you know i was thinking about your post, and i don't know if this is the same thing, but maybe it is.
remember when i thought everyone was silly for being sad about leaving high school, and how i thought i was so strong and unnaive because i knew that every one was full of bullshit and being pansy emo kids. but i was the silly one thinking that things would always be the same. that she would always be your best friend, and he would always be by your side and there would always be the nights spent doing something that would have gotten you grounded and the shows and the naive joy.
but then i got stuck in trying to live in all these memories when she wasn't the friend she promised, and he was no longer there and there was need to worry about being grounded because i wasn't a kid anymore and all the shows became indie and there was no joy because i used to have it easy.
but see thomas, the memories are good, but then they aren't. i always thought they were good because everyone could stay just perfect. then i started mixing up what memory belonged to what person. but one day i was listening to speed of mutation and the lyrics said "some blurry half formed picture of some half forgotten friend becomes clear but i can't hold it. it happens in my dreams but i can't remember what it was that meant so much. why do i wake up feeling that i've lost something big? why do i try to hold on to things that don't exist? don't ever try to find something you left behind. don't ever try to make a memory into something. don't ever fool yourself. it always disappears."
then i changed how i felt. times are good, but they go away, you can keep them but they are cheaped if you always revisit them.
i don't know if this is the same thing. but if it is, then you aren't the only person who feels that way.
remember when i thought everyone was silly for being sad about leaving high school, and how i thought i was so strong and unnaive because i knew that every one was full of bullshit and being pansy emo kids. but i was the silly one thinking that things would always be the same. that she would always be your best friend, and he would always be by your side and there would always be the nights spent doing something that would have gotten you grounded and the shows and the naive joy.
but then i got stuck in trying to live in all these memories when she wasn't the friend she promised, and he was no longer there and there was need to worry about being grounded because i wasn't a kid anymore and all the shows became indie and there was no joy because i used to have it easy.
but see thomas, the memories are good, but then they aren't. i always thought they were good because everyone could stay just perfect. then i started mixing up what memory belonged to what person. but one day i was listening to speed of mutation and the lyrics said "some blurry half formed picture of some half forgotten friend becomes clear but i can't hold it. it happens in my dreams but i can't remember what it was that meant so much. why do i wake up feeling that i've lost something big? why do i try to hold on to things that don't exist? don't ever try to find something you left behind. don't ever try to make a memory into something. don't ever fool yourself. it always disappears."
then i changed how i felt. times are good, but they go away, you can keep them but they are cheaped if you always revisit them.
i don't know if this is the same thing. but if it is, then you aren't the only person who feels that way.
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