#8 Made of Blood and Bones (1/5)
Title: Made of Blood and Bones
Pairing: JaeHo, Jaemin (unintended), YooSu, YooSuMin
Raiting: PG-13 for the drama
Disclaimer: Fan Fiction
A/N: I was going to write crack-fluff really but I ended up watching GoodDay where they spoke of the out-of-this-world experiences they’ve encountered with some of their fans and I ended up writing this one when I sat down and opened my pc. It ended up longer than I had originally thought so they’ll be split into five parts. The sequence of the pairings is revealed along the way in the order of how I’ve placed them above. AND I’m not really certain about how well this is (cause it might be too dragged on for some …) so I’m keeping my fingers-crossed J
Summary: This is a full blown drama of what happens to the boys after Yunho’s encounter with the cyanoacrylate drink and takes place after the first radio interview the five of them had participated since this had happened. I can’t remember now which radio station it was with but I did remember that people had pointed out that Yunho didn’t touch the cake and how he was usually eating and stuff.
ab
“Just what the hell did you think you were doing??”
Jae tries not to flinch from the menacing tone. You knew this was going to happen, he reminds himself when his heart falters against the sudden burst of anger, you KNEW.
“What?” Yunho shouts against Jae’s silence, “What the hell were you doing??” against the blank stare that only adds fuel to the bubbling rage he had been suppressing the entire time.
Don’t, when faint tremors threaten Jae’s barely controlled front of disinterest, you can do this, because despite how much he steels himself, he is never quite ready when it comes.
“Did you even think about your safety?”
You HAVE to be able to do this.
“What if there was something in it, did you think about that??”
It was just cake, he wants to say, cake, we used to have it all the time remember? But the words remain lodged somewhere in the silence of his heart, knowing that things were no longer as simple as they had used to be.
“Did you think about the rest of us?” Yunho shouts, grabbing him by the shoulders.
“Yun -” you’re hurting me, he almost says when the other man’s grip on his shoulders digs into the thin fabric of his shirt and touches flesh. He bites back the words, tastes the blood between clenched teeth and swallows the whimper that almost betrays him.
“What if you got hurt?” The words come out broken, like disjointed pieces, and he chokes from the pain in seeing the helplessness beyond the anger.
I’m sorry, his heart whispers against the glazed madness in Yunho’s eyes, I’m sorry.
“What about us?” He adds when Jae remains silent, when the anger finally burns through his defenses, “What about me goddamnit!” and allows his fears air to breathe.
“Yunho please -”Jae whispers as his hand reaches forward to touch the taut jaw, it never used to be like this, but he has already been flung back against the wall and there is only enough strength left in him to fight against his own weakness as Yunho turns to walk away.
The door slams behind him and that is all it takes for Jae to crumble to the floor and allow the tears to rack his lean frame.
“I’m sorry”, he whispers to the closed door, the empty hallway and the walls that bear witness to the tattered pieces of their over-worn clothes.
“I’m sorry..” The words stumble out of him between muffled sobs and clenched fingers, hating his own weakness.
If I had taken the offer, if I had accepted the leadership, had I just been stronger then, would we be happier now? The question haunts him, drags him down from the adrenaline high of performing under the limelight and forces him to miss that critical step.
He hadn’t been strong enough then, when the decision had to be made and he had stood there in awkward silence, stubbornly turning down the offer, too racked with insecurities to see pass his own demons and think of the person who would have to take on the responsibility.
“I’m sorry” because he cannot say the words enough, not when he knows that he still isn’t strong enough now.
ab
“Stronger” Changmin tells himself, left alone in the darkness with his forehead pressed against the cold surface of the fridge.
He repeats the single word like a desperate prayer, over and over again, until it becomes a thoughtless action, and he tastes it in the breathe he forces himself to take when the sounds of Jae’s unbidden pain claws into him far deeper than the conversation he should not have been there to overhear.
“Stronger” He whispers, bidding his time, knowing that this was something Jae needed far more than any words of comfort he could offer.
And what else was there to say? he asks himself, what brilliant solution can you come up with now?
The questions and accusations taunt him mercilessly.
Where were you when Yunho drank that juice?
When Yoochun read the letter?
Tears him to pieces and leaves him empty and bleeding against the warm lights and words of concern.
How long did you stand there like an idiot before Jae shouted at you to call the manager?
And just how much of a help are you right now to Junsu who’s breaking himself to accomplish Yunho’s role?
Drives him kneeling against the glaringly white toilet bowl, bent over, hands braced as the acid burns through him.
But nothing comes out, nothing, despite how long he waits and pushes against the pain. There is only a shell of a man, sprawled on the tiled floor - legs too long to fit the space in between - racked with sweat and shivering against the cold.
“Stronger” He whispers over and over again, forcing the words inside him, because he desperately wants to believe that he could be.
ab
There’s no surprise in Jae’s eyes when he looks up to find Min sitting beside him, he simply takes the glass of water and allows the silence to settle back in.
Neither of them moves. There is a small berth of space between them but Min knows its comfort enough that the sleeves of their shirt are almost touching.
They sit there on the floor of their empty hallway, together, seeking refuge in the sound of each other’s steady breathing.