#12 Made of Blood and Bones (3/5)
Title: Made of Blood and Bone (3/5)
Pairing: JaeHo, Jaemin (unintended), YooSu, YooSuMin
Raiting: PG-13 for the drama
Disclaimer: Fan Fiction
Summary: This is a full blown drama of what happens to the boys after Yunho’s encounter with the cynoacrilic drink and takes place after the first radio interview the five of them had participated since this had happened. I can’t remember now which radio station it was with but I did remember that people had pointed out that Yunho didn’t touch the cake and how he was usually eating and stuff.
A/N: Chapter Three finally!! I’m so sorry for the delay, I knew I said I was going to post this Chapter sooner but life got in the way and I ended up adding other things into this and now i'm not really certain if it ended up the way I want it to.. So I'm apologizing now in advance if it doesn't come off as nice.. ^^
Ch.1: http://twilight-ave.livejournal.com/2937.html#cutid1
Ch.2: http://twilight-ave.livejournal.com/3203.html#cutid1
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“Come on” Jae says softly, breaking the silence between them, allowing it to ripple across the faint gossamer of comfort they had wrapped around themselves. “We’ve been running around the entire day, you should be resting already”
Min bids his time, watching the other’s movement carefully, waiting for the unspoken words to make themselves heard. Knowing only to well that with Jae, who spoke too much and thought too little about words like socially correct, the important things were never spoken aloud.
“It’s ok” He tells Jae with a small reassuring smile as he reaches forward to tug him back down, I’m ok.
“Let’s just sit here like this a little more” Let me just be here beside you.
Jae doesn’t say a thing, he simply looks at Min - looks pass the smile - and nods before sitting beside him once again.
Words were never something they needed to understand each other.
“Does it hurt?” Min asks when he notices the careful way Jae leans himself against the wall.
“No” He responded with an easy smile that tugged at the strings of the younger man’s heart and told him that it wasn’t so much a lie as other’s would mistake it to be.
Min smiles a little at Jae’s complicated simplicity, at how he can really believe that the pain doesn’t exist if he knows it’ll only cause the people around him to worry, at the stubbornness held by that small frame that has always held the rest of them steady.
“Does it hurt here?” Min pries softly; laying his hand over Jae’s chest to feel the faint heartbeat nestled there.
Its ok, once in a while, it’s ok to hurt. Words he never says aloud but is heard nonetheless.
Jae feels the warmth of Min’s hand, hears the persistence in his voice, sees the time that has passed and they stopped being kids. The answer stumbles inside of him and he breathes in to push the words out because he knows Min needs it.
“A little” It comes out in a whisper that’s so light that it’s barely audible, because he’s never fully learned to lean into others and ask to be healed, but Changmin hears it and that is all that matters.
“Give it to me” Min says just as quietly and Jae looks up to the warmness of those chocolate-brown eyes and wonders just exactly when the youngest had grown up.
Let me have it. The words hang in the silence between them as Min reaches forward to brush back the wayward strands of Jae’s hair and tucks them between his ears.
He remembers the days and nights that had been spent with the courage Jae lent out freely, the inviting smile during interviews that welcomed him into the conversation, the brief way his hand would be held to push away the tingling insecurities and the casual remarks thrown at his direction to give way to laughter.
He remembers being nineteen and tearing up in front of the computer screen because he was too young and he believed the stupid poll that told him that he was the least famous of the five.
“They don’t love me” He had said, carelessly brushing away the tears with the back of his hand, “Hyung, it’s because I’m not good enough isn’t it?”
“I bet that’s it” He added, “I’m not good enough am I? That’s why they don’t love me I -”
“ - WE love you” Jae had said as he hugged Min from behind and stopped the rush of painful words.
“We love you” He had repeated with a quiet determination that left Min breathless before he stood up and ruffled his hair “Now stop being a crybaby and drag Su, Micky and the bloody soccer ball out of the house so I can prepare dinner and not worry about anything getting broken.”
He remembers coming home, tired and covered in dirt from two hours of playing soccer and spending another hour of just convincing Su that they had to stop already, and finding out that Jae had prepared all of his favorite food.
It’s ok, let me have some of the hurt. Because he’s tired of being protected. Because he needs to know he can be strong enough to protect them.
Jae closes his eyes against the unvoiced insistence and Min stills beside him, waiting.
He thinks of the price that has to be paid for Min to heal, at the way they were all a little broken now, and asks himself if he had been selfish in forcing Yunho to believe that their lives can not be dictated by one stupid girl.
*Flashback*
Jae leans by the kitchen door and silently watches over the other members as their manager explains to them the day’s schedule. He catches only bits and pieces of the conversation, knowing only too well that Yunho will explain it to them again later in the van. He notices instead the simultaneous way Junsu’s hand trembled a little before it was shoved inside the pocket of his jeans, the flicker of emotion in Yoochun’s eyes that was quickly replaced with a blank smile and the look of concern that Changmin throws at Yunho before immediately bringing back his attention to their manager.
They were having another public appearance again as a group.
Another one that would tell them that despite how Yunho would always answer to the media that he was much better already, the incident will never leave them in the way Yunho made sure that their drinks were sealed, their food pre-packed and that the fans were more than a safe distance away.
Another appearance that they would tread with bated breath to make sure that neither of them made a mistake and touched anything that was given to them because they were now only too familiar with the almost imperceptible way Yunho stiffened, and they would almost always flinch a little, knowing that the anger that would follow soon after.
He swallows back the pain that clenches mercilessly into his heart, waits until the manager has left and Yunho has gone to the bathroom and holds on tightly into the threads of courage.
“I’m going to do it”, Jae announces just loud enough for the three other members to hear. No one says anything against the determination in his voice and the stubborn set of his jaw, there are only awkward movements, unvoiced words and a hesitant nod from the three before they headed for the car.
He watches them leave and he knows he doesn’t care whatever the hell he has to do, whatever crap he has to eat or however much of Yunho’s anger he has to take because he badly needed all of them back.
Because he was only whole if they were whole with him and he was only truly strong if Yunho was there to hold his hand.
Hurry back Yunnie, he whispers into the pale sky and pulls his sweater in tighter.
*End*
Jae can still taste the sweetness of the cake that he had purposely eaten, can still see the way Yunho had froze up beside him and how Junsu had faltered in the middle of his conversation with the host and the strained laughter that Yoochun and Min had given afterwards.
Look! Look! He had wanted to cry out then, I’m still alive! See! It’s just cake!!
“Let it go” Changmin whispers and he can almost feel all the little strings of painfully controlled pain untangle themselves over the ache that echoed in the younger man’s voice.
Let me be strong enough to take your pain for you.
“Min ah” Jae utters uncertainly, lacing their fingers slowly together as he gathered up the strength to allow himself to be embraced.
“It’s ok” Min says with a smile “You can give some of it to me” Lean into me, let me have it, “it’ll be ok” because I need to be strong enough to do so.
He forces himself to take the last step, remembering all the times he had been able to tuck away Min’s little bruises, and cries finally.
Choked sobs and unfamiliar tears leaving his small frame until he is suddenly crying because he is suddenly back in that make up room, fixing his hair and looking up suddenly to catch the surprised look in Yunho’s eyes that had turned to panic and how the moment had seemed to stretch into an eternity for him as he fought against the fear and the person inside of him that was screaming for help.
He had wanted so much to break down with the fear but he had never seen that look in Yunho’s eyes before - never, not once since the day they had meet - and so he had shut the door to that small person, held Yunho’s hands and told him to take small breathes, asked Min to look for the manager and called Junsu.
Day after day he had fought that person in him because Yunho needed him more, needed him to be stronger, for once, to fight their demons.
But he is crying now, finally, and he presses closer into Min’s fragile innocence that has always asked him for a solution to become stronger.
Changmin, who has always been older than the rest of them, who was unbelievably patient and strove for perfection, the one person they all wanted so much to protect because he held something all of them had lost sometime in their lives.
Your too young for this, Jae thinks of saying, you should be having fun worrying about blind dates and passing your exams instead of being here, with us, hurtling between the taste of bliss and waking up to be slammed into the pain.
“Stronger” he hears Min’s heart hum over and over again, spiraling pass the layers of flesh and bones and man-made walls. And so he allows his own weakness to take over and clutches on tighter, knowing that, this time, Min desperately needs to know that he can be the one to kiss away the bruises and prove that there are no monsters in the closet.