[fic] i'll spread my wings (i already knew how to fly).
i'll spread my wings (i already knew how to fly).
pg - heechul / hanchul / sihanchul
summary: kim heechul knows that he's meant to be a star. [happy birthday, heenim~]
you come to seoul because you know you can do better. you know you can fly high and score big, you just need a push.
you have the looks (but maybe not so much the personality) to be a star.
you go into the audition with your head held high, with the confidence that you'll make it.
a few years later and you get to sing and dance (though you could live without that) and talk and talk and talk and the money doesn't exactly pour in but it's definitely not crawling. you're living a good life with twelve (and sometimes fourteen) other boys who annoy the crap out of you sometimes, but give you strength constantly, when you're not fighting for the bathroom and aruging over the last bowl of rice and who gets to get their makeup done first.
it's not perfect, not like you'd imagined it, but it's perfect enough.
it gets a little more perfect underneath a november twilight when hankyung bites his bottom lip and tells you stammering, eyes to the ground, that he loves you. you laugh at him because it's what you do, but when you pull him to you with a hand wrapped around his wrist, you're telling him that he's the best thing you've ever caught.
television is a bit like stripping, you think. flash a little skin, a little soul, then cover it up again until they're going crazy trying to figure out why you're smiling, why you're laughing. they never guess it's the boy beside you, who pretends he has no idea what's going on and smiles the soft lost smile he's perfected over the years.
the people like you best blunt and all-knowing, the people like him best clueless and soft-hearted.
(they never know about the times when you're silent and confused on your bed, looking out the window and wandering what do i do now and they never know about the times hankyung takes your hand and tells you he knows exactly what's going on and tell me because i deserve to know.)
you've always wanted a little more then you could get though, and when hankyung catches you eyeing siwon for the hundreth time just that day, he only laughs and kisses your cheek.
you've always had a soft spot for sweet guys, but siwon is a class all his own. while hankyung's sweetnees has hidden thorns, siwon is all marshmellows and cotton fluff. the body girls drool over is just a really nice looking shield for his heart, which is just as open and caring as he shows to the world. siwon doesn't know deceit and conning, and his earnestness makes you smile.
and one day hankyung and siwon leave you behind. you kiss hankyung like he's oxygen before he walks out of the door, and hug siwon just a little tighter then you usually do. you watch them sing and dance in china and hold hands hold shoulders hold waists, free and open in a different way. you watch all their shows laughing, eyes glued to the places where they touch together, and the phone calls from them in the middle of the night before they fall asleep keep the ache of missing them to a dull throb you can manage.
you get caught up into shows and musicals and thinking up all the different ways you can change your hair that'll make the girls scream.
they gossip about your clothes and about your face and you're honest enough to admit that you love it when they talk about you because it means they're thinking about you wanting you never getting you. you're not as shallow as they make you out to be, but you have a sense of humor, and it's fun to laugh and string them along because you can. they fall for every word you say and you like to push it as far as you can.
it feels like it's only been days instead of months when the boys come back home.
hankyung stands a little taller and siwon talks a little louder. (henry cries a little more in the middle of the night and zhoumi sings a little louder in korean. you hold their hands and smile and tell them that they should strip onstage and maybe that'll make the fans like them more. when they laugh you laugh and let go.)
siwon sits you down at the kitchen table one afternoon and all the boys scramble away because oh, siwon has his serious face on, run away before he makes you talk about your feelings!
"hyung," he starts. you raise an eyebrow at him. "hyung. i-" he cuts himself off and looks away and you laugh and laugh and laugh before you lunge over the table and kiss him until the flush on his cheeks isn't from embarrasment.
you bring siwon into your bedroom that night and hankyung doesn't even look up from his book, sprawled across your bed on his stomach in a pair of your jeans with the zipper and button undone. "don't forget to lock the door, you're always loud when you get new toys."
you sit siwon on the bed next to hankyung, and you're only just a little surprised when siwon reaches out to rub hankyung's thigh. you catch the smile hankyung hides with his book.
"it's not really new when you've already had it, is it?"
hankyung gives up pretending that he's otherwise occupied and lets siwon push him over onto his back. you're expecting instant ravishing but siwon only moves to use hankyung's chest as a pillow. figures. "it's new for you." hankyung catches your eyes and stares without blinking, sending messages that you're still learning to read. "for you," he says again and you pretend that you didn't blush, didn't sigh a little, didn't feel like you could cry.
your leg still hurts when it rains and when you run and when you stand for too long. you consider it a battle wound, a sacrifice for the better good of the people who pay your check.
you never wish you'd done things differently though. you hate the hours and most of the people you meet are idiots and you can't quite hide the exhaustion during interviews anymore, but it's worth it because you did it. you knew that you were meant for shooting stars and comets.
it's perfect only because you made it happen when you decided for yourself that you'd live the life you deserved to live.
(and for that you'll forgive the hours that you hate and the people that you meet and the fans that scream a little too loud.)
note: okay, so. i have to write my "happy birthday though you'll never see this" message. kim heechul- i love you. you're such a divabitch and you know you're hot and you like to drive the fangirls insane because you know you can. when you got into that accident, it was the first time i'd cried over a celebrity. i blame all this madness on you, so you have to take responsibility for all the fangirling and spending money when i don't have any to spend. thanks for making me smile so much in the last two years. happy birthday rella! <3
pg - heechul / hanchul / sihanchul
summary: kim heechul knows that he's meant to be a star. [happy birthday, heenim~]
you come to seoul because you know you can do better. you know you can fly high and score big, you just need a push.
you have the looks (but maybe not so much the personality) to be a star.
you go into the audition with your head held high, with the confidence that you'll make it.
a few years later and you get to sing and dance (though you could live without that) and talk and talk and talk and the money doesn't exactly pour in but it's definitely not crawling. you're living a good life with twelve (and sometimes fourteen) other boys who annoy the crap out of you sometimes, but give you strength constantly, when you're not fighting for the bathroom and aruging over the last bowl of rice and who gets to get their makeup done first.
it's not perfect, not like you'd imagined it, but it's perfect enough.
it gets a little more perfect underneath a november twilight when hankyung bites his bottom lip and tells you stammering, eyes to the ground, that he loves you. you laugh at him because it's what you do, but when you pull him to you with a hand wrapped around his wrist, you're telling him that he's the best thing you've ever caught.
television is a bit like stripping, you think. flash a little skin, a little soul, then cover it up again until they're going crazy trying to figure out why you're smiling, why you're laughing. they never guess it's the boy beside you, who pretends he has no idea what's going on and smiles the soft lost smile he's perfected over the years.
the people like you best blunt and all-knowing, the people like him best clueless and soft-hearted.
(they never know about the times when you're silent and confused on your bed, looking out the window and wandering what do i do now and they never know about the times hankyung takes your hand and tells you he knows exactly what's going on and tell me because i deserve to know.)
you've always wanted a little more then you could get though, and when hankyung catches you eyeing siwon for the hundreth time just that day, he only laughs and kisses your cheek.
you've always had a soft spot for sweet guys, but siwon is a class all his own. while hankyung's sweetnees has hidden thorns, siwon is all marshmellows and cotton fluff. the body girls drool over is just a really nice looking shield for his heart, which is just as open and caring as he shows to the world. siwon doesn't know deceit and conning, and his earnestness makes you smile.
and one day hankyung and siwon leave you behind. you kiss hankyung like he's oxygen before he walks out of the door, and hug siwon just a little tighter then you usually do. you watch them sing and dance in china and hold hands hold shoulders hold waists, free and open in a different way. you watch all their shows laughing, eyes glued to the places where they touch together, and the phone calls from them in the middle of the night before they fall asleep keep the ache of missing them to a dull throb you can manage.
you get caught up into shows and musicals and thinking up all the different ways you can change your hair that'll make the girls scream.
they gossip about your clothes and about your face and you're honest enough to admit that you love it when they talk about you because it means they're thinking about you wanting you never getting you. you're not as shallow as they make you out to be, but you have a sense of humor, and it's fun to laugh and string them along because you can. they fall for every word you say and you like to push it as far as you can.
it feels like it's only been days instead of months when the boys come back home.
hankyung stands a little taller and siwon talks a little louder. (henry cries a little more in the middle of the night and zhoumi sings a little louder in korean. you hold their hands and smile and tell them that they should strip onstage and maybe that'll make the fans like them more. when they laugh you laugh and let go.)
siwon sits you down at the kitchen table one afternoon and all the boys scramble away because oh, siwon has his serious face on, run away before he makes you talk about your feelings!
"hyung," he starts. you raise an eyebrow at him. "hyung. i-" he cuts himself off and looks away and you laugh and laugh and laugh before you lunge over the table and kiss him until the flush on his cheeks isn't from embarrasment.
you bring siwon into your bedroom that night and hankyung doesn't even look up from his book, sprawled across your bed on his stomach in a pair of your jeans with the zipper and button undone. "don't forget to lock the door, you're always loud when you get new toys."
you sit siwon on the bed next to hankyung, and you're only just a little surprised when siwon reaches out to rub hankyung's thigh. you catch the smile hankyung hides with his book.
"it's not really new when you've already had it, is it?"
hankyung gives up pretending that he's otherwise occupied and lets siwon push him over onto his back. you're expecting instant ravishing but siwon only moves to use hankyung's chest as a pillow. figures. "it's new for you." hankyung catches your eyes and stares without blinking, sending messages that you're still learning to read. "for you," he says again and you pretend that you didn't blush, didn't sigh a little, didn't feel like you could cry.
your leg still hurts when it rains and when you run and when you stand for too long. you consider it a battle wound, a sacrifice for the better good of the people who pay your check.
you never wish you'd done things differently though. you hate the hours and most of the people you meet are idiots and you can't quite hide the exhaustion during interviews anymore, but it's worth it because you did it. you knew that you were meant for shooting stars and comets.
it's perfect only because you made it happen when you decided for yourself that you'd live the life you deserved to live.
(and for that you'll forgive the hours that you hate and the people that you meet and the fans that scream a little too loud.)
note: okay, so. i have to write my "happy birthday though you'll never see this" message. kim heechul- i love you. you're such a divabitch and you know you're hot and you like to drive the fangirls insane because you know you can. when you got into that accident, it was the first time i'd cried over a celebrity. i blame all this madness on you, so you have to take responsibility for all the fangirling and spending money when i don't have any to spend. thanks for making me smile so much in the last two years. happy birthday rella! <3