harghh
well, I have happy news and not happy news.
the not happy news is that my Opa sent this to my Mema earlier this week:
"...I'm also concerned about Rhi. Whenever we go out to eat I see that she's becoming a smaller version of her Mom when it comes to being a "trash mouth". Rachel and Andrew[1] raised the issue w/ me the last time we all went out. Essentially, they said that it made them feel "uncomfortable' the way in which both Lee and Rhi would just persist in sounding like they are "gang bangers".[2] I told Rachel and Andrew that I could empathize, that it bothered me too; but that I expected that we would still go out together once or twice a month. For what it's worth, Cammeron[3] doesn't seem to feel the need to sound like a gangster...and that's real refreshing. We can only hope that Lee and Rhi will change their ways. Besides, it's in their hands...and no one else can be responsible for their behavior and actions. I feel really sad about all this...especially when there is all that potential and opportunity..."
[1]Rachel and Andrew are my aunt and soon to be step-uncle on my mother's side.
[2]I'm particularly offended by this, namely because I have no idea what the fuck that means. gang bangers? wtf? as in, we talk about all the women we've raped? all the roofies we've given out? what the hell. I'm also particularly upset because Andrew has always been really nice and friendly towards me, and I knew that it wasn't because we were about to have the same family, but because he and I genuinely get along and like each other. never has he ever made it apparent that he or Rachel have ever been uncomfortable with how I talked, or how I interacted with them. in fact, he tended to play along quite well, so I have no fucking clue what that's about.
[3]I'm thinking it was a typo, but that's not how you spell my brother's name.
so what the hell am I supposed to make of this? my mum has never been really partial to her dad, namely because he's an asshole. she tried telling me, "he's probably just exaggerating. meaning, he, Rachel, and Andrew probably talked about it ONCE and it was in passing."
I'm not buying it.
but my good news is regarding my last entry, on the topic of Hunter. now, I felt like an ass for leading him on, and then...nothing. I figured my mistake was partially subconscious and conscious. the subconscious part is the fact that I have separation issues because I've never had a father-figure in my life; my mum has gone through several boyfriends, including one fiance, since I can remember. deep down, that bothers me, but on the surface, I don't really care. but my seeking Hunter's attention, I'm thinking, stemmed from that.
the conscious part of me went after him because I am not really that stable out of a relationship, and it would have been really nice to get involved with someone. the whole thing would have worked out if I wasn't so shallow. in other words, I'm not going after him any more because he's not attractive to me, so...fuck whatever.
I'm so shallow.
the not happy news is that my Opa sent this to my Mema earlier this week:
"...I'm also concerned about Rhi. Whenever we go out to eat I see that she's becoming a smaller version of her Mom when it comes to being a "trash mouth". Rachel and Andrew[1] raised the issue w/ me the last time we all went out. Essentially, they said that it made them feel "uncomfortable' the way in which both Lee and Rhi would just persist in sounding like they are "gang bangers".[2] I told Rachel and Andrew that I could empathize, that it bothered me too; but that I expected that we would still go out together once or twice a month. For what it's worth, Cammeron[3] doesn't seem to feel the need to sound like a gangster...and that's real refreshing. We can only hope that Lee and Rhi will change their ways. Besides, it's in their hands...and no one else can be responsible for their behavior and actions. I feel really sad about all this...especially when there is all that potential and opportunity..."
[1]Rachel and Andrew are my aunt and soon to be step-uncle on my mother's side.
[2]I'm particularly offended by this, namely because I have no idea what the fuck that means. gang bangers? wtf? as in, we talk about all the women we've raped? all the roofies we've given out? what the hell. I'm also particularly upset because Andrew has always been really nice and friendly towards me, and I knew that it wasn't because we were about to have the same family, but because he and I genuinely get along and like each other. never has he ever made it apparent that he or Rachel have ever been uncomfortable with how I talked, or how I interacted with them. in fact, he tended to play along quite well, so I have no fucking clue what that's about.
[3]I'm thinking it was a typo, but that's not how you spell my brother's name.
so what the hell am I supposed to make of this? my mum has never been really partial to her dad, namely because he's an asshole. she tried telling me, "he's probably just exaggerating. meaning, he, Rachel, and Andrew probably talked about it ONCE and it was in passing."
I'm not buying it.
but my good news is regarding my last entry, on the topic of Hunter. now, I felt like an ass for leading him on, and then...nothing. I figured my mistake was partially subconscious and conscious. the subconscious part is the fact that I have separation issues because I've never had a father-figure in my life; my mum has gone through several boyfriends, including one fiance, since I can remember. deep down, that bothers me, but on the surface, I don't really care. but my seeking Hunter's attention, I'm thinking, stemmed from that.
the conscious part of me went after him because I am not really that stable out of a relationship, and it would have been really nice to get involved with someone. the whole thing would have worked out if I wasn't so shallow. in other words, I'm not going after him any more because he's not attractive to me, so...fuck whatever.
I'm so shallow.