It's about believing
batman is difficult to watch simply because of that noise which I hate so much. Every time Heath was on screen they decided to accentuate the creepy-ness with that bloody sound. I almost screamed in my seat the first time. I sat there my hands stuffed painfully into my eardrums to escape the sound. Alanna if you haven't seen it yet, be in for a doozy dear. August is on me and I have so much to do and so much to worry over. I have to re-work the story to make it just right. Must buy loads of film, send back the lens that came since it's for a digital camera (sooo disappointed), go upstate and take a few pre-production shots to make sure things will turn out how I'd like, also must find the right dress for Elly. This will sound like a load of nonsense to those who don't know me. What I'm doing is embarking on an extremely difficult project all because I feel it must be done. I'm making a movie out of photo stills. It's the most ambitious creative project that I have ever considered. All the rest have fallen short because of, well because I didn't believe in myself. I'm stopping that kind of thought now. I can't afford to because for once in my life I feel like I'm going to hold steady to this idea of being a photographer. It seems to fit me as a person, and I feel will give me room to go off and do those other creative outlets that I once thought would be my profession. Truth is though I'm not outgoing enough to be an actress or musician. Outgoing in the sense of having to always be in the limelight. I'm not great at the social things and those are very social professions. I think I could handle the level needed in the photography field. It's more about something other than myself, though I made it, it's about the image and what it brings to the table. I also feel like it would be a happy life for me, whether freelance traveling all over the world, or working for a magazine picking pictures. Fashion photography or journalistic photography it all seems interesting and fulfilling.
Sometimes I worry that this is just another phase of mine, but I'd like to believe that none of my aspirations where phases. I truly do and did enjoy being in plays and I still write songs and record them. I still like to draw and paint when I can. I think I've just come to the decision that this is the best suited for me, or at least something along this line will lead me to what will be a happy career. I just want to do what I enjoy. It's like this: karma is petty I should learn not to judge... a. Even the smallest of jibes get me a pair of hands holding a picture of the same prom dress that I had criticized b. He doesn't know this doesn't know I'd seen his internet ego shrine and glanced at a life I did not yet know, yeah I gagged when I saw his girlfriends pink princess prom dress I even brought my mother over to show her it in all it's awful glory c. Now I'm constantly reminded that the center of my attention's center has terrible taste and that it doesn't matter that I have designer clothes and a keen eye for vintage So it's like this: Karma is an ugly bitch