Beautiful
Kurt spends second period in the bathroom, bawling.
It’s stupid and superficial and he knows that. It was just one person’s opinion of how he looked and everything inside of him is telling him that it didn’t matter.
Except it did.
It did a lot.
“You could stand to lose a couple too; your hips look like a pear.”
He tries to let positive messages about how fabulous he is and tries to bring up happy memories, but all he feels is fat, and ugly and just plain terrible about himself.
From the façade he wears, one would think that Kurt was in control of his body. That he loved himself, inside and out, and that he knew he was gorgeous no matter what.
But the truth was that Kurt had never felt beautiful. He felt…average on his best days and on his worst…unspeakable.
And honestly, he thought to himself, what reason did he have for feeling beautiful? No one had ever told him. True, he was dating Finn, and that should make him happy, and it did…but Finn, while he had told Kurt countless other things, he had never commented on how Kurt looked.
Kurt wipes his eyes, stands up and looks at himself in the mirror. He examines his hips from every angle, seeing every ripple of fat that sat happily there. He grimaces in disgust, splashes cold water on his face, and heads to his next class with a plan.
At lunch, Mercedes is eating “healthily”, which isn’t that much different from a normal meal for them. Kurt looks down at the bowl of peeled celery he’s having for a lunch and hears his stomach whine pitifully. Instead of admitting this weakness, he hardens himself and remarks, “Mercedes, you have to lose 10 pounds. That’s like one of my butt cheeks.”
Ugh. As if to remind himself of that fact.
She looks at him confusedly and almost hurt, but he figures the truth hurts.
He continues, “I’m having peeled celery and for breakfast I had Splenda.”
And celery was a negative calorie food, right? Granted, it had no flavor, but it would all be worth it when he looked fabulous and slim.
Right?
Later on, he’s with Finn, after their date, and their sitting on Kurt’s couch in his room talking and kissing. Finn tries to deepen the kiss and Kurt pulls back, looking down.
“What’s wrong?” Finn asks, with that adorable lopsided grin and a confused glint in his eye, “Did I do something? Did I hurt you?”
Kurt shakes his head. “No.”
Finn’s eyes soften. “Then what’s wrong?” he says, brushing a stray strand of hair from Kurt’s cheek.
Kurt looks down, a tear falling down his face. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, anything.”
“D-do you think I’m beautiful?”
“W-what? Of course I do. Why would you think I don’t?” Finn asks, disbelief in his eyes.
“It’s just…you’ve never told me before and today…never mind.”
“Who said something to you? I’ll kick the crap out of them.”
Kurt laughs bitterly. “You might not want to do that, considering it’s Sue.”
“What do you mean? She’s a teacher, she can’t do that!” Finn says incredulously.
“She was t-telling Mercedes that she needs to lose 10 pounds or she’s off the squad a-and I was standing up for her and she said,” he sniffed, “’You could lose a few pounds too, your hips look like pears.’”
Finn’s eyes widen and he pulls Kurt into a hug. “Baby, don’t let that bother you! You’re- fuck, you’re gorgeous. Beautiful.”
Kurt looks up. “Do you mean that?”
Finn grins. “I do.”
Kurt smiles and sags against Finn. “Thank you.”
Finn looks at Kurt, a mischievous smile on his face before flipping them and pinning Kurt beneath him.
“Plus, I like having something to be able to hold on to. Nothing grosser than bone on bone,” he said, grabbing Kurt’s hips roughly.
Kurt giggled, “I love the way you think Finn.”