[FANFIC] To Insanity and Back
title: To Insanity and Back
author: Twiglet71
genre: angst
length: chaptered (2/?)
pairing: Yunho/ jaejoong
rating: pg13
Summery: Jae just can't suffer another heart break in his life. little does he know that heart break is going to be the least of his problems.
Chapter 2
The three friends sat around Jae’s dining table drinking coffee and laughing.
“I couldn’t believe it when Chun told me who he was. I really thought you would kill me because I was so rude to him!” Jae looked at his friends sheepishly.
“No I won’t kill you Jae but I do wish you would melt that ice around your heart. Someone like Yunho would be really good for you. He’s a trustworthy person and he seems to like you.” Dong Wook didn’t leave room for Jae to answer. “I had an interesting talk with him last night and it seems….” Jae looked up and cut in.
“I know I heard. I was sitting on the balcony when you came out and had your interesting talk!” Jae laughed when Min broke out in laughter at the open mouthed look Dong Wook was giving them.
“Oh my goodness! Really? Oh well then I haven’t got to recount the conversation to you and I can’t hide anything from you either.”
“No you can’t. I also had an interesting talk with him on my way out. “Jae looked down into his coffee cup. Min reached across to him.
“Tell us.”
“Well let’s just say that I know he’s interested in me and I made it clear it was a no go.” Jae continued to stare into his coffee cup.
“But why Jae? Why would you turn him down, He’s a great guy and he’s so good looking.” Dong Wook was really highlighting his friend’s positive points.
“Perhaps that’s why I don’t want to know!” Jae could talk freely to them about this because despite the history between them he did trust them as they had always been honest with him. “I look at him and my mouth goes dry and my heart speeds up. I find it hard to breathe. It’s dangerous; I don’t want to feel like this. I really don’t want to get involved with anyone let alone him. I can’t do the whole dating and being let down thing anymore.” His friends looked at him and he could see the guilt in their eyes. “I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I love you both so much so I don’t want you to feel responsible for my happiness. I just can’t let my heart hurt again. I think I might duck out of the charity event so I don’t have to see him. You do understand don’t you?” he pleaded with them to understand the insecurities he felt.
Dong Wook leant over and took his hand. “Jae, I‘m not going to let you isolate yourself because of this. I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him to back off ok?”
Jae smiled. But he still wasn’t going to that damn charity concert!
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Their eyes met and his smiled. He tried to appear clam and nonplussed but inside he was quivering. Why had he let his friends talk him into this? They had badgered him into coming to a meeting about the concert, saying that they valued his opinion and really needed his input. It was emotional blackmail as they knew Jae would feel bad about not helping out at a charitable event. Min set the drinks down on the table and he could feel Yunho’s eyes on him. This was a big mistake coming here. He looked around the bar and tried to detach himself from the conversation. He was praying that the others would turn up so the whole situation was diluted a bit. He felt Dong Wook’s eyes rest on him. He knew his friend was worried about him. This time it wasn’t guilt but genuine concern. His friend tried to involve him in the conversation but he was unresponsive and refused to be drawn beyond one word answers.
Dong Wook was actually glad when the night was over. Even though he had spoken to Yunho as he’d promised Jae he still couldn’t help feeling sorry for his friend as all of Jae’s aloofness was directed towards him.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Yunho sat alone in his apartment nursing a large scotch. His earlier conversation with his old school friend had shaken him. Being told to back off from the one person who stirred so much emotion in him shook him a bit. He had intended to get Jae’s phone number and try once again to get under his barriers. Tonight was unbearable as Jae’s frosty attitude was so blatantly directed towards him. He laughed to himself at the irony of the situation. He’d had women and men throw themselves at him over the years but he’d rebuffed them, preferring to put his energy into his work. Now he’d met the one person who he felt could become more important to him than his career and that person was doing all he could to block out his existence. Well he’d have to use different tactics. Jae had agreed to change his mind and help out after all. He’d back off but he’d try to develop their friendship. Maybe if he could get Jae to trust him…..
Jae hadn’t laughed so much in ages. Min strutted around the stage in high heels and full drag, singing his heart out to the audience. He was enjoying himself tonight despite telling himself he wouldn’t. Initially he regretted letting his friends bully him into going to the first rehearsal. He didn’t want to see Yunho again but here he was sitting alongside the singer at the final dress rehearsal two months later. He felt strangely at ease.
It was Yunho’s turn to get up on stage. He wasn’t dressed in full costume, and Jae thought that was just as well, as he was going to dress as a soldier and that would be too hot! Yunho was going to sing a montage of songs that were popular at the club and he had also been coaching Min as Min wasn’t a singer. The theme was fantasy figures so that is why Yunho had chosen to be a soldier. Jae wondered if Yunho knew that that was his fantasy. Yunho stood up and then leant down to whisper in Jae’s ear.
“I dedicate my performance to you.” Before Jae had a chance to respond the singer was making his way to the stage. Jae had grown to feel more comfortable around him since the first rehearsal a couple of months ago. He still felt his heart rate quicken when he was near but he managed to control his fear of falling for the handsome man by convincing himself that Yunho had no interest in him other than that of a friend. He mainly saw the singer when the friends all got together to drink or rehearse but over the last week they had met twice, alone, at Yunho’s apartment for dinner. He thought back to those evenings and how it felt really natural to be sitting with Yunho in his beautiful apartment just drinking and chatting. This is what convinced him that the other man no longer had romantic feelings towards him. Those evenings would be an ideal time to make a pass but the singers’ behaviour was that of a very close friend and nothing more. Jae had mixed feelings, slight disappointment but also relief. Yes, best to keep him as a friend as he made a very good friend.
Dong Wook appeared next to Yunho on the stage and after they exchanged a few words Yunho turned to the other performers and staff.
“You want me to wear it now?” Yunho looked embarrassed as a chorus of voices answered in favour of him wearing his costume. He looked at Jae pleadingly. Jae nodded his head and Yunho raised his eyebrows in disbelief as the one person he thought he was his ally betrayed him.
By the time Yunho returned to the stage the other performers and helpers had settled into their seats waiting for his performance. It was no secret that everyone thought the singer was gorgeous. when he walked on the stage Jae stopped breathing. Yunho was dressed in army combat gear, his dark hair flowing from beneath the helmet. Jae willed himself to breathe again, he sat stony still, his mouth ever so slightly open. His throat had dried up and he hoped no one spoke to him at that very moment as he was sure he was incapable of coherent thought let alone normal speech. Yunho looked down at Jae as he started to sing. The young teacher was taken aback as he realised the song Yunho had dedicated him was a love song by his favourite singer. The singers eyes were on him throughout the song, as if he was singing it just for him. Jae was so lost in the singer’s sultry voice that when the song ended he was too mesmerised to join in the wild applause and whistle from the rest of the audience. In the distance he heard Min’s voice instruct Yunho to finish his performance. The rest of the performance was much the same as again Yunho only seemed to have eyes for Jae. The combination of the songs, Yunho’s voice and uniform where too much for the younger man and when the song ended he stood up and hurriedly walked to the bathroom. He splashed his face with warm water trying to regain his composure and calm down. The feelings he had tried so hard to suppress for the last two months were threatening to take over and he began to feel vulnerable. Just as he was drying his face his ex boyfriend walked in.
“You ok Jae?” Dong Wook voiced his concern
“Yes, I’m fine.” He tried his hardest to sound casual but he couldn’t fool his friend. Dong Wook stepped forward and enfolded Jae in his strong arms. “Yeah right! I know when something’s wrong with you. Now are you going to tell me or do we have to play 20 questions?”
Jae tried to shrug him off “Oh for God’s sake.” His friend just held him tighter. “No you don’t! I think I can guess, its Yunho isn’t it.” He laughed at Jae’s discomfort. “Why don’t you just sleep with him and be done with it?” Jae raised his eyes to meet his friends. “Oh my god! You’ve really fallen for him haven’t you?” Dong Wook saw the tears fill Jae’s eyes and he held him tighter. They stood for a couple of minutes just holding each other.
“I don’t know what to do Dong Wook.” Jae’s voice sounded small and his friend sighed. He felt responsible for his ex lover’s insecurity.
“Jae if you feel that way why don’t you do something about it?”
“What if he really doesn’t want me? What if he just wants a fling? I just couldn’t go through being hurt again.” Jae sniffled against the older man’s shoulder.
Dong Wook’s heart ached for the smaller man. He knew he was in part to blame for his vulnerability when it came to affairs of the heart. If Jae’s experience with him had been the only one he’d had to deal with it would be bad enough. But every man in Jae’s life had let him down in one way or another. The younger mans sweet disposition and kindness had been taken advantage of more than once by people who had put on an appearance of caring just to sample the beautiful young man’s delights.
He pushed the crying man away slightly so he could look into his eyes.
“Jae, he has just sung a medley of love songs by your favourite singer. We heard him tell you he was dedicating the performance to you. Do you not think he was perhaps trying to tell you something?”
“I just don’t want to get hurt again.”
“Jae take a chance. You can’t go through life without love and feelings. Life like that is just not worth living is it?” Jae smiled and pushed away from his friend and checked his appearance in the mirror. “Do I look ok?”
“Beautiful, as usual.” Dong Wook kissed him on the cheek and lead him out of the bathroom by the hand. Yunho came walking towards them.
“Hi! What did you think?” the singers eyes were alive with excitement, it was clear he was still running on adrenaline.
Jae looked up at him and smiled shyly “I thought you were fantastic….” Before Jae had time to say anything else they were surrounded by the others, all chatting about what take away to get on the way to Yunho’s apartment.
author: Twiglet71
genre: angst
length: chaptered (2/?)
pairing: Yunho/ jaejoong
rating: pg13
Summery: Jae just can't suffer another heart break in his life. little does he know that heart break is going to be the least of his problems.
Chapter 2
The three friends sat around Jae’s dining table drinking coffee and laughing.
“I couldn’t believe it when Chun told me who he was. I really thought you would kill me because I was so rude to him!” Jae looked at his friends sheepishly.
“No I won’t kill you Jae but I do wish you would melt that ice around your heart. Someone like Yunho would be really good for you. He’s a trustworthy person and he seems to like you.” Dong Wook didn’t leave room for Jae to answer. “I had an interesting talk with him last night and it seems….” Jae looked up and cut in.
“I know I heard. I was sitting on the balcony when you came out and had your interesting talk!” Jae laughed when Min broke out in laughter at the open mouthed look Dong Wook was giving them.
“Oh my goodness! Really? Oh well then I haven’t got to recount the conversation to you and I can’t hide anything from you either.”
“No you can’t. I also had an interesting talk with him on my way out. “Jae looked down into his coffee cup. Min reached across to him.
“Tell us.”
“Well let’s just say that I know he’s interested in me and I made it clear it was a no go.” Jae continued to stare into his coffee cup.
“But why Jae? Why would you turn him down, He’s a great guy and he’s so good looking.” Dong Wook was really highlighting his friend’s positive points.
“Perhaps that’s why I don’t want to know!” Jae could talk freely to them about this because despite the history between them he did trust them as they had always been honest with him. “I look at him and my mouth goes dry and my heart speeds up. I find it hard to breathe. It’s dangerous; I don’t want to feel like this. I really don’t want to get involved with anyone let alone him. I can’t do the whole dating and being let down thing anymore.” His friends looked at him and he could see the guilt in their eyes. “I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I love you both so much so I don’t want you to feel responsible for my happiness. I just can’t let my heart hurt again. I think I might duck out of the charity event so I don’t have to see him. You do understand don’t you?” he pleaded with them to understand the insecurities he felt.
Dong Wook leant over and took his hand. “Jae, I‘m not going to let you isolate yourself because of this. I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him to back off ok?”
Jae smiled. But he still wasn’t going to that damn charity concert!
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Their eyes met and his smiled. He tried to appear clam and nonplussed but inside he was quivering. Why had he let his friends talk him into this? They had badgered him into coming to a meeting about the concert, saying that they valued his opinion and really needed his input. It was emotional blackmail as they knew Jae would feel bad about not helping out at a charitable event. Min set the drinks down on the table and he could feel Yunho’s eyes on him. This was a big mistake coming here. He looked around the bar and tried to detach himself from the conversation. He was praying that the others would turn up so the whole situation was diluted a bit. He felt Dong Wook’s eyes rest on him. He knew his friend was worried about him. This time it wasn’t guilt but genuine concern. His friend tried to involve him in the conversation but he was unresponsive and refused to be drawn beyond one word answers.
Dong Wook was actually glad when the night was over. Even though he had spoken to Yunho as he’d promised Jae he still couldn’t help feeling sorry for his friend as all of Jae’s aloofness was directed towards him.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Yunho sat alone in his apartment nursing a large scotch. His earlier conversation with his old school friend had shaken him. Being told to back off from the one person who stirred so much emotion in him shook him a bit. He had intended to get Jae’s phone number and try once again to get under his barriers. Tonight was unbearable as Jae’s frosty attitude was so blatantly directed towards him. He laughed to himself at the irony of the situation. He’d had women and men throw themselves at him over the years but he’d rebuffed them, preferring to put his energy into his work. Now he’d met the one person who he felt could become more important to him than his career and that person was doing all he could to block out his existence. Well he’d have to use different tactics. Jae had agreed to change his mind and help out after all. He’d back off but he’d try to develop their friendship. Maybe if he could get Jae to trust him…..
Jae hadn’t laughed so much in ages. Min strutted around the stage in high heels and full drag, singing his heart out to the audience. He was enjoying himself tonight despite telling himself he wouldn’t. Initially he regretted letting his friends bully him into going to the first rehearsal. He didn’t want to see Yunho again but here he was sitting alongside the singer at the final dress rehearsal two months later. He felt strangely at ease.
It was Yunho’s turn to get up on stage. He wasn’t dressed in full costume, and Jae thought that was just as well, as he was going to dress as a soldier and that would be too hot! Yunho was going to sing a montage of songs that were popular at the club and he had also been coaching Min as Min wasn’t a singer. The theme was fantasy figures so that is why Yunho had chosen to be a soldier. Jae wondered if Yunho knew that that was his fantasy. Yunho stood up and then leant down to whisper in Jae’s ear.
“I dedicate my performance to you.” Before Jae had a chance to respond the singer was making his way to the stage. Jae had grown to feel more comfortable around him since the first rehearsal a couple of months ago. He still felt his heart rate quicken when he was near but he managed to control his fear of falling for the handsome man by convincing himself that Yunho had no interest in him other than that of a friend. He mainly saw the singer when the friends all got together to drink or rehearse but over the last week they had met twice, alone, at Yunho’s apartment for dinner. He thought back to those evenings and how it felt really natural to be sitting with Yunho in his beautiful apartment just drinking and chatting. This is what convinced him that the other man no longer had romantic feelings towards him. Those evenings would be an ideal time to make a pass but the singers’ behaviour was that of a very close friend and nothing more. Jae had mixed feelings, slight disappointment but also relief. Yes, best to keep him as a friend as he made a very good friend.
Dong Wook appeared next to Yunho on the stage and after they exchanged a few words Yunho turned to the other performers and staff.
“You want me to wear it now?” Yunho looked embarrassed as a chorus of voices answered in favour of him wearing his costume. He looked at Jae pleadingly. Jae nodded his head and Yunho raised his eyebrows in disbelief as the one person he thought he was his ally betrayed him.
By the time Yunho returned to the stage the other performers and helpers had settled into their seats waiting for his performance. It was no secret that everyone thought the singer was gorgeous. when he walked on the stage Jae stopped breathing. Yunho was dressed in army combat gear, his dark hair flowing from beneath the helmet. Jae willed himself to breathe again, he sat stony still, his mouth ever so slightly open. His throat had dried up and he hoped no one spoke to him at that very moment as he was sure he was incapable of coherent thought let alone normal speech. Yunho looked down at Jae as he started to sing. The young teacher was taken aback as he realised the song Yunho had dedicated him was a love song by his favourite singer. The singers eyes were on him throughout the song, as if he was singing it just for him. Jae was so lost in the singer’s sultry voice that when the song ended he was too mesmerised to join in the wild applause and whistle from the rest of the audience. In the distance he heard Min’s voice instruct Yunho to finish his performance. The rest of the performance was much the same as again Yunho only seemed to have eyes for Jae. The combination of the songs, Yunho’s voice and uniform where too much for the younger man and when the song ended he stood up and hurriedly walked to the bathroom. He splashed his face with warm water trying to regain his composure and calm down. The feelings he had tried so hard to suppress for the last two months were threatening to take over and he began to feel vulnerable. Just as he was drying his face his ex boyfriend walked in.
“You ok Jae?” Dong Wook voiced his concern
“Yes, I’m fine.” He tried his hardest to sound casual but he couldn’t fool his friend. Dong Wook stepped forward and enfolded Jae in his strong arms. “Yeah right! I know when something’s wrong with you. Now are you going to tell me or do we have to play 20 questions?”
Jae tried to shrug him off “Oh for God’s sake.” His friend just held him tighter. “No you don’t! I think I can guess, its Yunho isn’t it.” He laughed at Jae’s discomfort. “Why don’t you just sleep with him and be done with it?” Jae raised his eyes to meet his friends. “Oh my god! You’ve really fallen for him haven’t you?” Dong Wook saw the tears fill Jae’s eyes and he held him tighter. They stood for a couple of minutes just holding each other.
“I don’t know what to do Dong Wook.” Jae’s voice sounded small and his friend sighed. He felt responsible for his ex lover’s insecurity.
“Jae if you feel that way why don’t you do something about it?”
“What if he really doesn’t want me? What if he just wants a fling? I just couldn’t go through being hurt again.” Jae sniffled against the older man’s shoulder.
Dong Wook’s heart ached for the smaller man. He knew he was in part to blame for his vulnerability when it came to affairs of the heart. If Jae’s experience with him had been the only one he’d had to deal with it would be bad enough. But every man in Jae’s life had let him down in one way or another. The younger mans sweet disposition and kindness had been taken advantage of more than once by people who had put on an appearance of caring just to sample the beautiful young man’s delights.
He pushed the crying man away slightly so he could look into his eyes.
“Jae, he has just sung a medley of love songs by your favourite singer. We heard him tell you he was dedicating the performance to you. Do you not think he was perhaps trying to tell you something?”
“I just don’t want to get hurt again.”
“Jae take a chance. You can’t go through life without love and feelings. Life like that is just not worth living is it?” Jae smiled and pushed away from his friend and checked his appearance in the mirror. “Do I look ok?”
“Beautiful, as usual.” Dong Wook kissed him on the cheek and lead him out of the bathroom by the hand. Yunho came walking towards them.
“Hi! What did you think?” the singers eyes were alive with excitement, it was clear he was still running on adrenaline.
Jae looked up at him and smiled shyly “I thought you were fantastic….” Before Jae had time to say anything else they were surrounded by the others, all chatting about what take away to get on the way to Yunho’s apartment.