这是幸福的等候 或心酸的前奏
I don't know if these are the right words to start the new year off with, but here's me staying true to myself.
I feel so sorry whenever i look at the people i love, because i'm in selfish phase right now. Last year i realised how it felt to have something within my reach just taken away right before my eyes and i swore never to let myself feel that again. I feel so cold-hearted, but now i think of my dreams before anything, because if i think of my family, my friends before myself, tears spring to my eyes, and i start to falter. I keep trying to find a balance, but i'm so afraid i'd be forced to make a choice between them in the end.
I just thought that sounded very familiar, and i found that mr kim jaejoong said the exact same thing about the struggle between putting him before people like us, the fans. Jae...is it okay for me to be a little selfish this time round too? Amongst the five, it's always been you, the one whom i was able to identify with most. I remember~ Back then, back when i was so easily and immediately attracted to people similar to me, people i could find myself in, people like arron, like jaejoong, like pabo...why? Cause i kept losing myself? It's good that i don't have to do that anymore, cause you know what after a while they change and i change and then the meaning's lost. Anyway, jae, on the last day of 2010 i sat in front of the television with geraldine and sam (decided it was annoying to type fellow family friend fans) waiting to see jyj's first live performance broadcast and i wanted to tell you something. I saw the usual undying passion, but i also saw the red eyes, the skinnified face, the half smiles. I wanted to tell you not to be afraid. DBSK doesn't have to be afraid, because regardless of whether they are two or three, cassiopeia will be with them.
"It's your fault i'm seeing dbsk everywhere! Every time someone says a dbsk song title, I start smiling like a goof. On their own, they're already freakin awesome, but together... They're just mindblowing. What they have, it's so beautiful."
Do you hear that, dbsk? Those are the words of someone whom i introduced you to just a month ago...i like that fault of mine. Whatever i choose in the end, i'l always...i'll always want to be a cassiopeian. If nothing works out, i'll just be a cassiopeian, every now and then I'll bring back a new fan, a new person who will cheer for you, smile for you, cry for you, stand up for you, a new person who feels that magic when the five of your voices come together, a new person who understands why dbsk is different from other bands, a new person who will be another one of the millions waiting for you to return...as one.
... <- When did i start using this so often? For some reason, it makes me feel like i've been subconsciously speaking in a deflated tone.
After a few months of music identity crisis, during which my itunes was subjected immense culture shock by my playing of like 2ne1 after les mis, the top 100 countdowns in various languages have convinced me to dwell in mando pop, save for dbsk and old irish men. (I thought all the annoying english songs that i knew and always sang with the general population were like some kind of joke, then i heard them on the countdown.) My dear chinese songs, although you're going down the hill as well, i appreciate you very much.
你那种可以折叠的爱情
带给我夹着开心的伤心
有时侯挣扎着 陷落在泥泞
有时又忘了一切的飞行
面对你可以折叠的爱情
该要有什么样子的表情
为什么不能问 不能更透明
想要保护自尊的爱 藏着孤寂