Comments | twilights_blue: FIC: No Shortcuts

twilights_blue

FIC: No Shortcuts

Jul 22, 2011 19:18

Title: No Shortcuts
Author: twilights_blue
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Descriptions of dying
Word Count: 643
Summary: She looked down at the fallen woman, eyes alight in amusement. “Did you find it, by the way? Happiness? Did your money give you that?”
Author's notes: Third entry for brigits_flame. Written in a day, rushed. I kinda think this is an experiment of how short you ( Read more... )

fic, writing

Comments 6

leticiae July 23 2011, 17:38:41 UTC

I loved the take on this prompt. Unhappy endings are somehow better. Don't you think? Maybe it's just me.

Mona sounds like one evil demon. Poor Susanna!

keppiehed July 24 2011, 23:44:07 UTC

Ooh, this was a great concept. The last line stood out, and Mona was a vivid character. I am usually a fan of brevity, but in this case I think this could have benefited from a little bit more length. Otherwise, this was fun and well-written. You are blazing quite a trail this month!

osoreranai July 26 2011, 17:24:51 UTC

I had a feeling someone was going to take the 'sold my soul' route. And I think you handled it admirably. I had a really easy time seeing Mona, and the vividness of her character versus the fade of Susanna was striking on my first read-through.

the phouka goes ROAR..politely bardiphouka July 27 2011, 08:20:15 UTC

Mona's entrance is one of the best I have read here so far..wonderful.

A ROAR to you! bluegerl July 28 2011, 20:16:21 UTC

This is a most surprisng story, starting so 'ordinarily' and then twisting into the 'Oh surprise!' And I loved the idea of the Devil being a female!!! IN red - too. I too think it would have been even more 'interesting' if you could have spread it a little. I wanted more of the last third! Jolly good idea though, and most original. Sorry I'm so late, and I don't even know if this will post!