Oh hi. AGAIN.
PUTANGINA NABURA ANG UNA KONG SINULAT!!!
BIG FUCKING BULL SHIT.
~
I was hospitalized for two nights- Monday to Wednesday morning.
They suspected dengue so they took lots of blood tests and shit.
(Yes, I'm still f*cking pissed about having to type this all over again...)
I got well, no thanks to the nurses and doctors.
All I got from them was a single paracetamol, holes in my veins, not to mention the bill they presented my grandmother.
I wonder what made me ever think of wanting to become a doctor before?
I realized, when I was in high school, that I didn't really want to be the harbinger of any bad news.
~
God, I'm the only one around without a decent life.
The more time I have to think, the more I want all this to end.
Listen to this: I want to die not because I don't want to live, but because I want it to be over.
Vague? Try this: I do want to do things, but it's only because I want them done.
I hate having to think things over and over in my head.
But mostly, I hate 'what-ifs'.
=P
Endless blabbering about what others deem inconsequential.
So what has changed over the past year?
~
More importantly, what do I want to be doing for the rest of my life?
I think what adults complain about 'us' kids these days is that we think we'll be young forever, or that we'll die before we ever experience the stuff they do.
Or maybe that's just me. =P
In any case, I am now at the stage where I need to start acting responsibly and thinking about the future. Who knows, there may be a future.
I may have a good 15 years more before I die, so I better think of what to do with that much time.
3 things:
- I want to make my family proud. I mean do something they'd really want me to be doing. Even if I hate it, at least I won't be doing it forever. I don't believe in 'forever' anyway.
- I want to make a name for myself. I don't care if I make a one-hit-wonder or one valuable artwork. Anything that people I don't know will know me for.
- I want to earn myself some self-respect. That's ultimately what I need. In fact, I need that now.
I've somehow managed to convince myself that I will never amount to anything but second-best, at most.
Talk about having very little confidence in myself.
Good thing everyone thinks I don't care. Haha.
HAHAHAHA.
~
This ride sure is much more fun without the seat-belts and safety nets.
I've been saving my own ass since I was born, so I'm not counting on any rescue team.
Not anymore.
But maybe this time around, I'll get trusted advice just before I step on the accelerator...
Di nyo gets no? Good. Ako lang. =P
~
*sigh*
People will never get to be me.
~
Well I guess I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more you show you really care, right?
BIG FUCKING BULL SHIT.
~
I was hospitalized for two nights- Monday to Wednesday morning.
They suspected dengue so they took lots of blood tests and shit.
(Yes, I'm still f*cking pissed about having to type this all over again...)
I got well, no thanks to the nurses and doctors.
All I got from them was a single paracetamol, holes in my veins, not to mention the bill they presented my grandmother.
I wonder what made me ever think of wanting to become a doctor before?
I realized, when I was in high school, that I didn't really want to be the harbinger of any bad news.
~
God, I'm the only one around without a decent life.
The more time I have to think, the more I want all this to end.
Listen to this: I want to die not because I don't want to live, but because I want it to be over.
Vague? Try this: I do want to do things, but it's only because I want them done.
I hate having to think things over and over in my head.
But mostly, I hate 'what-ifs'.
=P
Endless blabbering about what others deem inconsequential.
So what has changed over the past year?
~
More importantly, what do I want to be doing for the rest of my life?
I think what adults complain about 'us' kids these days is that we think we'll be young forever, or that we'll die before we ever experience the stuff they do.
Or maybe that's just me. =P
In any case, I am now at the stage where I need to start acting responsibly and thinking about the future. Who knows, there may be a future.
I may have a good 15 years more before I die, so I better think of what to do with that much time.
3 things:
- I want to make my family proud. I mean do something they'd really want me to be doing. Even if I hate it, at least I won't be doing it forever. I don't believe in 'forever' anyway.
- I want to make a name for myself. I don't care if I make a one-hit-wonder or one valuable artwork. Anything that people I don't know will know me for.
- I want to earn myself some self-respect. That's ultimately what I need. In fact, I need that now.
I've somehow managed to convince myself that I will never amount to anything but second-best, at most.
Talk about having very little confidence in myself.
Good thing everyone thinks I don't care. Haha.
HAHAHAHA.
~
This ride sure is much more fun without the seat-belts and safety nets.
I've been saving my own ass since I was born, so I'm not counting on any rescue team.
Not anymore.
But maybe this time around, I'll get trusted advice just before I step on the accelerator...
Di nyo gets no? Good. Ako lang. =P
~
*sigh*
People will never get to be me.
~
Well I guess I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more you show you really care, right?