Part III [ Swaying Blade, My Lullaby ]
Notes: The exams are now over, which means that I now have the rest of my exam break to myself. It's really nice to have my freedom back after the hell I had to put myself through in order to study for my exams so that I could pass them with good marks. Okay, I know you guys don't really want to hear about my personal life, so here's the next installment in the story.
Parts: Part III [ Swaying Blade, My Lullaby ]
Rating: pg13
Pairing: Jasper/Jacob
Words: 4 614 words
Disclaimer: The Twilight series and its characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, who I am definitely not. This means that I don't own the characters or anything but the strange circumstances that I slap them into. I'll put them back once I'm done with them, promise.
Swaying Blade, My Lullaby
My eyes were burning, and despite the exhaustion that was clawing at my mind and body, I couldn't let myself sleep. There were too many uncertainties floating in my head, and a whole hell of a lot of thoughts I shouldn't be having. I think I would've cried with the frustration of it all, but I'd already cried myself all out the night before.
I knew I couldn't spend the whole day locked up in my room, but I'd rather stay in my room then have to go out and brave everyone's reactions. And besides that, I was still having a rather hard time with coming to terms with the entire 'I just imprinted and it's on a vampire' thing. Well, actually I was doing better then I thought I would. Blame the whole imprint thing, it was seriously screwing with my head.
There was a banging at my door, and I threw the other pillow over my head, while curling up around my pillow; which still had slightly damp spots on it from all my crying.
"Oi, Jake open up!" That was Quil.
"Yeah! We wanna talk to you! And Seth's here too!" Embry.
"... I can talk for myself, Embry."
"GO AWAY."
I didn't want to talk to them, or see them, for that matter, considering what had happened last night. Some part of me was scared that they wouldn't accept my imprint, but I was also aware that there was that slight chance that Sam could order them after the vampire to kill him; fearing that it might not be what it was. It was that which scared me the most, but I also just wanted to be alone.
That was my fear of rejection.
Ridiculous, seeing as I was the perfect choice for whatever the blond vampire could ever want or need, but Bella had said that now the entire Cullen family had their mate. But somewhere, that voice was telling me that I had nothing to worry about.
"Oh, c'mon Jake! Let us in! We wanna talk to you." Quil and Embry obviously hadn't wanted to give up on seeing me that easily; though, I was very glad that I had Seth on my side, cause he automatically got the idea that I did really want to be alone.
"Quil, I think maybe we should give Jake some space. You should know how it is when you imprint."
"Yeah, but-"
"Let's leave him be for now, we can come back later. See you around Jake!" Dimly, I heard their footsteps fade and then the front door slam close behind them as they left. I noted that I'd left my window open from the night before, but I didn't want to have to get up to close it. From outside, I could hear their voices drifting in from where they were talking on the front porch.
"... shouldn't he have snapped out of it?" Embry was asking.
"Depends, none of us know the consequences of if one of us imprint on one of them. He might not snap out of this for a while, or it could be just temporary. Like I said, I don't know; my experience is with imprinting on a human."
"Hey, don't look at me Embry, I haven't imprinted."
I was still curled tightly around my pillow, with my thoughts a huge jumble of pieces. But even I couldn't have missed what they said next, and it made me curl up in almost horrified embarrassment around the pillow even more.
"Seth, you go find that leech."
My life could not have gotten any worse.
.:-o-:. .:-o-:. .:-o-:.
I think about another hour had passed, when there was another knock at my door. I thought that it was the guys back to bug me again, so I threw the pillow at the door with another, "Leave me alone" as a warning. Turns out, it wasn't the guys.
"Jake?" That was Emily. "Um, I know that you might not want to talk to anyone... but would you please let me in? Or at least let me talk to you? I mean, I'll understand it if you'd rather I left, but everyone's worried about you, and Billy has started to ask questions. We can't cover for you forever."
Well, I wasn't going to let her in. I still didn't want to face anyone in the pack until all of this had been worked out and I was a little more sure of my future. There was a lot I didn't know, but most importantly, I desperately needed to know that the one who I'd imprinted on would appreciate me. I just needed confirmation that this was a mutual feeling.
Another light knock at the door brought me back to reality.
"Jake?"
Now that I was actually out of bed, I propped myself up against the door; wrapping my arms around my knees as I drew them to my chest, "Yeah... I'm here Emily."
"I take it you're not going to let me in?"
"... just tell me what you came here to tell me and leave me alone." I knew I was being rude, and I knew Sam would probably kill me for it later; but I wasn't in the best of moods at that moment. All I wanted was to be alone until the rejection came and I'd go and throw myself off the nearest cliff.
"Seth went, you know, to go talk to that lee - the one you imprinted on."
"Heh, he's a leech, Emily, you don't have to dress that up." Oddly, the word left a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth.
I was guessing that she had also taken a seat on the other side of the door, because I felt and heard a thump from the door; Emily's voice sounded a little closer now, "I know. But I don't want to upset you, and besides that...
"Everyone doesn't think less of you Jake, because of this. It doesn't matter who you've imprinted on, it doesn't change who you are, and we will still accept you because you are part of this family. This doesn't change anything."
I scoffed, "Leah seems to feel otherwise."
"If you don't want to, the others will understand if you decide to take a break from the pack. But Quil, Embry, and Seth all really want you back."
I knew that Leah would never change, at least not very easily, and she hated the Cullen family with everything she had because she believed fervently that they were solely responsible for where her life was headed. For what had been stolen from her, she blamed them. And now, I was, in her mind, one of them; and she couldn't forgive me for that. Ever. Quil and Embry would stand by me, just like best friends were supposed to do; and Seth was the only one who wouldn't judge me because of this. Seth was the open-minded one, who saw the good in everyone and wouldn't pass judgement on someone because of what they were or because of something outside of their control.
At the very least, I knew that I would have three allies; three people who would stand by me. Emily was too kind, she was the understanding one, she would accept me no matter what.
"You guys are all being good about this."
"We don't want to lose you."
"But we're forgetting one thing," my voice was bitter, cynical. "All of this is riding on whether or not that cold one who I imprinted on will give me the chance for a relationship of any kind. For all we know, he could quite possibly want me dead. Remember what Bella said? They're all together, I've just stepped into the middle of an established relationship."
"Jake..."
"And from what I've heard, he's with the one who can see the future; the one who can't see us, conveniently enough. What could I give him that she couldn't? She can give him whatever he needs before he needs it, she can tell him what he needs to hear before he does; she's perfect, perfect for him, for anyone, and I can't do that.
"What can I give him, Emily? We're two completely different races, who just happen to be mortal enemies and are meant to fight each other to the death. I'm mortal, he's not. What can I give him that he can't get from anyone, anywhere, else? What am I to him but a nuisance? A mistake? Tell me Emily, what can I give someone who already has everything?!"
"I... I can't..."
Letting my head drop to my knees, I felt exhausted after my little tirade; I was emotionally drained and I didn't feel like I could feel anything more at that moment. All I wanted was to be alone, so that I could wallow in my own misery of what could have been. I'd rather fantasize about what I could have had. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, and all I wanted was to be alone when I lost it.
"Emily just... just leave me alone."
"Jake..."
"Please! Just... just go!"
"O-okay..." I heard her stand up, and then her footsteps going down the hallway to the kitchen. Then, I heard her talk softly with Sam, and I knew that she wasn't the only one who knew that I was coming apart at the seams. But then, Emily and Sam told each other everything; there were no secrets between them.
I ignored them, and only a tiny portion of my mind noted that they closed the front door behind them with a bang. And I didn't care that they were worried about me, that I was coming apart at the seams because the one who I imprinted on would never want anything to do with me. My heart was having troubles coming to terms with that. All I wanted was to be left alone to my own misery and hatred of myself.
For a number of reasons, I should have been angry. But I couldn't find it in myself to be able to feel that way; all I was feeling was how utterly alone I felt. Somehow, I didn't feel so forgiving of myself when it should be him who I shouldn't be able to forgive; but that's not how it went.
If he was happy, then I couldn't hate him for finding that happiness with someone else, but it hurt me because I was hating myself for wanting to take that happiness away from him to satisfy myself. I was a horribly selfish person, and that was what was making me so unhappy. The fact was that I couldn't be happy unless I had him, and I couldn't.
Billy wasn't home, I couldn't smell him anywhere and I hadn't heard him come home either. What I was planning to do was stupid, and it wasn't very likely to work, but there had to be some way for me to alleviate the pain that I was feeling. I needed to remedy how selfish I was being, and the loathing that I felt because of that towards myself.
Luckily for me, you could say, Billy kept the kitchen knives on the counter in a knife block. And it was the kitchen that was my destination after I unlocked my door and left my room. All I needed was to grab one of the knives from the block before I went right back to the hole I'd crawled out of.
I locked the door behind myself again, and then leaned back against it, sliding down until I was sitting on the floor, knees upright and close to my chest. Weighing the knife in my hands for a few moments, I actually debated about what it would take with it to kill me. It would have to be a clean hit, somewhere in the internal organs where it would be nearly impossible to heal quickly enough to save me. A hit to the heart would be my best bet.
But I wasn't doing this because I wanted to die, because there was that slim possibility that, at some point, he could change his mind. All the blame for this should be on me, I didn't want him or anyone to think that I'd killed myself because of him. I wasn't going to kill myself, I couldn't do that to Billy; it would kill my father to know that I'd done that, and this... this was just about the pain. It was about causing the pain because I was being a selfish ass.
The first cut was across my forearm, and the stinging pain relieved my loathing for a while, but then it surged back, and I had to make another cut. It was now, of all times, that the tears decided to start coming. I must make some pathetic sight, sitting alone in the dark of my locked room, with a knife and bawling my eyes out.
It doesn't take me very long to exhaust myself to the point where even I can't take anymore. All day has just been one downward cliff after another, and my body can't keep up with the constant emotional roller coaster that I've been on since very early this morning. I hadn't slept, at all, within that time frame, and my body just gave out.
I welcomed the black abyss of unconsciousness.
.:-o-:. .:-o-:. .:-o-:.
What startled me out of my state of unconsciousness was the feeling of something cold and hard touching me. It was a stark contrast to the heat of my own body, and it must have been that which woke me up. Opening my eyes, I could have sworn that I was dreaming. Well, either that or I was dead, one of the two.
A pair of dark gold eyes were staring at me, and I found that I couldn't look away, even when those eyes flickered away from mine, taking in the rest of me. My breathing was catching in my throat as both of his hands were now holding my face in place as his eyes looked over it, and I found that I couldn't look away. I was praying that this wouldn't be a dream; I was terrified that I'd wake up and wouldn't be able to move on with the imagery and sensations my subconscious had summoned for me.
Of course, then he had to kiss me, and I still wasn't waking up. Alright, let's face it, my brain kinda just walked out on me right there. I didn't think that I could dream this up; I wasn't that creative.
His lips smoothed over mine, velvet soft and cold; and he pressed forward, pushing me against the door with just the right amount of force to make me know that I didn't own him. He owned me.
Something cold and wet traced over my bottom lip before it was tugged at, and I realized belatedly that it was his tongue and his teeth. In some rational part of my brain that still was functioning for some reason, told me that I should be worried about the venom; but the rest of me just told it to shut up as I arched up against him. Really, I didn't care if he killed me by this point, or even if it turned me, all I cared about was the simple fact that he. Was. Kissing. ME.
The burning in my lungs was being firmly ignored, until he seemed to remember that I did need to breathe, and pulled back. His scent was still in my nostrils, and I very nearly whined at the loss of his lips on mine. Again, those golden eyes looked me over.
"This isn't a dream... right?" He frowned for a moment, then smiled at me.
"Not a dream. If it was, then I wouldn't be seeing it too." The rational part of my mind supplied the remainder that vampires couldn't sleep, hence they couldn't dream. He leaned in again, the frown back again as he released my face and instead took up one of my now healed arms in his hands. "Why would you do something like this...?"
Now we were going to have a talk about why I'd been cutting myself? Oh fucking lovely.
"I don't want to talk about it." I looked away, suddenly unable to meet his eyes which looked like they were trying to lift the truth from my mind. Now the guilt was catching up to me; I shouldn't have doubted that this would happen, or that something would, and now I was making him feel miserable and responsible for what I'd done. "It had nothing to do with you though... please don't be mad at yourself."
"Heh, I blame myself for a lot of things, this is one of them."
"Don't. I did this to myself and - what the hell are you doing?!" His tongue snuck out, running along the streaks and slightly scabbed dried blood that was still all over my arms. It wasn't so much that I was disgusted or anything, more like I was surprised that he was doing it. Of all the things that had run through my head earlier, this wasn't one of them.
He didn't respond until my entire forearm, which had been covered with gashes, was cleaned. The venom made my skin tingle as it dried, but I didn't mind it. In fact, I was wondering what it would feel like in... other places. I don't think I had such an innocent mind anymore... still a virgin though.
I placed my hand over his, the difference in temperature was amazing; and a small gasp slipped past those statuesque, perfect lips, and I couldn't help but wonder what they'd taste like. Leaning forward, I kissed him.
It was a lot different this time, and I think it was because I was taking the initiative instead of him. He leaned forward, easing me back against the door again, taking advantage of my own parted lips to plunge right in. It was an extremely interesting experience, one I was sure the rest of the pack weren't going to happy about experiencing when I finally phased again.
At first, I was a little nervous about the venom, but then I tossed that concern right out the window. Why the hell should I care? I'd imprinted on him, there had to be some reason for that so it shouldn't matter if I ingested the shit; and anyways, it's not like it tasted bad or anything. His tongue was almost brutal as it plundered my mouth, tracing over everything there was before snaking around my own tongue and encouraging it.
Leaping into action, I took his face in my hands and pulled him forward as my own head hit the door with a very loud thud. There wasn't any pain, and even if there was I would have ignored it, and I felt the icy feeling as his hands planted themselves on my thighs, gripping them tightly. There wouldn't be bruises there, but now I was starting to feel something that I was completely unfamiliar with as I pulled the other's tongue into my mouth and sucked on it.
It wasn't until his entire body was pressed up against my own that I realized how extremely hard I was. Not too mention the hard erection I felt pressing against my own. I had no idea what I was doing, and the lack of proper sleep wasn't helping me at all. When I'd frozen up, he pulled back, searching my face for something.
He smiled at me, "Let's take this at least a little slow, alright Jake?" I couldn't help but blush when he used my nickname; the way it rolled off his tongue made it very... seductive, I guess. My brain still wasn't function all that well; and my raging hard-on still hadn't gone down, I'd need a cold shower to take care of that.
It was about now that I became aware of the thud of the front door, and I heard my dad calling out my name from the kitchen. When Jasper made to stand up, I grabbed his arms.
"Don't go. Just stay in here, okay? I'll be right back." He looked at me for a moment, then nodded.
He pulled me onto my feet, and made sure that my tee was straightened out and that my sweats were properly pulled up around my hips; they'd slid a bit scandalously low during our uh... kissing. Once that was done he unlocked my door and shooed me out with one last quick kiss.
Great. Now I had to confront my dad about the entire situation. This was going to be a lot of fun.
Billy was still in the kitchen, so I had enough time to duck quickly into the bathroom after calling out to tell him that I'd be right there. I scrubbed the dried blood off my other arm and dried it before splashing some cold water on my face to better wake myself up; I tend to say too much when I'm tired, and there were things that I was sure my dad didn't need to know.
Just thinking about what I was going to have to tell Billy was enough to squelch my hard-on from earlier.
When I got out of the bathroom, Billy was at the kitchen table, Sue at his elbow. Oh. Well fuck, I was screwed. Wait, I was screwed before. Gah! I wasn't thinking straight, didn't help that I still had Jasper's scent all over me and that was proving to be distracting too. Though, it was also helping to calm me down. Or, you know, that could have just been him.
"It's good to see you up Jake, I was starting to get worried." I glanced at the clock; it was just about nine. Wow, I'd spent a lot of time in my room before Emily had gotten there, and Seth and the others had only been here in the late afternoon. I'd pretty much wasted an entire day.
"Uh, yeah..." I shuffled, uncomfortable with their eyes on me; especially Sue's. Her eyes seemed almost accusatory in nature, though I think she'd been listening to Leah too much. "Listen dad, I need to talk to you about something that happened last night..."
"Did the leeches do something?" His eyes narrowed, and the hate was dripping off his tone. In me, something was roaring to be let out. I didn't like that it had to be this way, but I knew that there was the chance that he wouldn't too happy about who I'd imprinted on; much less that there was a vampier in his house.
"Well, not exactly... see um, dad, I kinda well..."
"Imprinted on a leech is what." Damn Sue. I was getting to the point.
"Yeah..." I felt like throttling Sue right at that moment, but I held myself back. For one thing, I'd feel horrible later that I'd killed a human, and someone who I cared about; but I'd wanted to tell Billy what it was that had happened, and Sue had no right to say that. "And don't call him a leech Sue."
There was a lot of silence after that.
"You... WHAT?!" I winced at the volume of my dad's voice.
"Sue just said it. Very bluntly and clearly, but I'll repeat it if I have too. I imprinted, on a vampire." A male one too, but I wasn't going to tell him that just then.
"Jacob William Black!" I noted the use of my full name. "Just when were you planning on telling me this?!"
"Uh, when I figured out just what I was going to do about it...?" It came out more as a question, but my dad didn't seem to notice that. He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
"So this is why Sam told us he had made some changes to the details of the treaty..." He nodded to himself, then, "So? When do I get to meet her?"
"Uh... first off, it's a he, and he's just down the hall in-"
"A HE?!"
"Yeah dad... it's a guy." I shifted, uncomfortable with my dad's tone of voice. "And he's just down the hall if you want to meet him."
"He's in the HOUSE?"
"Well uh, yeah? He hasn't been here long though." Billy's eyebrow twitched, but he nodded.
"Alright, let's meet him. Sue? Thank you for bringing me home, but I think that you should head home; your kids are probably worried about you."
Sue nodded stiffly, "Of course, I'll come by in the morning then?"
"It would be appreciated."
"Alright, goodnight Billy, Jacob." She disappeared out the front door.
"So you really wanna meet him?"
"I said I did, so let's see him."
I didn't even have to go back down the hall to my room, because Jasper was very suddenly at my side looking rather intimidating. This was when I realized that he'd probably heard the entire conversation. Sighing, I still felt exhausted, Jasper reached out, taking my hand in his; and I felt a little more awake then, not to mention filled with comfort. Oh, that was right. Bella had said that he had some form of empathic powers... made sense.
"Well, introduce him Jacob," my dad was as gruff as ever, but he was also probably tired too. I swallowed, still a little nervous, but Jasper squeezed my hand and I felt a wave of calm courage wash over me. I guessed it was Jasper's way of telling me that I could do this.
"Dad, this is Jasper - "
"Whitlock." I nearly did a double-take at the last name, because I distinctly remembered that Bella said his last name was Hale; same as the blond bitchy chick.
"Yeah, Jasper Whitlock. Jasper? This is my dad, Billy Black."
"A pleasure to meet you," Jasper replied, smiling just a tiny bit. I was pretty sure he was making the effort because of me, or it could be that he was just naturally a very polite person. Well, it didn't matter.
"It's nice to meet you too." Billy wheeled himself over to us from where he was on the other side of the kitchen table. He thrust his hand out, which Jasper was prompt to take. A brief handshake, then both released the others hand quickly. Well, they'd never be friends, but they could at least get along somewhat; though I think they were both only making the effort to please me.
It sucked, but I'd deal.
I yawned, and automatically the attention as all back on me. Jasper allowed Billy to wheel past us, and my dad called back down the hall, "Get to bed Jake! And I don't wanna hear either of you doing ANYTHING suggestive! Keep it in your pants until I'm out of the house!"
That made me turn an extremely bright shade of red, and Jasper shifted a little uncomfortably and looked away from me in embarrassment. Well, he made it look good; even though he couldn't blush due to being dead and a vampire. I was getting over the fact that I'd imprinted on a vampire rather quickly; though the whole sex aspect was completely new to me.
When I yawned again, Jasper snapped out of his embarrassment, slinging his arm around my hips and pulling me close to him. The cold, hard feel of his body was welcome, and I let my head rest on his shoulder, exhausted from everything that had happened today. Jasper led me back down the hallway to my room, picking me up and putting me on the bed.
I, of course, pulled him in after me to his surprise. And once the covers had been pulled up around us, I snuggled close, my head resting over his chest, and murmured, "You'd better be there when I wake up..."
Cold fingers ran through my hair, and I had one arm under me that came up around my shoulders, pulling my closer until I was half on top of him. I slung my own arm over his hips, finding that I was already drifting off to sleep.
"Goodnight pup. I'll be here when you wake up."
.:-o-:. .:-o-:. .:-o-:.
Okay, there. I finished the part. And it morphed into a monster too. Anyways, a few things that have been changed. For one, the venom isn't poisonous to the wolves; I find this something stupid that Meyer did, it makes fighting vampires very hard for werewolves. My thinking is that they're not completely immune to it, the venom would probably cause them to turn into a hybrid of some sort. Details haven't been ironed out. And ingesting WOULD NOT CAUSE THIS MUTATION TO OCCUR. Scientifically speaking, ingesting venom wouldn't kill you, in fact, it probably wouldn't have any adverse effects; it would pass harmlessly through the body. Meaning that the venom would have to hit the blood stream to have any effect.
On another note, Jake's height's been changed. This is more because I was thinking that 6'7 is a bit on the side of being dangerous. I know Meyer obviously wasn't thinking about the scientific or medical ramifications of the werewolves being 6'5+, but I know enough to know that it's inching in on being diseased. The main cause of giantism (which causes people to be way above average height, and the werewolves are close to this), is a tumor on the pituitary gland which causes it to excrete excess amounts of growth hormones; and this usually results in the person's death at a relatively young age. This is why his height has been changed to being 6'2 (plus Jen likes the idea of him being shorter then Jazz).
Any questions? Please leave me a nice review?
Twilight.
Interlude II