[fic] love, crime.
love, crime.
r - haetukz au
summary: kim jungshik has never let the city bring him down, but lee donghae has done everything in his power to let himself be pulled down. [same verse as in peace, closing.]
lee donghae is a slender boy with slender muscles and a chip on his shoulders.
jungshik wonders for a second what could've possibly happened to the boy to make his face so drawn and angry, but then he remembers. they live in the city, and everyone in the city sooner or later has the same face. jungshik himself is one of those rare people who flaunts his laughter in the street when everyone is quiet, strolls down the street as slow as he can while people push and shove against him. it's his way of not going crazy.
he almost doesn't know what to do with lee donghae though.
lee donghae is twenty-three and being accused of attempted armed robbery. the way his fingers twitch at his sides makes jungshik think that it probably wasn't quite so attempted.
jungshik wants to save him.
"So, Donghae." jungshik pauses, smiles. "You know this isn't exactly going your way, right?" he taps a finger against the open file on this desk. lee donghae has been in and out of juvie since he was fifteen, in and out of prison since eighteen. his file is almost an index of every possible petty crime there is.
donghae's face is expressionless as he slumps back against the chair, long legs stretched as he rests his feet on top of jungshik's desk. "Yep."
"All the evidence is really not in your favor. You're probably going to go to jail." jungshik keeps his smile.
"Probably." donghae's voice is a drawl, he's got an accent that twists his words into almost another language. "You gonna arrest me or not?"
jungshik's smile doesn't die. "I'd really rather not. You seem like an okay kid."
donghae finally looks at him, and at first, his expression is incredulous. he looks jungshik up and down, then his mouth twists into a leer. "You wanna fuck me? Wanna pound my ass?"
there's a clatter and a crash and jungshik looks up to find hyukjae in the middle of a mess, face red. "Uhmm, yeah, sorry, just ignore me." hyukjae's face matches his hair, dyed red again because daniel has unhealthy obsessions with weird things like hyukjae’s hair color, and the white chair with the white pillows he bought just for hyukjae to sit in.
jungshik listens to hyukjae, turns back to donghae, but donghae is watching hyukjae with something close to awe in his eyes. jungshik bites his tongue, leans in close, whispers. "You wanna fuck him? Wanna pound his ass?"
donghae jerks back and his face is immediately angry, but he can't hide the way he blushes. jungshik laughs and laughs and hyukjae sends him confused glances and donghae glares some more.
---
"Stop followin' me, will you?" donghae huffs and strides faster down the hallway of the courthouse.
jungshik wonders how the boy can walk so fast wearing his wannabe combat boots with the laces undone and the sides flapping. he can barely keep up in his sneakers. "I'm not following you, I just happen to be going in the same direction as you."
donghae glares at him over his shoulder. "Fuckin' dirty old fag."
jungshik laughs. "That's me. Hey, you wanna go out to dinner? To celebrate you not going to jail for a crime you committed?"
donghae whirls around and his eyes are narrowed. "I didn't ask you to get me off, okay? I was perfectly fine goin' to jail. I didn't make you lie to that judge and those people. I don't owe you anythin’, and I'm not a fag, so if you're lookin' for me to be so grateful I let you fuck me, I swear I'll fuckin' kill you the first time you touch me."
inside, jungshik is taken back. he's heard worse then donghae's little rant, but from bigger, uglier guys. donghae has a mouth like one of bottecelli angels, and it's almost dirty in a sexual kind of way. jungshik covers everything up with a smile. "I'm not looking for anything, thanks. Just heading out to dinner, and wondering if you wanted to come along. I hate eating alone, you see, and my best friend's too caught up in his own life to eat with me anymore." jungshik wasn't trying to let his slight bitterness show, but it comes out regardless. jungshik hates letting people see when he isn't happy. he needs people to see only him being happy.
donghae sizes him up, as he seems to do every time he looks at jungshik, and there's a long silence before he shrugs. "Whatever, as long as you don't try anythin' funny. And you're payin'." he turns and starts up his military march again and jungshik is smiles again and he follows quickly after.
---
lee donghae eats like hyukjae.
jungshik is only slightly stunned watching the boy stuff down three hamburgers, four large fries, a milkshake and a slice of chocolate pie. donghae eats with both hands, keeps touching at the edges of the containers as if he's afraid someone will come and steal his food, and jungshik knows that it's probably happened more than once.
"You can slow down, you know. I'm not going to touch your food." he pokes at his own cheeseburger and grins.
donghae looks up at him, back down to his food, then sets down the packet of fries he's holding in his left hand and the endless intake of food into his mouth slows down into discernible bites and chews. he hasn't spoken a word since the courthouse. jungshik's heard about the one step forward, two steps back method, but this is the first time he's really seen it in action, and goddamn, it's an annoying thing. he wants to take donghae by the shoulders and shake him and touch his hair and kiss him and-
lee donghae might just be a mindreader on top of everything else. "Why're you starin' at me like that, like you're gonna eat me?" he makes a face and pushes away from his food and there's sudden anger on his face. "I told you, I'm not gonna-"
"Just shut up and eat, will you?" jungshik rolls his eyes and pushes donghae's food at him. "Have I touched you? Said anything inappropriate? No, so stop being so paranoid and eat."
donghae only stares for minutes, his eyes quick over jungshik's face, but he finally relaxes and starts eating again. jungshik almost doesn't catch it when he speaks quietly under his breath. "Being paranoid can save your life..."
one step forward, two steps back.
---
jungshik thinks about lee donghae and lee donghae's attitude and lee donghae's wide mouth when he should be looking over crime scene photos and pulling up a list of people to interview.
"Someone's really got you whipped." daniel slides behind his desk across the room from jungshik and grins very very faintly. "You've been starting and stopping all day."
jungshik grins. "Yeah, I know."
"Who?"
jungshik shakes his head and tries again to concentrate. "Someone rude and dirty and underfed and almost beautiful for it."
daniel snorts. "Don't go trying to save every lost soul you come across. You'll only end up the loser."
"I know."
---
"Yo."
jungshik turns without thinking, one hand on the handle of his car door, another slipping automatically to rest against his gun holder, and lee donghae walks out from the shadows of the parking lot with both hands in the air.
"After being such a goody-two-shoes, you're gonna shoot me?" donghae is grinning, the corners of his mouth twisted up into something exaggerated and cynical.
jungshik relaxes and leans against his car. "Depends on what you're doing here. People like you tend to avoid a police station."
donghae lowers his hands and looks to the ground. "Yeah, people like me..."
jungshik wishes he could take back his words, but he can't, so he stores the regret inside like everything else in his life, and smiles. "Anyways, what are you doing here?"
lee donghae looks up with something very close to sheepishness in his eyes. "Hungry."
jungshik knows he's a fool because lee donghae only wants him for food, but he can't help but imagine it's something more than his bank card that has lee donghae coming back. he admits he's a fool. "Okay. Me too, let's go eat."
---
"i saw jungshik in the parking lot with this boy that looks like trouble. you don't think he's-" hyukjae's eyes are wide.
daniel can't believe that hyukjae can still be so innocent and naive and surprised. "i don't think anything. jungshik can take care of himself. you, on the other hand, are a different matter."
hyukjae huffs and rolls his eyes but lets himself be pulled into daniel's arms.
---
"Why are you so smiley all the time? It's kinda fuckin' creepy." lee donghae is back in jungshik's office, his feet back on jungshik's desk, but this time he isn't handcuffed and awaiting a trial date.
jungshik shrugs and pretends that he's really absorbed in his paperwork, when really he's wondering how donghae can look so dirty and filthy but smell like heaven. "I'm just a normally happy person."
donghae snorts. "I think that's bullshit. I think it's just somethin' you do 'cause you don't want people to see what you're really thinkin'. I bet you've got tons of repressed anger." jungshik blinks and donghae is suddenly leaning over his desk, his mouth inches from jungshik's, his eyes calm and laughing. "I bet you're so close to just exploding." his breath ghosts over jungshik's cheek and jungshik swallows because donghae is so close (in more ways than one) and he doesn't want to give away what he really thinks about donghae. it takes all his strength to pull away and look down.
"You'd make a pretty good psychiatrist, it's cute." he laughs softly.
donghae doesn't answer but jungshik doesn't look up and its five minutes passed when he finally does, and he's alone in his office.
---
"Let's go eat, my treat."
jungshik stares at lee donghae standing in the doorway of his apartment, grinning and wearing clean normal blue jeans and a long-sleeved black sweater and his flopping army boots. "How did you get here?"
donghae's grin only gets wider and it's scary, jungshik thinks, because donghae doesn't really grin, he smirks. "Criminal, remember? Don't get soft and start thinkin' I’m a good person."
jungshik has to laugh. "I won't... Food, again?"
donghae nods. "Yeah, my treat this time too."
"What's the catch?" jungshik is already stepping back inside and trying to find his jacket and his shoes. donghae closes the door softly behind him as he follows him in. jungshik has one arm in his jacket, one foot in a sneaker, when a cool hand touches his face. he looks up and donghae's looking down at him, utterly confused.
"Why are you always so ready to drop everything and do what I want?"
jungshik shakes his head, looks down to slip his foot into his other shoe. "I don't know."
donghae laughs. "Yes you do, you just don't wanna tell me. It's okay though, I'll get it outta you." it sounds like a warning and a promise at the same time and jungshik can't stop smiling at they walk down to the diner, again.
---
"I grew up in an orphanage, just like every other fuckin' hood rat in this city."
jungshik can't get over the fact that he's laying on the hood of his car in the middle of the night by the river and that lee donghae is sitting beside him. he's even more stunned when lee donghae sighs and stares up at the stars and begins talking a soft, unnaturally sweet voice.
"I don't know 'bout my mom, but I only had my dad when I was young. My dad was... Superman to me, you know? But he died when I was fourteen, and I got sent to an orphanage and every thing went fuckin' downhill from there."
everything inside jungshik seems to soften and start to melt.
"I could've been okay, I could've gone to school and been smart like the other kids, you know? But I didn't. I missed my dad so much, it wasn't worth trying to be anythin' when he wasn't there to be proud of me. So I hung out with the bad kids, did the wrong things, and here I am, twenty-three without a fucking high school degree and bad tattoos I wish I'd never gotten and a criminal record as long as my leg."
donghae turns his head. jungshik didn't realize before how close they were, he can see donghae's pupils even in the night air.
"I'm a fuckin' nobody, I'm fuckin' nothin'. Why's a guy like you hangin' around?"
jungshik shakes his head. "You're not- you're not nothing. You're... a lot of things." there's so much more he can say but it only sounds sappy and idiotic and creepy even in his mind, so he turns his head away and presses his lips close together. it's funny that yes, a person like donghae, could make him feel inadequate. jungshik feels a hand on his neck.
he turns his head and donghae's mouth is slow and sweet on his and his hands come up to clench in donghae's shirt and donghae's hands falls on his arm and jungshik feels like his heart is breaking, it's so perfect.
---
"Are you smiling more than usual? That's kind of creepy." hyukjae stares at jungshik as he slides into his desk. daniel looks up for a second and looks back at his computer with a little grunt.
"Yep, I am." jungshik laughs and sits back in his chair, throws his legs onto his desk and grins at he ceiling. "And I'm going to keep on being this happy too."
---
"Is this a fuckin' date?" donghae stares at the tickets jungshik holds out to him.
"No." jungshik takes in donghae's raised eyebrow. "Okay, maybe. But I wasn't going to say anything. I was just going to call it two friends going out to see a movie together."
donghae rolls his eyes. "If it's a date, then shouldn't you be pickin' me up at my place, not tellin' me when I get to your place?"
jungshik shrugs. "Maybe. But I'm not a criminal like you and haven't gone through your personal records to find out where you live." he gives donghae a pointed look, a grin.
donghae scoffs. "Good, I don't want you at my place. It's a fuckin' trash dump, filthy." he takes the tickets jungshik is still holding out and turns and starts down the stairs without a look back. "Hurry up, you've gotta buy the fuckin' popcorn."
---
"I was always happy as a kid." the words falling from jungshik's mouth doesn't surprise him, but donghae looks up from the tv with his mouth just a little open.
jungshik's couch is just a little too small for donghae's almost-lanky body, the apartment is cool except for where jungshik and donghae touch at their thighs, their hips, their shoulders, as they sit side by side and watch a horror movie.
"I had loving parents, a sweet older sister. Our family was always happy. When I grew up, I realized that people aren't always as happy as they seem to be. I realized that my mom's laughter covered up the depression she was going through. My dad's smiles were hiding the guilt of an affair. My sister's grins and chuckles hid her drugs. I realized... freshman year of high school, that people can be easily fooled if you laugh."
jungshik's never told this story before. he doesn't think donghae's ever told anyone about his father before either.
"It seemed almost... an inheritance to me, to be like my family, to smile and laugh and hold everything in tight. I've done it so long now... sometimes I believe myself."
donghae presses his shoulder into jungshik's and touches his hand lightly. "Fuckin' retard. I did a lot of fuckin' things, but I never lied to myself, that's for sure. Maybe I'm better off than you. At least I know my own self."
"Maybe."
jungshik closes his hand around donghae's fingers and they turn back to the tv screen.
---
"Jungshik."
daniel's voice calls out to him and jungshik looks up from another report of another murder. daniel's face is unusually tense.
"What's up? Is something wrong with Hyu-" jungshik's mind makes the most obvious leap, but daniel's short shake of the head cuts him off.
"No, it's not Hyukjae, he's fine, playing hooky. It's that kid, Lee Donghae."
jungshik feels his heart leap into his throat. "Is he-"
daniel cuts him off again. "He's not dead and he's not hurt." jungshik sighs in relief, but his mind makes another leap.
he looks back down at his papers. "What did he- What's he in for this time?"
"Nothing too crazy, grand theft auto. But with his record... He's looking at about five years. He's lucky the car wasn't damaged."
jungshik feels his heart settle back into place. he never- he never fooled himself into thinking that lee donghae was an angel. he knew that when donghae wasn't with him, he was doing things that were probably not legal. there's something almost- he wasn't waiting for this to happen either, but now that it's happened, it seems too unavoidable. he's not devastated because- because he's not.
"What did the kid do, actually?"
daniel snorts and sits against the edge of jungshik's desk. "Hopped into some dude's car while he stepped out for a second to take off a flier from his windshield and took off. Led the police almost halfway to the next city before stopping and just... surrendering." daniel shakes his head. "I think he might be really messed up though, jungshik. Heard he laughed the entire way to jail."
jungshik can picture it, can imagine lee donghae grinning as he slides down the streets, can imagine that short sarcastic laugh of his as he's being led away. it suits him, in a way. he sighs softly. "Guess I better go visit him."
"You're an idiot."
donghae's face is slightly blurred in the glass, but the smile on his lips is wide and genuine and clear. "I'm not. You're the fuckin' idiot to be visiting me every fuckin’ week. Aren't you tired of me yet?"
jungshik shakes his head, grins. "Nope. Should be though, you're such a pain in my ass."
donghae shakes his head. "You're not allowed to complain. I didn't tell you to come up here all the time for fuckin' two years, did I?"
"Will you just shut up and be sweet for a little while? I've gotta leave in three minutes." jungshik rolls his eyes.
donghae looks as if he wants to argue, but his face softens and he taps his fingers against the glass separating them. "What do I get for bein’ nice?" his voice is soft and coy and jungshik thinks that is too weird to hear on a daily basis.
"Nothing right now. Maybe I'll take you out to eat when you get out."
the words make donghae grin. "Only two more weeks, you know. This good behavior crap is pretty amazin'. I should’ve tried it sooner... But then again, I didn't really have anyone waitin' for me to come out." his voice drops near the end of his words, his voice is soft in a way that isn't weird, but is just donghae being truthful. jungshik's learned that donghae is always thoughtful, donghae doesn't lie or make up stories or pretend. when he's not cussing, he’s open and genuine and almost naturally sweet. it reminds jungshik that there's a lot of child in donghae that hasn't been able to come out until now.
jungshik smiles back, and he's happy to realize that his own smile is also real. "I've got lots of food at the apartment. I've been stocking up."
donghae laughs. "Dirty old fucker. You just wanna lock me up in your place and do dirty shit with me."
jungshik shrugs. "Yeah, that too."
the guard on jungshik's side of the wall shoots him a look and a glance up at the clock and a voice on donghae's side of the wall calls out. "Time up, Inmate 110605."
donghae rolls his eyes. he gives jungshik a last crooked grin. "See you next week?"
jungshik nods and returns the grin. "Promise."
note: i'm really really really proud of this one. like, i really love it, even if it's mine. :D i really really really hope everyone loves it too.
r - haetukz au
summary: kim jungshik has never let the city bring him down, but lee donghae has done everything in his power to let himself be pulled down. [same verse as in peace, closing.]
lee donghae is a slender boy with slender muscles and a chip on his shoulders.
jungshik wonders for a second what could've possibly happened to the boy to make his face so drawn and angry, but then he remembers. they live in the city, and everyone in the city sooner or later has the same face. jungshik himself is one of those rare people who flaunts his laughter in the street when everyone is quiet, strolls down the street as slow as he can while people push and shove against him. it's his way of not going crazy.
he almost doesn't know what to do with lee donghae though.
lee donghae is twenty-three and being accused of attempted armed robbery. the way his fingers twitch at his sides makes jungshik think that it probably wasn't quite so attempted.
jungshik wants to save him.
"So, Donghae." jungshik pauses, smiles. "You know this isn't exactly going your way, right?" he taps a finger against the open file on this desk. lee donghae has been in and out of juvie since he was fifteen, in and out of prison since eighteen. his file is almost an index of every possible petty crime there is.
donghae's face is expressionless as he slumps back against the chair, long legs stretched as he rests his feet on top of jungshik's desk. "Yep."
"All the evidence is really not in your favor. You're probably going to go to jail." jungshik keeps his smile.
"Probably." donghae's voice is a drawl, he's got an accent that twists his words into almost another language. "You gonna arrest me or not?"
jungshik's smile doesn't die. "I'd really rather not. You seem like an okay kid."
donghae finally looks at him, and at first, his expression is incredulous. he looks jungshik up and down, then his mouth twists into a leer. "You wanna fuck me? Wanna pound my ass?"
there's a clatter and a crash and jungshik looks up to find hyukjae in the middle of a mess, face red. "Uhmm, yeah, sorry, just ignore me." hyukjae's face matches his hair, dyed red again because daniel has unhealthy obsessions with weird things like hyukjae’s hair color, and the white chair with the white pillows he bought just for hyukjae to sit in.
jungshik listens to hyukjae, turns back to donghae, but donghae is watching hyukjae with something close to awe in his eyes. jungshik bites his tongue, leans in close, whispers. "You wanna fuck him? Wanna pound his ass?"
donghae jerks back and his face is immediately angry, but he can't hide the way he blushes. jungshik laughs and laughs and hyukjae sends him confused glances and donghae glares some more.
---
"Stop followin' me, will you?" donghae huffs and strides faster down the hallway of the courthouse.
jungshik wonders how the boy can walk so fast wearing his wannabe combat boots with the laces undone and the sides flapping. he can barely keep up in his sneakers. "I'm not following you, I just happen to be going in the same direction as you."
donghae glares at him over his shoulder. "Fuckin' dirty old fag."
jungshik laughs. "That's me. Hey, you wanna go out to dinner? To celebrate you not going to jail for a crime you committed?"
donghae whirls around and his eyes are narrowed. "I didn't ask you to get me off, okay? I was perfectly fine goin' to jail. I didn't make you lie to that judge and those people. I don't owe you anythin’, and I'm not a fag, so if you're lookin' for me to be so grateful I let you fuck me, I swear I'll fuckin' kill you the first time you touch me."
inside, jungshik is taken back. he's heard worse then donghae's little rant, but from bigger, uglier guys. donghae has a mouth like one of bottecelli angels, and it's almost dirty in a sexual kind of way. jungshik covers everything up with a smile. "I'm not looking for anything, thanks. Just heading out to dinner, and wondering if you wanted to come along. I hate eating alone, you see, and my best friend's too caught up in his own life to eat with me anymore." jungshik wasn't trying to let his slight bitterness show, but it comes out regardless. jungshik hates letting people see when he isn't happy. he needs people to see only him being happy.
donghae sizes him up, as he seems to do every time he looks at jungshik, and there's a long silence before he shrugs. "Whatever, as long as you don't try anythin' funny. And you're payin'." he turns and starts up his military march again and jungshik is smiles again and he follows quickly after.
---
lee donghae eats like hyukjae.
jungshik is only slightly stunned watching the boy stuff down three hamburgers, four large fries, a milkshake and a slice of chocolate pie. donghae eats with both hands, keeps touching at the edges of the containers as if he's afraid someone will come and steal his food, and jungshik knows that it's probably happened more than once.
"You can slow down, you know. I'm not going to touch your food." he pokes at his own cheeseburger and grins.
donghae looks up at him, back down to his food, then sets down the packet of fries he's holding in his left hand and the endless intake of food into his mouth slows down into discernible bites and chews. he hasn't spoken a word since the courthouse. jungshik's heard about the one step forward, two steps back method, but this is the first time he's really seen it in action, and goddamn, it's an annoying thing. he wants to take donghae by the shoulders and shake him and touch his hair and kiss him and-
lee donghae might just be a mindreader on top of everything else. "Why're you starin' at me like that, like you're gonna eat me?" he makes a face and pushes away from his food and there's sudden anger on his face. "I told you, I'm not gonna-"
"Just shut up and eat, will you?" jungshik rolls his eyes and pushes donghae's food at him. "Have I touched you? Said anything inappropriate? No, so stop being so paranoid and eat."
donghae only stares for minutes, his eyes quick over jungshik's face, but he finally relaxes and starts eating again. jungshik almost doesn't catch it when he speaks quietly under his breath. "Being paranoid can save your life..."
one step forward, two steps back.
---
jungshik thinks about lee donghae and lee donghae's attitude and lee donghae's wide mouth when he should be looking over crime scene photos and pulling up a list of people to interview.
"Someone's really got you whipped." daniel slides behind his desk across the room from jungshik and grins very very faintly. "You've been starting and stopping all day."
jungshik grins. "Yeah, I know."
"Who?"
jungshik shakes his head and tries again to concentrate. "Someone rude and dirty and underfed and almost beautiful for it."
daniel snorts. "Don't go trying to save every lost soul you come across. You'll only end up the loser."
"I know."
---
"Yo."
jungshik turns without thinking, one hand on the handle of his car door, another slipping automatically to rest against his gun holder, and lee donghae walks out from the shadows of the parking lot with both hands in the air.
"After being such a goody-two-shoes, you're gonna shoot me?" donghae is grinning, the corners of his mouth twisted up into something exaggerated and cynical.
jungshik relaxes and leans against his car. "Depends on what you're doing here. People like you tend to avoid a police station."
donghae lowers his hands and looks to the ground. "Yeah, people like me..."
jungshik wishes he could take back his words, but he can't, so he stores the regret inside like everything else in his life, and smiles. "Anyways, what are you doing here?"
lee donghae looks up with something very close to sheepishness in his eyes. "Hungry."
jungshik knows he's a fool because lee donghae only wants him for food, but he can't help but imagine it's something more than his bank card that has lee donghae coming back. he admits he's a fool. "Okay. Me too, let's go eat."
---
"i saw jungshik in the parking lot with this boy that looks like trouble. you don't think he's-" hyukjae's eyes are wide.
daniel can't believe that hyukjae can still be so innocent and naive and surprised. "i don't think anything. jungshik can take care of himself. you, on the other hand, are a different matter."
hyukjae huffs and rolls his eyes but lets himself be pulled into daniel's arms.
---
"Why are you so smiley all the time? It's kinda fuckin' creepy." lee donghae is back in jungshik's office, his feet back on jungshik's desk, but this time he isn't handcuffed and awaiting a trial date.
jungshik shrugs and pretends that he's really absorbed in his paperwork, when really he's wondering how donghae can look so dirty and filthy but smell like heaven. "I'm just a normally happy person."
donghae snorts. "I think that's bullshit. I think it's just somethin' you do 'cause you don't want people to see what you're really thinkin'. I bet you've got tons of repressed anger." jungshik blinks and donghae is suddenly leaning over his desk, his mouth inches from jungshik's, his eyes calm and laughing. "I bet you're so close to just exploding." his breath ghosts over jungshik's cheek and jungshik swallows because donghae is so close (in more ways than one) and he doesn't want to give away what he really thinks about donghae. it takes all his strength to pull away and look down.
"You'd make a pretty good psychiatrist, it's cute." he laughs softly.
donghae doesn't answer but jungshik doesn't look up and its five minutes passed when he finally does, and he's alone in his office.
---
"Let's go eat, my treat."
jungshik stares at lee donghae standing in the doorway of his apartment, grinning and wearing clean normal blue jeans and a long-sleeved black sweater and his flopping army boots. "How did you get here?"
donghae's grin only gets wider and it's scary, jungshik thinks, because donghae doesn't really grin, he smirks. "Criminal, remember? Don't get soft and start thinkin' I’m a good person."
jungshik has to laugh. "I won't... Food, again?"
donghae nods. "Yeah, my treat this time too."
"What's the catch?" jungshik is already stepping back inside and trying to find his jacket and his shoes. donghae closes the door softly behind him as he follows him in. jungshik has one arm in his jacket, one foot in a sneaker, when a cool hand touches his face. he looks up and donghae's looking down at him, utterly confused.
"Why are you always so ready to drop everything and do what I want?"
jungshik shakes his head, looks down to slip his foot into his other shoe. "I don't know."
donghae laughs. "Yes you do, you just don't wanna tell me. It's okay though, I'll get it outta you." it sounds like a warning and a promise at the same time and jungshik can't stop smiling at they walk down to the diner, again.
---
"I grew up in an orphanage, just like every other fuckin' hood rat in this city."
jungshik can't get over the fact that he's laying on the hood of his car in the middle of the night by the river and that lee donghae is sitting beside him. he's even more stunned when lee donghae sighs and stares up at the stars and begins talking a soft, unnaturally sweet voice.
"I don't know 'bout my mom, but I only had my dad when I was young. My dad was... Superman to me, you know? But he died when I was fourteen, and I got sent to an orphanage and every thing went fuckin' downhill from there."
everything inside jungshik seems to soften and start to melt.
"I could've been okay, I could've gone to school and been smart like the other kids, you know? But I didn't. I missed my dad so much, it wasn't worth trying to be anythin' when he wasn't there to be proud of me. So I hung out with the bad kids, did the wrong things, and here I am, twenty-three without a fucking high school degree and bad tattoos I wish I'd never gotten and a criminal record as long as my leg."
donghae turns his head. jungshik didn't realize before how close they were, he can see donghae's pupils even in the night air.
"I'm a fuckin' nobody, I'm fuckin' nothin'. Why's a guy like you hangin' around?"
jungshik shakes his head. "You're not- you're not nothing. You're... a lot of things." there's so much more he can say but it only sounds sappy and idiotic and creepy even in his mind, so he turns his head away and presses his lips close together. it's funny that yes, a person like donghae, could make him feel inadequate. jungshik feels a hand on his neck.
he turns his head and donghae's mouth is slow and sweet on his and his hands come up to clench in donghae's shirt and donghae's hands falls on his arm and jungshik feels like his heart is breaking, it's so perfect.
---
"Are you smiling more than usual? That's kind of creepy." hyukjae stares at jungshik as he slides into his desk. daniel looks up for a second and looks back at his computer with a little grunt.
"Yep, I am." jungshik laughs and sits back in his chair, throws his legs onto his desk and grins at he ceiling. "And I'm going to keep on being this happy too."
---
"Is this a fuckin' date?" donghae stares at the tickets jungshik holds out to him.
"No." jungshik takes in donghae's raised eyebrow. "Okay, maybe. But I wasn't going to say anything. I was just going to call it two friends going out to see a movie together."
donghae rolls his eyes. "If it's a date, then shouldn't you be pickin' me up at my place, not tellin' me when I get to your place?"
jungshik shrugs. "Maybe. But I'm not a criminal like you and haven't gone through your personal records to find out where you live." he gives donghae a pointed look, a grin.
donghae scoffs. "Good, I don't want you at my place. It's a fuckin' trash dump, filthy." he takes the tickets jungshik is still holding out and turns and starts down the stairs without a look back. "Hurry up, you've gotta buy the fuckin' popcorn."
---
"I was always happy as a kid." the words falling from jungshik's mouth doesn't surprise him, but donghae looks up from the tv with his mouth just a little open.
jungshik's couch is just a little too small for donghae's almost-lanky body, the apartment is cool except for where jungshik and donghae touch at their thighs, their hips, their shoulders, as they sit side by side and watch a horror movie.
"I had loving parents, a sweet older sister. Our family was always happy. When I grew up, I realized that people aren't always as happy as they seem to be. I realized that my mom's laughter covered up the depression she was going through. My dad's smiles were hiding the guilt of an affair. My sister's grins and chuckles hid her drugs. I realized... freshman year of high school, that people can be easily fooled if you laugh."
jungshik's never told this story before. he doesn't think donghae's ever told anyone about his father before either.
"It seemed almost... an inheritance to me, to be like my family, to smile and laugh and hold everything in tight. I've done it so long now... sometimes I believe myself."
donghae presses his shoulder into jungshik's and touches his hand lightly. "Fuckin' retard. I did a lot of fuckin' things, but I never lied to myself, that's for sure. Maybe I'm better off than you. At least I know my own self."
"Maybe."
jungshik closes his hand around donghae's fingers and they turn back to the tv screen.
---
"Jungshik."
daniel's voice calls out to him and jungshik looks up from another report of another murder. daniel's face is unusually tense.
"What's up? Is something wrong with Hyu-" jungshik's mind makes the most obvious leap, but daniel's short shake of the head cuts him off.
"No, it's not Hyukjae, he's fine, playing hooky. It's that kid, Lee Donghae."
jungshik feels his heart leap into his throat. "Is he-"
daniel cuts him off again. "He's not dead and he's not hurt." jungshik sighs in relief, but his mind makes another leap.
he looks back down at his papers. "What did he- What's he in for this time?"
"Nothing too crazy, grand theft auto. But with his record... He's looking at about five years. He's lucky the car wasn't damaged."
jungshik feels his heart settle back into place. he never- he never fooled himself into thinking that lee donghae was an angel. he knew that when donghae wasn't with him, he was doing things that were probably not legal. there's something almost- he wasn't waiting for this to happen either, but now that it's happened, it seems too unavoidable. he's not devastated because- because he's not.
"What did the kid do, actually?"
daniel snorts and sits against the edge of jungshik's desk. "Hopped into some dude's car while he stepped out for a second to take off a flier from his windshield and took off. Led the police almost halfway to the next city before stopping and just... surrendering." daniel shakes his head. "I think he might be really messed up though, jungshik. Heard he laughed the entire way to jail."
jungshik can picture it, can imagine lee donghae grinning as he slides down the streets, can imagine that short sarcastic laugh of his as he's being led away. it suits him, in a way. he sighs softly. "Guess I better go visit him."
"You're an idiot."
donghae's face is slightly blurred in the glass, but the smile on his lips is wide and genuine and clear. "I'm not. You're the fuckin' idiot to be visiting me every fuckin’ week. Aren't you tired of me yet?"
jungshik shakes his head, grins. "Nope. Should be though, you're such a pain in my ass."
donghae shakes his head. "You're not allowed to complain. I didn't tell you to come up here all the time for fuckin' two years, did I?"
"Will you just shut up and be sweet for a little while? I've gotta leave in three minutes." jungshik rolls his eyes.
donghae looks as if he wants to argue, but his face softens and he taps his fingers against the glass separating them. "What do I get for bein’ nice?" his voice is soft and coy and jungshik thinks that is too weird to hear on a daily basis.
"Nothing right now. Maybe I'll take you out to eat when you get out."
the words make donghae grin. "Only two more weeks, you know. This good behavior crap is pretty amazin'. I should’ve tried it sooner... But then again, I didn't really have anyone waitin' for me to come out." his voice drops near the end of his words, his voice is soft in a way that isn't weird, but is just donghae being truthful. jungshik's learned that donghae is always thoughtful, donghae doesn't lie or make up stories or pretend. when he's not cussing, he’s open and genuine and almost naturally sweet. it reminds jungshik that there's a lot of child in donghae that hasn't been able to come out until now.
jungshik smiles back, and he's happy to realize that his own smile is also real. "I've got lots of food at the apartment. I've been stocking up."
donghae laughs. "Dirty old fucker. You just wanna lock me up in your place and do dirty shit with me."
jungshik shrugs. "Yeah, that too."
the guard on jungshik's side of the wall shoots him a look and a glance up at the clock and a voice on donghae's side of the wall calls out. "Time up, Inmate 110605."
donghae rolls his eyes. he gives jungshik a last crooked grin. "See you next week?"
jungshik nods and returns the grin. "Promise."
note: i'm really really really proud of this one. like, i really love it, even if it's mine. :D i really really really hope everyone loves it too.