away all of the unneeded questions. What he needed to do was get straight down to what was truly bothering him. That was how he'd always solved these issues, by stripping it down to its foundations. You found your answers that way, if you worried about the superficial bits, then it would take you forever to sort through all of the unneeded questions.
Something about Bella had changed, that was what was wrong.
She wasn't the woman he'd fallen in love with, or thought he had. Edward's experiences with love were very, well, they were non-existent. He'd had nothing to compare the confusing feelings that he had towards her, and he'd been so sure too that it was love he felt, and not some strange curiosity.
When he'd asked Emmett, he hadn't been too helpful. Emmett's only thought when he'd met Rosalie, and then, was that she was his angel and would be the only one, ever, for him. It was a simple love, but for the two of them, it worked. Of course, it hadn't helped Edward at all with his problems involving Bella, so he'd been left with very little to go on.
Carlisle had been happy for him, and had encouraged him to take it slow, to get to know her better. He was ecstatic that Edward may have found someone who could fill that place inside of him, and Esme was thrilled too. His 'parents' were very supportive through the entire process.
On the other hand, Alice and Jasper had been a little more, well, reserved. Alice had warned him to take it slow, and had asked Edward if it was something that he really wanted. She'd offered him everything that she could, all of the advice she could offer was his if he ever needed it. If he chose to go through with it, then she'd support him and do whatever it took to keep him and Bella happy and together.
Jasper, though, was much more hesitant about accepting the human girl. As Jasper had put it, something about her hadn't seemed right. When he'd first been officially introduced to her, he'd said that something about her didn't seem too stable to him. Something could snap in her easily. Bella's unnatural depression and clingy possessiveness that he witnessed when they were hiding her from the hunter only seemed to prove his suspicions.
There had been no exaggeration when Jasper had called him out on the rather abusive nature of their relationship, it was completely true. But Edward had denied it at the time, hadn't believed it to be true. Bella was too perfect, too beautiful and kind for her to be like that. Now, though, he could see the holes, the dark nature of her feelings for him.
She needed someone who she could cling too in order to keep her from turning into a zombie, and she'd apparently found that person in Edward. He was too easy to manipulate, because of his firm belief in his deep love for her. Edward would be there whenever she was on the brink of a breakdown, and he'd stitch her back up again only for her to feel that he belonged to her, and only her, even more. Bella's emotional and mental stability was entirely dependent on him, and she planned to use him as thoroughly as she could.
That realization left Edward reeling. He felt cold and empty inside, not to mention violated. He'd opened himself up to this girl, and she'd taken advantage of him for her own selfish needs. How could he ever have believed that he loved her?
Again, that was a difficult thing for Edward to come to terms with. He'd been so lonely for so long, that he'd been desperate for someone to fill that long empty void inside of him that he'd looked anywhere to fill it. Even if it meant that he'd be used, he was too willing for it. Bella had, for a while, been what he needed, had filled that void, but her sinister intentions couldn't stay hidden from him for long.
What made it worse was Edward had started to see the rotting seams which held them together, and he'd ignored them. He hadn't wanted to believe that he'd made a mistake, because that would mean that he'd have to start all over again. It meant that he'd be alone again. He would miss the warmth in his chest of having someone there too much to give it up.
Now, though, he had a chance for a more healthy relationship, and he was worrying about it in the middle of nowhere, with no idea of what to do still. He could choose to give Jacob a chance, which would probably be best (and he hated to admit that), or he could continue on with his unhealthy relationship with Bella, ignoring all of the cracks.
Edward let another sigh slip past his lips, everything was so much more difficult now. Why couldn't it have stayed simple?
- -
Charlie was shocked, it was too difficult to find words to express the situation. It wasn't until Billy stuttered out something weakly, that he finally broke out of his trance to ask, “How did he break out?”
“One of the nurses was bringing him in lunch,” Carlisle explained with a heavy sigh; rubbing his temples with his fingers. “He slipped out and past her, then went straight into the woods. We can't be sure of where's gone.”
“I'll get the force on it,” Charlie offered. “We'll look everywhere for him, he can't have gotten far.”
A brief nod from Carlisle, “Yes, that's a good idea. Thank you Charlie.”
Forks' chief of police was out of the hospital waiting room in seconds, and then he was speeding on his way to the police station to start organizing a search party to find Jacob. Even if Carlisle and Billy knew that it was fruitless, it gave Charlie something to do to take his mind off the fact that Bella was mixed up in all of this, and not in a good way.
He loved his daughter, but he loved Jacob as he would his own son. Forcing him to choose between Jacob and Bella would be too much, it would be best if everything worked out well. Though, Bella's attitude would pose a huge problem. She wouldn't be willing to let go of Edward any time soon, he was too important to her well-being and stability for her to give him up easily.
“He went looking for him, didn't he.” Carlisle knew that it wasn't a question, but he still treated as though it was.
“That's most likely where he's gone. The connection between those who imprint is very strong, maybe even stronger then the connection between mates.”
“Mates?”
Carlisle nodded, “Our equivalent to imprinting. When you find the one who is your mate, everything clicks into place. Everything is right, you would never need anyone or anything else as long as you have them.”
“... I see. How do you think Charlie will take this newest development?”
“Somehow, I don't think that he'll be too surprised. I think he's known for far longer then we have that this relationship between Edward and his daughter was never going to end well. He's probably known how unhealthy it is, that's why he's been pushing her towards Jacob. He just... didn't want to think that his daughter was the one causing it to be unhealthy.”
“I'd say that it was all that vampire's fault, but I somehow doubt that it is.”
Shrugging, Carlisle turned away, looking over at Seth and Jasper, who were having a hushed conversation in the corner of the waiting room. Seth seemed agitated and worried, but Jasper was keeping him calm, kept telling him to think things through before he acted. The two of them were so perfect together, that Carlisle knew he had nothing to worry about.
Edward and Jacob were perfect for each other, they just had to see that for themselves.
- -
Edward had taken to pacing in his small little clearing, working through his problems that he was running from. It didn't help that he knew he'd have to confront Jacob soon, especially after seeing the state which he'd been in last time he'd seen him. It wasn't fair for him to just leave him like that, Edward's heart went out to Jacob, even if he had hated him.
No one deserved to be driven to the point where they felt that their only way out was to take their own life, and Edward hated himself for being the reason for why Jacob had tried. He'd never actually said outright that he hated the young man, he had said that he owed him quite a lot, however. But how do you say to someone who was supposed to be your mortal enemy that you'd be willing to take a chance to fall in love with them?
Edward really had no idea.
He'd been pacing the same path for days, now, and had worn himself a little tract in the round for his problems. The entire clearing was soaked in his scent, a beacon for anyone who was looking for him. Edward knew that he'd have to move soon if he didn't want anyone who may have come after him to find him. But he wanted to wait just a little while longer, there was still a lot that he needed to think through.
He might have decided on a course of action, but had no idea of how to follow through with it. He always had problems with this part of making a decision. Too often Edward would spend lots of time over thinking everything until he wasn't sure of what he'd decided in the first place.
It wasn't that he was indecisive, he just thought too much sometimes, which meant that it took him a very long time to reach a decision. The fact that he'd spent several days up here thinking about what he was going to do, what he should do, said a lot about himself.
Edward sighed, stopping, and he rubbed his temples in frustration. Being brave and doing the right thing was much harder then all those stupid romance novels and movies made it out to be.
Before Edward could do anymore of his worrying, he was tackled to the ground by something that he hadn't heard approaching nor had he heard the thoughts of it. Stunned, Edward found himself with an armful of a crying Jacob Black.
For several long moments, Edward was too shocked to do or say anything other then lift his arms up and wrap them around the crying wolf. He couldn't think of what to say, much less what to do. He hadn't gotten this far, and his mind right then was a total and utter blank.
It took him a while to come back to himself. For one thing, he wanted to know how the young man had gotten here. As far as he'd known, he'd been under house arrest by an entire family of vampires, and that was impossible to escape from. Secondly, he wanted to know how Jacob had found him; his scent should've faded to almost nothing in most places, it would be near impossible to have tracked him.
“Jacob?”
The only response he got was the hands twisted in his shirt tightened, and Jacob curled closer to him. Thoughts of rejection and hurt flew through his mind. Edward winced as each thought hit him and caused new hurts to spring up on his heart. How could he possibly hurt someone this vulnerable?
“How did you-?”
“Come back.”
Edward blinked. Had he just heard him right?
“I'm sorry, what?”
“Come back, dumbass.”
Now that sounded more like the Jacob he knew. Even Edward knew that he was acting a bit stupid, but then again, it seemed to be in his nature.
“I was planning on it.”
“Good.” Jacob's arms tightened, and the wave of hurtful thoughts surged through him with a strength that Edward had only heard from him at first. “... Bella's been asking for you. She wants you back.”
“I don't want to go back to her.” Easily, Edward flipped their position, pinning Jacob to the ground beneath him. He met startled brown eyes, and noticed the flicker of hope inside of them. “I made up my mind. I'd give you a chance.”
Jacob blinked up at him, too shocked to speak or even think, his mind was surprisingly blank. That told Edward that drastic actions must be taken in order to get a response out of the young wolf. He sighed, then his lips crashed down onto Jacob's.
epilogue