Drunken -hopefully mostly coherent- Rant
It's been almost a month since I've not been dating Mikey. I've been free and happy without him, and I hope that he finds someone that cares about him.
I've found someone that makes me happy. I may have already fucked that up though. You know me, I'm super at doing that! Super fucking AMAZING, even. Wonderfultastic. *MY word* We stared our relationship Aug. 10th.
BTW --TMI-- COMING UP; SKIP IF OFFENDED **I REFUSE TO CUT**:
Since 2 1/2 months ago I've been having panic attacks. So bad that I've actually had to be sent home because of it. Last Saturday I had a really bad panic attack, at about 9:30 AM. I finally caved and called a doctor. Had an appt. Monday. Well.. After an hour of his questions he concluded that I was clinically depressed. Severe on the border of Manic. He gave me Prozac. Only three days (started Monday after appt) after, and I've decided to stop taking it.
The cons out-weighed the pros.
Pro:
I was able to sleep through a whole night.
I actually saw myself as pretty.
I could consentrate on more than 3 things at once.
My OCD calmed down.
My ADD settled. (yes, i have, and have had both for quite some time *duh*).
Cons:
I've been mean to my roommate. I've ignored her, glared at her, and made her feel unwelcome in her own home. All this started Monday. Gee, wonder why?
Became very depressed. Hell, the panic attacks scared me, but never made me sad.
Became increasingly paranoid. Would hear things at night that weren't happening. (In case ANYONE at all wonders, I wasn't drunk or high on any kind of drug at the time *besides the proz. the doc. Rx for me*. Would also think people at work were nice to me, but were really talking about me behind my back.
Lost my pep at work. I pride myself on being hyper and happy all day long, no matter what. I want my old peeps happy. And I just haven't been able to raise enough energy to even smile.
Completely lost my appetite. I wanted to eat SOO bad! But I could hardly stand to eat a BITE of my Fave foods. So for three days I ate as follows: 7 grapes, four spoon-fulls of raisin bran, 4 piece of toast, a Cordon Bleu Bite (which I had been looking forward to all week), a bite of donut.. LOTS of CrownCoke&Royal. Weed... That's it. Not too bad considering my options.
Treated Cory like GOD KNOWS WHAT!!?!? Seriously, until Leslie pointed out how I had been treating her, I didn't even realise what I'd been doing.
**This Could Be In Pro or Con.. Put it in CON for QUITTING** Got my OCD back, really bad when I quit this morning (added pro to the con though, I realised I concentrate fine no matter what).
Lost my happy. -*-No other way to describe thaT-*-
Seriously, I think Cory was run off by this "*episode of mine"
*Only way to describe what a D.octor I.nduced S.tupor may cause, even with the best intent.
Gee.. I guess I just needed to get this shit out of my head, becuase i can't really remember what I started this rant for... Good for me maybe... until I read this after the post. ... Oh well, think what you will, Ignore as you Must. TTYL.
I've found someone that makes me happy. I may have already fucked that up though. You know me, I'm super at doing that! Super fucking AMAZING, even. Wonderfultastic. *MY word* We stared our relationship Aug. 10th.
BTW --TMI-- COMING UP; SKIP IF OFFENDED **I REFUSE TO CUT**:
Since 2 1/2 months ago I've been having panic attacks. So bad that I've actually had to be sent home because of it. Last Saturday I had a really bad panic attack, at about 9:30 AM. I finally caved and called a doctor. Had an appt. Monday. Well.. After an hour of his questions he concluded that I was clinically depressed. Severe on the border of Manic. He gave me Prozac. Only three days (started Monday after appt) after, and I've decided to stop taking it.
The cons out-weighed the pros.
Pro:
I was able to sleep through a whole night.
I actually saw myself as pretty.
I could consentrate on more than 3 things at once.
My OCD calmed down.
My ADD settled. (yes, i have, and have had both for quite some time *duh*).
Cons:
I've been mean to my roommate. I've ignored her, glared at her, and made her feel unwelcome in her own home. All this started Monday. Gee, wonder why?
Became very depressed. Hell, the panic attacks scared me, but never made me sad.
Became increasingly paranoid. Would hear things at night that weren't happening. (In case ANYONE at all wonders, I wasn't drunk or high on any kind of drug at the time *besides the proz. the doc. Rx for me*. Would also think people at work were nice to me, but were really talking about me behind my back.
Lost my pep at work. I pride myself on being hyper and happy all day long, no matter what. I want my old peeps happy. And I just haven't been able to raise enough energy to even smile.
Completely lost my appetite. I wanted to eat SOO bad! But I could hardly stand to eat a BITE of my Fave foods. So for three days I ate as follows: 7 grapes, four spoon-fulls of raisin bran, 4 piece of toast, a Cordon Bleu Bite (which I had been looking forward to all week), a bite of donut.. LOTS of CrownCoke&Royal. Weed... That's it. Not too bad considering my options.
Treated Cory like GOD KNOWS WHAT!!?!? Seriously, until Leslie pointed out how I had been treating her, I didn't even realise what I'd been doing.
**This Could Be In Pro or Con.. Put it in CON for QUITTING** Got my OCD back, really bad when I quit this morning (added pro to the con though, I realised I concentrate fine no matter what).
Lost my happy. -*-No other way to describe thaT-*-
Seriously, I think Cory was run off by this "*episode of mine"
*Only way to describe what a D.octor I.nduced S.tupor may cause, even with the best intent.
Gee.. I guess I just needed to get this shit out of my head, becuase i can't really remember what I started this rant for... Good for me maybe... until I read this after the post. ... Oh well, think what you will, Ignore as you Must. TTYL.