A time to be so small
Fuck. I feel so small. So helpess and insignificant.
You know. I felt really good about telling jason all of that. I felt really good to get closure. To know that I had no hope anymore. I wanted to know I had no hope. I didn't want to wonder, and thus have hope. I wanted to know. And I knew and I was happy.
But now...I just feel empty.
And he was mad at me. And for good reason too. It's not like I liked myself either when I did those things. When I talked about our relationship like that. I just needed to get things out of the way. I couldn't go on without knowing some things. And that's what this was. But he told me something that I wish he wouldn't have. He told me he was seeing other girls. I shouldn't have been upset about it. After all, I was looking for guys to date too. But hearing him say that. It just hurt. It's probably because I love him.
Fuck. I don't want to love him. I don't want to feel pain at the mention of something so small like that. I've already pretty much accepted that I lost him. Why can't I accept that? Did I not think it was going to happen or something? He's cute. He's smart. Of course he'd fucking find more than one person to "see" while...I. Have nothing. I'm not seeing anyone. He moved on awfully quickly. But he never loved me. It was probably really easy for him.
I hate the situations I get myself into.