[fic] we just weren't meant to know (i was meant to be with you) [award winner]
we just weren't meant to know (i was meant to be with you)
r - kyuhyun/yoochun [yesung/yoochun, kyuhyun/zhoumi]
summary: When you don't think to fall in love until it's over, when you realize too late that your story was supposed to end a different way. Yoochun turns from the window and gives him a smile that Kyuhyun realizes is the one he should've fallen in love with. "I love you."
[my first award ever. :D]
1. Kyuhyun gets caught only minutes after the recording is over and everyone is calling out "good job!" and "thanks for coming" and "see you soon!" He's pushed up against the glass of a closed recording booth and Yoochun's eyes are wide and dark and soft and filled with things Kyuhyun all of a sudden wants to feel on this skin.
Yoochun's voice slips slow and deep, warm melted honey as he whispers his mouth against Kyuhyun's collarbone in words that might be English, he doesn't know, doesn't care. Kyuhyun thinks that now he knows why Yesung talks about Yoochun as if he was the center of the universe; the image of Yesung and Yoochun doing something like this together makes him gasp aloud.
Yoochun chuckles, presses his fingers into the curve of Kyuhyun's waist. "Pretty baby..." he laughs and fits his mouth over Kyuhyun's and god, he think he could come just like this, with Yoochun wrapped close around him and watching him with laughter in this eyes.
He reaches the dorm long after the others have already arrived and he finds Yesung in the living room just about to doze off with the ending credits of some show playing low in the background.
"Kyuhyun?" Yesung rubs his eyes and blinks and looks up and stills. Kyuhyun rubs a hand over his mouth as if Yesung can see what's been spilled on it only minutes ago. "Just getting back? Ryeowook was starting to worry." He stands and stretches and turns off the television and the living room turns black with only the white of the streetlight coming through the kitchen window giving Kyuhyun a sense of direction.
A hand touches his, wraps around his wrist. "Yoochun's great, isn't he?" And Yesung is laughing softly and disappearing into his bedroom.
Kyuhyun lets out a whispered laugh.
2. There's noise and chaos and laughter and Kyuhyun feels warm and content, sitting on a tiny corner of the couch beside Yoochun and Yesung and Leeteuk and Shindong. It's been a while that they've been able to just play, they only have the chance now because Yoochun and Yunho are leaving tomorrow morning.
There's bottles of soju being passed around, the lines broken once in a while with some cocktail or another Sungmin and Heechul have made up giggling in the kitchen and even though Kyuhyun knows he shouldn't, he takes a sip of everything that ends up being pushed into his hand.
Maybe that's why he feel so warm and full, like he's eaten a twelve course meal.
Kyuhyun thinks he's slowly tipping over into tipsy when a hand touches his knee and Yoochun grins down at him. It's the smile he's seen him use on unsuspecting girls when they walk past, so it's no surprise to him that his stomach does a fast dip and a slow rise back up.
"Are you drunk?" Yoochun doesn't have to whisper to be unheard underneath the others talking.
Kyuhyun shakes his head, watches Yoochun's mouth moving and thinks about the cold glass he's been pressed up against only yesterday.
"So if I try to take advantage of you, it won't be horrible and you won't send Heechul after me?" Yoochun gets steadily closer until his mouth is breathing out the air Kyuhyun is breathing in and when Kyuhyun licks his lips, his tongue brushes Yoochun's mouth.
"I'm not that mean," he answers Yoochun, and it's laughing and disconnections as they stumble into the first open room and barely remember to lock the door before they're a tumble of legs and arms and Kyuhyun muffling his cries into the curve of Yoochun's neck and Yoochun grinning and trying to make him cry out louder, louder still.
3. Yesung grins at his hickey when they drop Yunho and Yoochun off at the airport. "He really likes you."
Kyuhyun pulls up the neck of his sweater a littler higher; he doesn't need pictures of the dark purpling spot on the internet. "How do you know?"
Yesung shakes his head, laughs and walks away to the car. "He never leaves marks unless he likes you."
4. While Yoochun's in Japan and Kyuhyun's in Korea, Kyuhyun wonders about what he and Yoochun have. Is it something fun and friendly between them? Are they a thing? He thinks about Yoochun and his not-very-funny jokes and his warm thighs and his random bursts of English that doesn't sound very much like English and realizes, while he doesn't love Yoochun, he thinks he could.
But should he?
5. Yoochun comes back to Korea invisible, riding coach on the plane with only a duffel bag and riding the bus. His family wants to see him, and they're doing well enough in Japan that him disappearing for a couple of days would only fuel the talk around them.
He tells Kyuhyun the story as they're using up all the hot water in Yoochun's bathroom at his parent's house, playing the silent game as they grab at arms and legs and run tongues over skin slick and damp.
"You should disappear too, come with me to Japan."
Kyuhyun only laughs. "Why would I do that?"
There's only silent moans and quick breaths before Yoochun laughs too. "No, I guess you have no reason to..."
6. In the morning, Kyuhyun wakes up to Yoochun watching him in his sleep. "Hyung?" He thinks that maybe something might be wrong when Yoochun doesn't answer. "Hyung?"
Yoochun blinks and shakes his head as if he had been somewhere too far away and had crash landed back to Earth. "I was just wondering..."
Kyuhyun watches him without a word, rubbing at his eyes.
Yoochun watches him, shakes his head and smiles. "I was just wondering and spaced out, it's nothing."
Kyuhyun smiles because emotional breakdowns are not his forte and seeing Yoochun smile takes off the weight that's staring to form on his chest. "Okay." He reaches out to him and takes them over and under and doesn't realize anything's different until he's home and realizes that there are no hickeys.
7. ("I think that maybe we should stop fooling around. I mean, it was fun, but the chances of getting caught are too high, you know? And I don't want that for either of us."
Kyuhyun smiles into the phone. "Okay. I understand. But I get one last kiss next time I see you."
Yoochun laughs a beat too slow. "Sure.")
8. Yesung shakes his head at Kyuhyun over breakfast and Donghae and Kangin, the only others there, watch with sleepy interested eyes.
"What hyung?" Kyuhyun is feeling irritable and nervous and almost sick and he doesn't know why and he doesn't want to deal with Yesung's oddness right now.
"You're an idiot. And so is he." He stands up with his breakfast untouched and he looks so serious and solemn and sad that Kyuhyun notices Kangin gaping just a little. "You're supposed to be happy, and you both messed it up so bad." He turns and leaves and the bang of his room door slamming shut makes everyone jump.
Kyuhyun doesn't understand.
9. ("I think I like him a lot." Yoochun grins at him over a cup of coffee and a cigarette and Yesung chokes just a little on his cracker. Yoochun laughs, hits him on the back. "You can't even chew right, hyung, what am I going to do with you?"
Yesung shrugs and wipes his slightly watering eyes. He knows what Yoochun can do with him, what he wishes Yoochun would do, but he always knows what Yoochun will really do, which is to never ever understand why Yesung does the things he does. "Nothing, of course. But what're you talking about? You like him?"
Yoochun smiles a little dreamily, stirring the spoon of his coffee and Yesung thinks he looks like the romantic hero of a romantic comedy. "I do, a lot. I just- I haven't talk to him much, but he's so serious, and he knows so many things I couldn't even begin to catch up with him and his voice, god. There's just- I just like him."
Yesung feels his hear skipping beats like he's been kissed and it's cruel. He looks up at Yoochun with his heart in his eyes. "And there's no one else?"
Yoochun doesn't see, he never sees. "No one else, hyung.")
10. Kyuhyun meets Zhoumi three weeks after Yoochun has left and he falls before he realizes he's falling. The way Zhoumi smiles and the way he believes everything Heechul tells him and the way he thinks Kyuhyun is the smartest person in the world makes Kyuhyun slip into him.
Zhoumi is rough and naiive where Yoochun was smooth and experienced. He laughs when Yoochun would've only smiled, cries when Yoochun would've frowned.
When Kyuhyun realizes he's making comparisons at all, holding on Zhoumi's hand as the group gathers for a marathon of scary movies, he thinks he may have messed things up more then he knew.
He thinks of Yesung, who sits on the armchair by himself a little disconnected from everything else, and thinks of Yesung telling him "he really likes you" and feels something in his heart crumble.
11. Yoochun comes back to Korea and he calls Kyuhyun at three in the morning and Kyuhyun doesn't ask questions, just slips out of his dorm and meets Yoochun at the river.
Yoochun doesn't talk, only pulls Kyuhyun into his arms and kisses him. Kyuhyun can hear the last conversation they had playing in his head but he pushes the mute button and when Zhoumi's face comes unbidden into his mind he turns it off altogether.
It's fast and hard in the backseat of Yoochun's car, Kyuhyun with his face buried into the curve of his arm and Yoochun hard and lean against his back. The car shakes just a little and Kyuhyun cries out as Yoochun wraps a hand around him and slides.
When he can breathe, can make sense out of the noises spilling out of his mouth, he turns and blinks at Yoochun, who sits on the other side of the backseat and stares out the window. "Thought this was over."
Yoochun turns from the window and gives him a smile that Kyuhyun realizes is the one he should've fallen in love with. "I love you."
12. "Hyung." Kyuhyun slides into Yesung's room and Yesung doesn't look up from the computer. Yesung has taken to being alone in his room when before he would've played games and watched movies and made fun of the others while they were really making fun of him.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry."
Yesung looks up and his eyes are a little bloodshot. Kyuhyun doesn't think it's from tears, but from the nights he doesn't sleep, just shuffles around the dorm while Kyuhyun listens to him from his room before he falls asleep. He shakes his head. "For what?"
"For Yoochun." Kyuhyun watches the most incredible transformation, watches how Yesung shuts down and closes off, his face becoming still in a way that makes the hairs on the back of Kyuhyun's neck rise up, then his book coming up to cover his face.
"That's none of my business."
Kyuhyun leans against the bedroom door. "I'm so sorry."
Yesung is silent, before his laptop and slipping under his covers and pulling the sheets high over his head and facing the wall. "Don't be sorry for me. Be sorry for him."
13. The concert is loud. Everyone laughs and shouts and hugs and dances and sings and Kyuhyun stays close to Zhoumi backstage.
Yoochun is on stage, singing and dancing with a light in his eyes that Kyuhyun doesn't know is fake or not, never had the chance to find out, to understand, and he sighs just a little when he slings an arm over Junsu's shoulders and whispers something in his ear.
Zhoumi squeezes his hand and Kyuhyun looks up to find him smiling just like Yoochun had that last night in the car. "I can try," he whispers under the noise of backstage.
"What?"
"I can try to be him for you."
For the first time since this had started, since the whirlwind and push and pull and the falls backwards and forwards, Kyuhyun feels like crying. The smile on Zhoumi's face, the way he clings so tight to his hand, the absolute sincerity in his voice makes Kyuhyun tremble because what has he done?
"I can try very hard." Zhoumi wraps him into a hug and Kyuhyun shakes in his arms because he knows what his answer is.
14. Yoochun only whispers in Junsu's ear because he sees Kyuhyun and Zhoumi standing so fucking close to each other backstage and god, just for once, he wants to be jealous and angry, instead of accepting. Then he sees Zhoumi pulling Kyuhyun close, the way he had, and all the anger flies out of him because no matter what he does, he's never going to get Kyuhyun, is he? Kyuhyun will never fall in love with him.
r - kyuhyun/yoochun [yesung/yoochun, kyuhyun/zhoumi]
summary: When you don't think to fall in love until it's over, when you realize too late that your story was supposed to end a different way. Yoochun turns from the window and gives him a smile that Kyuhyun realizes is the one he should've fallen in love with. "I love you."
[my first award ever. :D]
1. Kyuhyun gets caught only minutes after the recording is over and everyone is calling out "good job!" and "thanks for coming" and "see you soon!" He's pushed up against the glass of a closed recording booth and Yoochun's eyes are wide and dark and soft and filled with things Kyuhyun all of a sudden wants to feel on this skin.
Yoochun's voice slips slow and deep, warm melted honey as he whispers his mouth against Kyuhyun's collarbone in words that might be English, he doesn't know, doesn't care. Kyuhyun thinks that now he knows why Yesung talks about Yoochun as if he was the center of the universe; the image of Yesung and Yoochun doing something like this together makes him gasp aloud.
Yoochun chuckles, presses his fingers into the curve of Kyuhyun's waist. "Pretty baby..." he laughs and fits his mouth over Kyuhyun's and god, he think he could come just like this, with Yoochun wrapped close around him and watching him with laughter in this eyes.
He reaches the dorm long after the others have already arrived and he finds Yesung in the living room just about to doze off with the ending credits of some show playing low in the background.
"Kyuhyun?" Yesung rubs his eyes and blinks and looks up and stills. Kyuhyun rubs a hand over his mouth as if Yesung can see what's been spilled on it only minutes ago. "Just getting back? Ryeowook was starting to worry." He stands and stretches and turns off the television and the living room turns black with only the white of the streetlight coming through the kitchen window giving Kyuhyun a sense of direction.
A hand touches his, wraps around his wrist. "Yoochun's great, isn't he?" And Yesung is laughing softly and disappearing into his bedroom.
Kyuhyun lets out a whispered laugh.
2. There's noise and chaos and laughter and Kyuhyun feels warm and content, sitting on a tiny corner of the couch beside Yoochun and Yesung and Leeteuk and Shindong. It's been a while that they've been able to just play, they only have the chance now because Yoochun and Yunho are leaving tomorrow morning.
There's bottles of soju being passed around, the lines broken once in a while with some cocktail or another Sungmin and Heechul have made up giggling in the kitchen and even though Kyuhyun knows he shouldn't, he takes a sip of everything that ends up being pushed into his hand.
Maybe that's why he feel so warm and full, like he's eaten a twelve course meal.
Kyuhyun thinks he's slowly tipping over into tipsy when a hand touches his knee and Yoochun grins down at him. It's the smile he's seen him use on unsuspecting girls when they walk past, so it's no surprise to him that his stomach does a fast dip and a slow rise back up.
"Are you drunk?" Yoochun doesn't have to whisper to be unheard underneath the others talking.
Kyuhyun shakes his head, watches Yoochun's mouth moving and thinks about the cold glass he's been pressed up against only yesterday.
"So if I try to take advantage of you, it won't be horrible and you won't send Heechul after me?" Yoochun gets steadily closer until his mouth is breathing out the air Kyuhyun is breathing in and when Kyuhyun licks his lips, his tongue brushes Yoochun's mouth.
"I'm not that mean," he answers Yoochun, and it's laughing and disconnections as they stumble into the first open room and barely remember to lock the door before they're a tumble of legs and arms and Kyuhyun muffling his cries into the curve of Yoochun's neck and Yoochun grinning and trying to make him cry out louder, louder still.
3. Yesung grins at his hickey when they drop Yunho and Yoochun off at the airport. "He really likes you."
Kyuhyun pulls up the neck of his sweater a littler higher; he doesn't need pictures of the dark purpling spot on the internet. "How do you know?"
Yesung shakes his head, laughs and walks away to the car. "He never leaves marks unless he likes you."
4. While Yoochun's in Japan and Kyuhyun's in Korea, Kyuhyun wonders about what he and Yoochun have. Is it something fun and friendly between them? Are they a thing? He thinks about Yoochun and his not-very-funny jokes and his warm thighs and his random bursts of English that doesn't sound very much like English and realizes, while he doesn't love Yoochun, he thinks he could.
But should he?
5. Yoochun comes back to Korea invisible, riding coach on the plane with only a duffel bag and riding the bus. His family wants to see him, and they're doing well enough in Japan that him disappearing for a couple of days would only fuel the talk around them.
He tells Kyuhyun the story as they're using up all the hot water in Yoochun's bathroom at his parent's house, playing the silent game as they grab at arms and legs and run tongues over skin slick and damp.
"You should disappear too, come with me to Japan."
Kyuhyun only laughs. "Why would I do that?"
There's only silent moans and quick breaths before Yoochun laughs too. "No, I guess you have no reason to..."
6. In the morning, Kyuhyun wakes up to Yoochun watching him in his sleep. "Hyung?" He thinks that maybe something might be wrong when Yoochun doesn't answer. "Hyung?"
Yoochun blinks and shakes his head as if he had been somewhere too far away and had crash landed back to Earth. "I was just wondering..."
Kyuhyun watches him without a word, rubbing at his eyes.
Yoochun watches him, shakes his head and smiles. "I was just wondering and spaced out, it's nothing."
Kyuhyun smiles because emotional breakdowns are not his forte and seeing Yoochun smile takes off the weight that's staring to form on his chest. "Okay." He reaches out to him and takes them over and under and doesn't realize anything's different until he's home and realizes that there are no hickeys.
7. ("I think that maybe we should stop fooling around. I mean, it was fun, but the chances of getting caught are too high, you know? And I don't want that for either of us."
Kyuhyun smiles into the phone. "Okay. I understand. But I get one last kiss next time I see you."
Yoochun laughs a beat too slow. "Sure.")
8. Yesung shakes his head at Kyuhyun over breakfast and Donghae and Kangin, the only others there, watch with sleepy interested eyes.
"What hyung?" Kyuhyun is feeling irritable and nervous and almost sick and he doesn't know why and he doesn't want to deal with Yesung's oddness right now.
"You're an idiot. And so is he." He stands up with his breakfast untouched and he looks so serious and solemn and sad that Kyuhyun notices Kangin gaping just a little. "You're supposed to be happy, and you both messed it up so bad." He turns and leaves and the bang of his room door slamming shut makes everyone jump.
Kyuhyun doesn't understand.
9. ("I think I like him a lot." Yoochun grins at him over a cup of coffee and a cigarette and Yesung chokes just a little on his cracker. Yoochun laughs, hits him on the back. "You can't even chew right, hyung, what am I going to do with you?"
Yesung shrugs and wipes his slightly watering eyes. He knows what Yoochun can do with him, what he wishes Yoochun would do, but he always knows what Yoochun will really do, which is to never ever understand why Yesung does the things he does. "Nothing, of course. But what're you talking about? You like him?"
Yoochun smiles a little dreamily, stirring the spoon of his coffee and Yesung thinks he looks like the romantic hero of a romantic comedy. "I do, a lot. I just- I haven't talk to him much, but he's so serious, and he knows so many things I couldn't even begin to catch up with him and his voice, god. There's just- I just like him."
Yesung feels his hear skipping beats like he's been kissed and it's cruel. He looks up at Yoochun with his heart in his eyes. "And there's no one else?"
Yoochun doesn't see, he never sees. "No one else, hyung.")
10. Kyuhyun meets Zhoumi three weeks after Yoochun has left and he falls before he realizes he's falling. The way Zhoumi smiles and the way he believes everything Heechul tells him and the way he thinks Kyuhyun is the smartest person in the world makes Kyuhyun slip into him.
Zhoumi is rough and naiive where Yoochun was smooth and experienced. He laughs when Yoochun would've only smiled, cries when Yoochun would've frowned.
When Kyuhyun realizes he's making comparisons at all, holding on Zhoumi's hand as the group gathers for a marathon of scary movies, he thinks he may have messed things up more then he knew.
He thinks of Yesung, who sits on the armchair by himself a little disconnected from everything else, and thinks of Yesung telling him "he really likes you" and feels something in his heart crumble.
11. Yoochun comes back to Korea and he calls Kyuhyun at three in the morning and Kyuhyun doesn't ask questions, just slips out of his dorm and meets Yoochun at the river.
Yoochun doesn't talk, only pulls Kyuhyun into his arms and kisses him. Kyuhyun can hear the last conversation they had playing in his head but he pushes the mute button and when Zhoumi's face comes unbidden into his mind he turns it off altogether.
It's fast and hard in the backseat of Yoochun's car, Kyuhyun with his face buried into the curve of his arm and Yoochun hard and lean against his back. The car shakes just a little and Kyuhyun cries out as Yoochun wraps a hand around him and slides.
When he can breathe, can make sense out of the noises spilling out of his mouth, he turns and blinks at Yoochun, who sits on the other side of the backseat and stares out the window. "Thought this was over."
Yoochun turns from the window and gives him a smile that Kyuhyun realizes is the one he should've fallen in love with. "I love you."
12. "Hyung." Kyuhyun slides into Yesung's room and Yesung doesn't look up from the computer. Yesung has taken to being alone in his room when before he would've played games and watched movies and made fun of the others while they were really making fun of him.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry."
Yesung looks up and his eyes are a little bloodshot. Kyuhyun doesn't think it's from tears, but from the nights he doesn't sleep, just shuffles around the dorm while Kyuhyun listens to him from his room before he falls asleep. He shakes his head. "For what?"
"For Yoochun." Kyuhyun watches the most incredible transformation, watches how Yesung shuts down and closes off, his face becoming still in a way that makes the hairs on the back of Kyuhyun's neck rise up, then his book coming up to cover his face.
"That's none of my business."
Kyuhyun leans against the bedroom door. "I'm so sorry."
Yesung is silent, before his laptop and slipping under his covers and pulling the sheets high over his head and facing the wall. "Don't be sorry for me. Be sorry for him."
13. The concert is loud. Everyone laughs and shouts and hugs and dances and sings and Kyuhyun stays close to Zhoumi backstage.
Yoochun is on stage, singing and dancing with a light in his eyes that Kyuhyun doesn't know is fake or not, never had the chance to find out, to understand, and he sighs just a little when he slings an arm over Junsu's shoulders and whispers something in his ear.
Zhoumi squeezes his hand and Kyuhyun looks up to find him smiling just like Yoochun had that last night in the car. "I can try," he whispers under the noise of backstage.
"What?"
"I can try to be him for you."
For the first time since this had started, since the whirlwind and push and pull and the falls backwards and forwards, Kyuhyun feels like crying. The smile on Zhoumi's face, the way he clings so tight to his hand, the absolute sincerity in his voice makes Kyuhyun tremble because what has he done?
"I can try very hard." Zhoumi wraps him into a hug and Kyuhyun shakes in his arms because he knows what his answer is.
14. Yoochun only whispers in Junsu's ear because he sees Kyuhyun and Zhoumi standing so fucking close to each other backstage and god, just for once, he wants to be jealous and angry, instead of accepting. Then he sees Zhoumi pulling Kyuhyun close, the way he had, and all the anger flies out of him because no matter what he does, he's never going to get Kyuhyun, is he? Kyuhyun will never fall in love with him.