before the night turns into dawn [ part iii ]
title. before the night turns into dawn
fandom. twilight series
pairing. edward cullen x jacob black
rating. pg
part. part iii
words. 2 723 words
notes/warnings. inspired by never too late by three days grace; warnings are severe angst, self-mutilation (cutting), and attempted suicide.
disclaimer. i do not own the twilight series, it's the property of stephanie meyer.
part iii.
The simple idea of all of it seems so preposterous, but Jasper and Seth had proven that nothing was impossible in the world. Carlisle knew that this, though, was different in that Edward's relationship with Bella was complicated, and delicate at best. That thin thread of sanity within the young woman had snapped, and had sent everyone spinning into a whirlwind descent into chaos.
Her whining voice echoed back through the halls of the hospital as she demanded that Edward tell her why her best friend had tried to commit suicide.
Please, don't tell her.
Carlisle wasn't too sure about the reasons behind his silent plea to his son in every way but blood, but he didn't believe that Bella would take this news too well. She'd just got Edward back, there was no way that she was ever going to let him go again. Whatever it was that brought on imprinting, it had obviously been too little too late. After all, even if Jacob and Edward were meant to be together, were soul-mates in every meaning of the word, there was just no way that it could be possible.
Only now did Carlisle regret ever letting the connection between Edward and Bella grow to the dysfunctional and abusive relationship that it now was. Nothing about it was healthy, and Carlisle could only see it ending in unhappiness.
What made it all the more tragic was that Jacob would never get anything near a happy ending. It was too much like a Shakespearean tragedy, only in this one, Romeo and Juliet lived to unhappily ever after, and it was the one who truly loved Romeo who died a lonely death.
For now, Carlisle had to keep Edward and Bella away from Jacob. Because if Bella wished that Jacob would just die, he knew that Edward would do whatever it took to make sure that it happened; even if it meant shattering some part of his heart to do it. All it would take was for him to tell Jacob that he wanted him to die.
Then there would be no point in anything that Carlisle, or anyone else could do, just knowing that the one whom he'd imprinted on didn't want him to even live would be enough to send Jacob into a state of depression from which he'd never recover. It didn't seem fair to Carlisle that something like this should ever happen, it was why he'd been slightly hesitant about giving his approval on Edward's relationship with Bella.
Something about the entire relationship just screamed abuse, and it just seemed more prevalent after they'd returned. Edward couldn't even go on a proper hunting trip without being terrified that Bella would believe that he'd abandoned her and she'd do something stupid to make him unwilling to leave her even more.
Maybe a few months in a psych ward would do her a little good.
Knowing that there was nothing else that he could do for Jacob at that moment, Carlisle turned away from him after telling him that if there was anything that he needed, he just had to ask. He made his way back towards the front lobby where Billy and Charlie were anxiously awaiting news.
Against a wall near the entrance to the lobby, Carlisle found Jasper and Seth. The vampire still looked to be in pain, his arm was draped casually around Seth's waist, but it was more of a way for him to intensify his empathic ability. If he had physical contact, it would strengthen his connection with the young werewolf and helped him better overcome the hugely negative emotions he knew that Jacob was experiencing.
Seth's head was resting on Jasper's chest, close to his neck and just over where Jasper's still heart was. His eyes were half-closed, and one of his hands was pressed against the vampire's chest. All in all, it was a very peaceful scene which cheered Carlisle greatly.
At the very least, there was still hope for the world yet.
It was Seth who looked up when the subtle tapping of Carlisle's shoes on the linoleum floor. His eyes met the dull gold of Carlisle's, almost as if seeking some sort of confirmation. Obviously, the truth had come out, and it wasn't surprising that Seth knew; Jasper would have known easily, tasting the emotional atmosphere of the hospital with his unusual gift.
“What is Edward going to do?” Seth's soft voice broke the silence.
Carlisle paused, unsure of what he should say, “I don't know. But I need to talk to Charlie and Billy, I think it would be best if Bella was kept away from Jacob until he's more... stable.”
In an almost imperceptible movement, Jasper's hand tightened its grip around Seth's waist, pulling the young wolf closer. Seth looked away from Carlisle and looked up at the vampire who he'd imprinted on and would do anything for. There was no need for words, they understood each other on a level that was surprising given the length of time that they'd been together.
“We'll handle Edward.”
Carlisle could see a lot wrong with letting that happen, but Edward would need something hard an brutal in order to come to terms with everything. This wasn't something he could talk to Bella about; he'd have to start confiding in his family again. No more of this 'it's for Bella's well-being' or any other excuses, now this was about something more then Edward's rather selfish desires.
“Just try to keep any aggressive action to a minimum; I don't think Esme would appreciate having to replace any windows, walls, or fix holes in her walls.”
With that warning in place, Carlisle left the odd couple and proceeded into the hospital's lobby to speak with Billy Black and Charlie Swan.
- -
The moment Carlisle Cullen stepped through the doors into the lobby, he knew that there was something terribly wrong. His stomach felt uneasy, and was doing back-flips. He cared about Jacob just as much, and maybe just a little bit more, then he did his own daughter and he could pinpoint the exact reasons as to why.
Unlike Bella, he'd watched Jacob go from diapers to the young man he'd become now, and Jacob had never complained or made an effort to show that he liked Forks; it was all genuine. Charlie liked that, the almost transparent honesty that Jacob demonstrated. While there were times that he felt Jacob was hiding things from him, but he knew that they were things that he didn't need to know. Sometimes, less was more.
But the unease he felt settling into his abdomen told him that things were going to change.
And change big time.
“Good afternoon mister Black, Chief Swan,” Carlisle greeted the two of them, taking a seat in one of the hard plastic seats across from them. “I have good news... and I have bad news, which would you prefer to hear first?”
“The bad news,” Billy replied in his usual gruff manner.
Carlisle sighed and averted his eyes, “The bad news is that we now know why your son tried to take his own life.”
“Why?” Charlie couldn't help but ask.
A brief glance between Carlisle and Billy, then, “Chief Swan, it's because he, well, he fell in love with someone that he couldn't have.”
Charlie frowned, trying to work out what that meant. There could be any number of people who that could apply to, but he couldn't quite figure out with any certainty just who that could be. He'd need just a little more information, and he would luckily be getting that much sooner then he'd expected.
“But the good news is that he's stabilized, and we can have hope that he'll eventually recover if he has the proper support from family and friends.” There was something more then that, Charlie could tell, but he couldn't read past the lines.
“We can't keep him here in the hospital for much longer, but I don't think that he should be left on his own until his mental state has settled back into something more stable. I want to keep a close eye on him as well.”
Charlie was about to offer up the spare bedroom at his place, but hesitated when he thought about the scene that he'd overheard his daughter having with her boyfriend just moments ago. Something about it wouldn't leave him alone, and he decided that it would be much better if he kept as much space between Bella and Jacob as possible.
“You're the doctor here,” Billy replied. “I'll trust that you'll do whatever's best for my son.”
“I thank you for your faith in me, I think... I think it would be best if Jacob stayed with me and my family until I can be sure that he'll make a full recovery.”
“Do you really think that would be best?” Something in Billy's voice told Charlie that there was something more to this request then what was actually said, but he couldn't quite figure out what it was.
“Yes, I think this would be best to resolve the... issues, that Jacob's been experiencing.”
Billy frowned but made no more protests, “Well, if you think that it's best, then I've got no objections. I can come visit him though, right?”
“Yes, of course, I think that'll definitely be helpful for him to know that you'll support him through this, and despite his attempt, that you still love him,” Carlisle replied with a warm smile. “And Charlie, you're always welcome as well.”
Taken aback, Charlie blinked in shock before he found his voice to respond, “Oh well, um... sure, if that'll help Jake.”
“It will, I'm sure.”
- -
He hated himself even more. Jacob knew that it was useless, and he'd hoped that he'd never have to face Edward, because it only hurt him more to know that the one he'd imprinted on knew that he'd been the reason for his attempted suicide. Jacob hated that he might have caused Edward pain, and it made him loathe himself more then before.
The last thing on Edward's mind was Jacob Black.
It hurt Jacob much more then he cared to admit. This, though, had to be a pain that Jacob had to bear alone, because no one else would want him around, or even care about what happened to him, now that he'd imprinted on his mortal enemy.
Carlisle would have obviously told his father about his imprinting, and it only hurt Jacob more to know that his father would hate him so much. There was no way that he was ever going to be able escape the consequences of something that he couldn't change. It wasn't his fault, but Jacob kept blaming himself for it; there had to be something wrong with him, because this... this wasn't natural.
Jacob found it most difficult to deal with the fact that he hated himself for making Edward feel any pain about something he'd done.
He wasn't stupid, he remembered what Bella had told him about her vampire sweetheart. He knew that Edward would blame himself extensively for anything that he thought might be his fault, and even if they were enemies, he didn't doubt that Edward would have wanted this. Of course, though, he doubted that Edward would ever do anything to try and stabilize him; that was too much to hope for.
They were still mortal enemies, and Edward was already in love and tied so tightly to someone else; Jacob's best friend. No matter how much Jacob wanted Edward to be his, he knew that it would never be possible. After all, he still loved Bella, maybe not how he'd once had, but it would still be better if he'd been allowed to die, because then both of them would've been happier, better off, without him.
That was right, that's why he'd decided that it would be for the best if he died, everyone would be happier without him.
- -
Bella wasn't pleased at him, that much Edward knew. When he'd refused to tell her anything under the guise that he didn't know what was going on, she'd yelled at him that she knew he was lying, and she would find out no matter what she had to do to find out.
Somehow, it didn't seem like she was so much the sweet and innocent girl that he'd first fallen in love with. It was as though something dark had wormed its way into her and had corrupted her from the inside out. Or maybe, this had always been inside of her, and he'd just overlooked it. After all, Edward had been so desperately searching for something, someone, to fill that void inside of himself even though he hadn't been aware that he'd been looking.
Could it be a possibility that Bella wasn't what he'd been looking for?
Had Edward opened the proverbial Pandora's box and cursed his family?
It was possible that just maybe he'd been unconsciously looking for something else, but his conscious mind had instead kept the values which he'd known as a human. And now that he thought he had what he'd always wanted, something came up to show that it wasn't what he really needed.
Since he'd driven Bella in her truck to the hospital, Edward had no conventional means to get home. He could always walk or run, but during the day that was running a high risk. But he did need time to clear his head, so Edward headed out into the woods.
Unfortunately, he didn't get much time to himself.
“Conflicted?”
He hadn't heard Jasper following him, not his thoughts, nor his actual approach. But then, Jasper had always been the most stealthy out of all of the family. It had to do with his survival through the hell which he'd lived through during the first century or so of his new vampire life.
“Yes... maybe... I don't know...” Edward's voice sounded broken, distant. He really didn't know anymore what he wanted, or what he needed.
Not bothering to use his particular gift to keep Edward calm, Jasper stayed a few feet back from the distressed younger vampire, instead using it to read the emotional turmoil that he was experiencing. But still, just the presence of the older vampire was enough to keep Edward from snapping.
“You are, you're doubting yourself.” The fact that Jasper didn't use his thoughts to communicate with Edward, as everyone did, gave a clear picture of what Edward's mental state was.
Normally, Edward could filter the 'voices' which he heard, blocking out those which he didn't want to hear but right then, he couldn't. He could hear Carlisle's, Billy's, Charlie's, Jasper's, Seth's... Jacob's. The last one was the one which was completely destroying his mental concentration.
“All this time, you've been denying things.”
No, no, no...!
Edward's legs gave out beneath him, sending him to his knees. He wanted to deny Jasper's accusation, but something in him kept him from verbally doing so. Instead, he was stuck within his mind, parts of him rebelling against it, and others welcoming it with surprisingly open arms.
“You have a chance to go after something that won't hurt you, Edward, so why are you fighting it? Why are you running from it?”
Why are you running from it...?
Something about what Jasper was saying rang true, but Edward didn't want to admit it. He'd been so sure about everything, about his love for Bella, his lack of his soul. There was a lot that he'd been so sure of, but now, all of that was thrown into chaos, and he wasn't sure of anything anymore.
Edward felt alone, something he thought he'd cured when he'd found Bella. But had what he'd felt when he first met her, that blood lust, had it merely led to a curiosity? Could it be possible that he'd never really loved her? And that everything he'd felt for her had simply been intrigue for why he couldn't hear her thoughts? Why he wanted her blood so much?
He didn't know anymore, nothing made sense.
part iv