Souls Laid Bare

[adair7]

Story Title: Souls Laid Bare
Author: adair7
Rating: R
Details: Edward/Tanya
Disclaimer: Everything Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
Summary: Canon. Oneshot. Pre-Twilight. She knew she could rebuild Edward, but first she’d have to strip him bare. Edward/Tanya.
Link: @ ff.net



Souls Laid Bare
1931

“Have you ever been to Alaska, Edward?”

I looked up from my book, an eyebrow raised in question. Carlisle was not known for asking pointless questions. He sat, not quite at ease in his chair, across the library from me, and waited expectantly for an answer. A small smile curled at the corners of his mouth but his thoughts were surprisingly unhelpful. They merely echoed the words of his spoken question.

“Not to my knowledge,” I answered hesitantly. “You’ve never brought me there, and I didn’t travel that far north when I left.”

His thoughts darkened as they always did whenever my brief rebellion came up. I had only come back three months previous and mention of our parting was still salt in the wound. As usual, he pushed away the images of he and Esme searching the dark for news of me, their lost son, and I pretended I hadn’t noticed.

“Why do you ask?”

“There is a coven out that way that shares our beliefs and lives civilly amongst humans,” he explained. “They are one of the oldest covens in existence and I think you would enjoy meeting them.”

He didn’t voice the words aloud but I could see the images of their ethereal faces come to his mind. He focused on one face in specific - that of sun-kissed golden hair, honey eyes, and a full red pout. A seductive smirk added a mischievous air to the majestic beauty. It was easy to see why she would be in clearer focus than her housemates.

“I’d rather not,” I shook my head.

You can’t hide forever, Edward.

I glared at Carlisle. He was my father, my mentor, my brother, and my friend but he could not save me from myself. The hole in my life had expanded exponentially as the years passed; a slow building storm that had begun to rage within me. I’d sought blood to cure the pain that wracked my body, but it did nothing more than add to the mental anguish.

I hated what I’d become. Justifying my actions by preying solely on the corrupt hadn’t convinced me. Death would never be the same as murder.

I was still ashamed to look Carlisle and Esme in the eye, knowing that the mottled brown hue disturbed them still. How could I meet these golden-eyed strangers who knew nothing of the obedient son I had once been? The visible aspect of my shame was fading slowly with each passing day, but these strangers would only see the truth lain out in plain sight.

“I’m not ready.”

“Please, Edward. We’re worried about you. Esme thinks speaking to someone knew who understands your struggle might help.” It was impossible to age once you were changed, but at that moment Carlisle looked far older than his human years.

I scowled into the glowing embers of a dying fire across the library.

“We leave tonight,” Carlisle said quietly and left the room.

----------------------------------------------------------------

“You must be Edward,” the woman smiled warmly. Her skin was much darker than mine, a lingering reminder of her Spanish heritage, but was still altered by the ashen pallor of a vampire. What a handsome young man.
I ignored her remark easily. So many people focused on my looks and ignored what I truly was. They didn’t believe a young man who possessed features they found attractive could harbour such evil within him. I was about to turn away when Carlisle caught my eye and sent me a warning look. Instead I moved my mouth into the closest semblance of a smile I could render and nodded. “Edward Masen.”

I held out my hand to shake hers and she smirked with amusement before placing her hand within mine. “You’ve got quite the gentleman here, Carlisle and...?”

“This is my wife, Esme,” Carlisle gestured to her, resting his hand in the small of her back.

“Pleased to meet you,” Esme greeted cheerfully. “It’s so exciting to finally meet others who subscribe to the same lifestyle that we do.”

“Indeed, it is a rare occasion,” a raven-haired man agreed. “I am Eleazar and this is my mate, Carmen. The other three in our coven are waiting in the salon.”

Carmen took our coats, worn only to keep up appearances for the mortals, and hung them in the hall closet. Looking around the room, it was clear to see that the Denali coven was a wealthy one. The furniture and decor was simple at first glance, but finely crafted of exquisite materials upon further observation. Small knick-knacks, such as picture frames, looked to be hundreds of years old if observed with a discerning eye.

“I’d like to introduce you to my daughters, Katrina, Irina, and Tanya,” Eleazar gestured to each one of the stunning young women who sat in the room. I wondered how old they truly were. It was obvious that they were not his daughters by birth - vampires cannot reproduce - but I could see Esme smile at this endearment from the corner of my eye. Though she was currently pretending to be my older sister this time, I knew she saw me in a maternal light and was fond of others who expressed similar leanings.

The three women had jumped to their feet upon our entry and made their way toward Carlisle, with whom they were already familiar. After thoroughly greeting him they directed their interest toward Esme, fawning over her soft beauty and her luck of being fated to be with Carlisle.

They attempted to be cordial toward me, but my stiff posture and cool responses kept them at bay. They didn’t press and it was slowly revealed through their thoughts that they knew I’d been pressured into being here. They obviously weren’t warned of my gift.

Irina had stared into my eyes with abject horror. Was I a true believer in her way of life, or did I merely choose to be so in order to reap the benefits of my relationship with the kindly Dr. Cullen and the gentle, trusting Esme?
Kate was cordial enough on the outside, but my eyes also made her wary of me. My guarded nature frightened her. In her experience, people who hid their true nature did so with reason.
The only one who seemed unbothered by my cool exterior and the mottled red-brown of my eyes was Tanya. She had studied me carefully from aside, but with gentle eyes free of judgement. She made observations in her mind but didn’t attempt to create conclusions of me based on those alone. While the others were put off, she was curious.
Her reaction to me was unexpected. At times, I knew even Carlisle and Esme - the two people on the planet who would always accepted me without question - had grown uneasy with my garnet irises.
The group moved toward the formal sitting area but I lingered in the foyer, intrigued with this girl who was not uneasy with me. The others seemed to understand and left us, not even commenting on our choice to remain separate, though Kate and Irina were curious as to what Tanya intended to do with me.

I was half curious myself.

“Do you play chess?” She smiled mischievously, her eyes alight with interest, and I had to hold back soft laughter that bubbled beneath the surface. She had no clue of my gift.

“I do,” I smiled and sat myself down at the ornate, wooden chessboard that sat in the corner of the salon. She sat opposite of me, straightening out her skirt as she sat down. She was dressed demurely in a fashionable, light sea green dress that accented her fair colouring. Her hair fell in soft waves around her face. She was the picture of youth and innocence though she possessed neither.

“Is it true you read minds?”

I looked up in surprise, caught off-guard by the uncensored thoughts the others had so openly radiated earlier.

“I take that as a yes,” Tanya smirked and I realized her initial question had not actually been spoken aloud.

“I understand if you don’t want to play anymore.” I pushed my chair back, expecting her to do the same, but she reached out and grabbed my wrist, holding me in place.

“Sit back down, Masen,” Her eyes smiled, the mischief still dancing behind golden irises.

“But you know I’ll just read your moves,” I pointed out.

“I don’t care.” As if to demonstrate her point, she moved a pawn and then returned her gaze to me, challenging me to make my move. “I’m afraid I’m dreadfully good at this game and nobody here wants to play me anymore. Your ability will take this to a more interesting level.”

“As you wish,” I laughed softly. I studied the pieces and opened my mind to hers, ready to pick her moves out of her head, even though her thoughts wouldn’t be too indicative of her game plan this early on. Her mind wasn’t even on chess - she was studying me instead. Uncomfortable with this perspective to myself, I hurried to make my move.

The pieces began their intricate dance of intellect across the board and I grew frustrated with the game as my pieces were knocked down one after the other. How could she keep her mind so separate from the game plan? Even the best opponents focused on the game, possible plays, and their decisions so intently that it almost became a mania. Her thoughts of the game were so quick and fleeting that it did not seem possible. She focused too intently on me, analyzing my face, my expressions, my moves - everything. It was beyond infuriating. I couldn’t stop the hiss that escaped my lips as Tanya calmly knocked one of my pieces out of the way.

“Checkmate.”

“Impossible,” I scanned the board, mapping out possibilities, but it was in vain. She’d beaten me. At my best game.

“You look devastated,” she smirked, her voice singing with the edge of laughter. “And confused. It’s just a game, Edward. You win some, you lose some.”

“Not me.”

“Excuse me?” Tanya raised an eyebrow with a look that was both perplexed and amused.

“I’ve never lost at chess,” I clarified, straightening out the cuffs on my shirt, unwilling to meet her eyes. “Ever.”

She looked at me thoughtfully, her mind carefully storing the information without making judgement. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, not sure how to respond to her. Everything about Tanya was so different from what I used to. She never reacted the way I thought she would.
After chess, we made our way back to the larger social group and fit in with the conversation. They lived very much the same way that Carlisle did - assimilating amongst the humans and doing the best one could to be a contributing member of society. We’d all locked our skeletons in the darkest closets of the deepest basements. I wondered if any of them had as many skeletons in their closet as I had in mine.

The question about my rebellion was on the tip of everyone’s tongue, but not one person had the courage to say something to me - to ask me about who I had been and what I had done. They wanted to know my number; how many people I had killed. They wanted to know who I choose to kill. Would I kill again? Would I crack and fold under the oppressive, ever-present thirst to take what I could not have?

I would not answer unless they asked aloud. No one did.

The only thoughts that were free of blood-lusting curiosity and prying questions was Tanya. She wondered things like what music I listened to or what books I’d read recently. My social life was of great interest to her; what was it like to be Carlisle’s “son” and live with him and Esme? Did I have many vampire friends? Did I have a mate in mind?

The first time she mused upon that topic, my eyes had flickered to hers instantly, daring her to say her query to my face. I half expected her to, she had certainly debated it, but in the end her mouth twitched in an odd smirk and she said nothing.

The longer we stayed in Denali, the longer I spent with Tanya. We played chess a few more times, stopping when both of us had won two games. This meant we were equally matched, but I had my doubts. The fact that she could beat me twice when I could read her mind spoke volumes about her intelligence and game strategy.

“Tanya is exceptionally talented at games,” Carlisle commented after she had beaten me the second time. “You’d be wise to remember that.”

I looked to her out of the corner of my eye just to see her retreating for turn around the corner. “Escort me for a walk, Edward,” she spoke from out of sight. Carlisle raised an eyebrow at me and I merely shrugged in response before following her into the night.

Snow was falling gently, masking the imperfections of the world with its purity. It smoothed over the creases and left the world a blank canvas willing humanity to paint it vividly with life and love though it inevitably would turn gray and black with the tarnish of society.

Tanya did not turn to look at more, nor did she acknowledge my presence. She simply walked on into the snow and dark, trusting me to following behind. I stretched my mind out to hers and immediately retreated. She was entertaining herself with thoughts of how flustered I had become when our respective families had begun to notice how much time we spent together and whether or not I’d allow her to see into the heart I’d hidden so well.

“You leave me feeling at a disadvantage, Edward,” she said softly, as if to no one in particular. She spoke to the delicate crystals of snow dancing slowly in the sky, but not to me though she had addressed me. “All my secrets are on display to you. Every thought, every whim - there is no mystery.”

“I don’t pry,” I replied, uncertain how to answer. I watched the strawberry blonde girl warily. She was so unpredictable - something I thought impossible. Her full pout quirked into a smile when she looked at me over her shoulder. “At least, I try not to pry.”

“But whether or not you try, it’s there none-the-less. You take our secrets, do with them what you will, but offer none of yours in return.” I expected to see a pout on her face but she remained a picture of curiosity and coy smiles.

I paused a moment, considering her statement. It was quite accurate. I was a stealer of secrets and guarded my own furiously. “If I were to promise one secret to you, which one would you like?”

Her mind considered several fleeting thoughts, but none so concrete that I could grasp hold of it. When at last it paused on one thing, I furrowed my brow in confusion. She was amused at the way my eyes reflected light and snow. What a strange mind.

“Have you ever loved?” She tilted her head slightly, awaiting my answer and looking all the more like a young girl, so different from the centuries old vampire she truly was.

“Never,” I answered truthfully and without hesitation.

“How sad,” she frowned, her eyes genuinely troubled by my admission. “Have you ever been close?”

I returned her gaze and said nothing. She’d known the answer before she asked it, of that I was sure.

Her mind was a collage of faces, moments in time she cherished with men she loved. I wasn’t surprised to see that they were mortal faces. “You’ve loved many,” I commented.

“I’ve lived many lives,” she sighed. “A life without love is not one worth living.”

I raised a sceptical eyebrow, and she laughed softly, shaking her head. She sat down beneath the snow covered branches of a nearby tree, making sure her thick coat was between her and the ground. She watched me expectantly until I sat down next to her.

“You’re so young yet, Edward,” her lips smiled but her eyes were sad. “You’ve never felt love, but that’s not unusual. What is, is that you’ve done everything you can to fend it off. You don’t love because you don’t want to.”

I scoffed at her words, looking into the distance.

“You don’t think you deserve love?”

I concentrated on my shoes, looking at a scuff that had nicked the top of the left toe. I resisted the urge to stiffen and pull away as she rested a tentative hand on my shoulder. “After what I’ve done, I don’t deserve anything. The kindness of Carlisle and Esme, you, everyone... it’s too much. I should be punished.”

“And no one will punish you, so you choose to punish yourself? Live a life without comfort or companionship because of what you are?” Her voice was quiet in volume but rang with the intensity of her words. “I could see through you the minute you walked through my door.”

“I’ve heard you are familiar with men, succubus,” I growled, jerking my shoulder out from beneath her touch.

She brought her hand back to her side, but leaned closer to me instead. “You use the name they’ve given me as a weapon but it doesn’t sting the way you want it to. I am proud of who I am and what I am. I live without regrets. A newborn like you isn’t going to change that.”

I glared at her with all the fire and fury I could summon, seething in her ability to surprise me, to turn everything I knew against me.

“You’re so angry, Edward.” She leaned against me, resting her head on my shoulder, and I let her. “Isn’t it exhausting to carry that with you all the time? Isn’t it difficult to keep everyone so far away?”

“I didn’t ask for this,” I replied, letting the darkness and bitterness in my heart seep into my voice.

“None of us did. We didn’t want this,” she whispered, peering up into my face. She placed a palm against my cheek. It was smooth and as cold as the snow around us. “Most of us didn’t even know what we had become - didn’t know this world existed. You’re not the only one.”

“How do you live with what you’ve done?” My voice rasped low in my throat.

“That’s something you have to learn for yourself,” she sighed. “Sometimes you can’t. Sometimes you can try to do something good for the world to make amends - save a life for each one you’ve taken.”

“Carlisle,” I murmured.

“Mmhmm. And sometimes you take others under your wing and help them from making the same mistakes you have.”

Her soulful gold eyes watched me carefully, lighting as I let the anger fall from my face and the tension ease from my shoulders. Her hand brushed through my hair gently, a soothing motion into which I leaned.

“You’re so beautiful. I don’t think the world was ready for the likes of you, even in life. You have youth and the face of an angel. You can have anything you want, if you only just ask for it. It’s a dangerous gift, beauty.”

Her face was only inches from mine and for the first time since the change, I found myself reacting to the charms of a girl. “Are you dangerous?”

“Deadly,” she smiled coyly. Her eyes flickered to my lips and her irises darkened slightly. If I’d had a pulse, I knew it would be racing now. I studied that face of the girl who had mesmerized me for the past few weeks. It was flawless. It was soft and rounded in all the right places, her eyes wide - both innocent and wise - her cheeks sharp and her lips pillowed. She was Aphrodite and I could understand how mortals had once mistaken her for a God. The elegant curves of her body, exquisitely clothed in layers of draped silk, were equally compelling.

Her hand had made its way to my neck where her fingertips played with the silken tips of the hair at my nape. I was drawn to her with an insistence I couldn’t ignore. Our bodies were opposite polarities, pulsing with the need to draw closer and connect. I needed to touch her, to touch those red lips that teased me with their stolen secrets and mocking smirks. Moving on impulse alone, I closed the distance between us, crashing my lips into hers.

At first, neither one of us moved. We simply thrilled in the radiant sensation of touch, of kissing. I didn’t even know if this was my first kiss. I knew I should scan the dim remainders of my human memory, but the distraction was too much. I was enthralled in the kiss, eager to move further as Tanya’s lips changed pressure against my. She started slowly, easing me into her embrace with gentle touches of her lips against mine. It was maddeningly chaste and I craved more.

She giggled as I held her tightly, pulling her closer. “So eager,” she smiled into my kiss. I didn’t respond but instead silenced her by biting playfully at her bottom lip. She let out a gasp of surprise and pulled away gently. It didn’t escape my notice that she was breathing heavily, despite our natural ability to exist without breath at all. It didn’t escape my notice that I was breathing heavily as well.

“Where did you learn something like that?” she asked with wide eyes.

“It felt right,” I groaned, longing to do it again. I moved in again, taking the opportunity to slip my tongue into her mouth, exploring with a tentative flick of my tongue. She tasted divine, faintly of milk and honey and I instantly craved more. She offered no resistance, circling her arms around my neck and returning every gesture I offered her. My hands moved down her sides of their own accord, gripping tightly around her waist and I fought to draw her nearer still. She was never close enough. Surges of pleasure raced through my body, my skin feeling alit with the fire and excitement of her touch.

We shifted suddenly, so that my weight rested upon her, her legs parted slightly and my knee wedged between them. She moved her body, finding a comfortable spot, and I hissed in response as her leg brushed against the bulge in my pants, causing me to harden further to the point of pain.

She ground her hips up, and I groaned roughly into her mouth, relishing in the torturous pleasure of friction. I moved a hand up, touching the curve of her breast lightly, a silent question whether this was okay. Her back arched into my touch and I took this as encouragement, allowing myself to explore her body more freely.

I moved my other leg so that it joined the one gripped tightly between Tanya’s legs. At first she hesitated, I could read it in her mind, but then, only a moment before I was going to give up, she parted her legs and allowed me to settle my weight between them.

We both gasped as my erection pressed against her center, the pleasure excruciating even through the layers of clothing. I wanted nothing more than to tear of those layers and feel the silky skin that lay beneath her dress. The linen of my boxers seemed rough and mocking, taunting me as it held me back from the heaven I sought.

I ground my hips, sliding my confined length against her and exhaled sharply, my hands fisting in the loose waves of her strawberry blonde hair. She was divine and I worshipped her as I kissed her face and neck in reverence of her beauty and her hold over me.

She was a goddess.

My lips busied themselves with her earlobe and she hummed in response. My hands drifted down from her breasts to her slender thighs, the tops of her stocking bared as our actions had rucked up the bottom of her skirt.

My pants had become so tight that they were painful and I grunted with discomfort as I strained against the unforgiving wool. I reached down to undo the button and sighed in relief as the material gave way. The urgency to push, to pull, to get closer still only increased as the only barrier between us and true ecstasy were the thin linen of my underwear, and the light silk of hers. I could feel everything and with one last thrust the string tightening in my abdomen gave way and I shuddered into her embrace, the tension building in my body finally easing as I collapsed on her.

Tanya breathed heavily beneath me and she stroked my hair gently, twirling the errant locks of hair around her fingertips.

After countless minutes unmoving, I nuzzled her neck softly, and lifted my weight up onto my arms. Tanya looked up at me, but her expression was unreadable.

“Can I ask you a question?” I nodded in response. “As you are now, have you ever felt love?”

“What do you mean?” I asked, easing back so that I rested beside her. She brought her legs together and sat up, holding her knees to her chest protectively. I swallowed uneasily. Her thoughts were as indecipherable as always, more so, even.

“Have you ever felt love for anything since you became one of our kind?”

I thought for a moment and with each passing second I could see the light fade in her eyes. “No.”

“We have to stop,” she said softly, inching herself away from me to further impress the meaning of her words.

“Why?” I couldn’t help the surprise from touching my face. I’d let myself feel something. That was what she had wanted.

“There are many tales about me, Edward. I am a lover of mortals, a succubus. Still, I’ve never shared a bed with a man who didn’t love me. I’ve never shared my body with a man I didn’t love in return. I’ve always believed you give away a piece of your soul when you give yourself to someone like that. As vampires, what little soul we have left can’t be thrown away thoughtlessly. It’s never the tarnished bits we part with, after all. You don’t love me.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but decided against it. She was right. I didn’t love her.

Tanya stood up, brushing the snow off of her clothes and straightened herself out. I did the same, buttoning up my pants and smoothing my shirt. Our bodies held no heat so the snow hadn’t melted beneath us. My clothes remained dry.

“One day you will find someone you truly love. You’ll lay your soul bare before her and allow her to truly see who you are.” She leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “Don’t give your heart to just anyone, Edward. Only allow someone who will love as deeply as you will to see your soul.”

She linked her hand in mine and led me back to the house, both of us lost in our own thoughts. I was so deeply entrenched in my own mind, I took no notice of hers.

We parted at the doorway and it was as if nothing had happened between us. She was as courteous and generous towards me as she had always been, but the flirtations air of something more no longer lingered in her words or her smile.

We said our goodbyes a few days later and were about to make our way back home. As we rode in the train, Esme positively glowed as she appraised me.

“There’s something different about you, Edward,” Carlisle finally gave voice to the thoughts both he and Esme had been mulling over for the past few hours. “But I can’t place what.”

I just shrugged and looked out the window, a small smile playing across my lips. I pretended I didn’t notice the meaningful glance that passed between them, or the way she squeezed his hand.

Nothing had changed.

Everything had changed.