It's a long way to the Magic Kingdom.
Good boys go to Disney World. Everyone else can go to Hell.
This might as well have been a Baptist mantra. Be good all year, get good grades, do what you're told, and this summer we'll go to Disney World. Disney World, my friends, was the ultimate reward. All good children yearned to frolic with Mickey, with Goofy, with Donald and the Chipmunks. If you did all that you were told, you were promised the journey to magical Orlando, to roll through the gates of the Magic Kingdom.
Disney World was the promise of your forefathers, a gift bestowed upon us all by Uncle Walt. When I was growing up, every good twelve year old boy knew ALL ABOUT Uncle Walt. Uncle Walt brought you all the animals in the world, told you tales of righteous heroes, and taught you right from wrong through that wise spirit, Jiminy Cricket, all through the Wonderful World of Disney, the unquestionable word of Walt.
Other kids would tell you not to bother. Nothing was worth being good all year. You could always go to Six Flags. Everyone could go to Six Flags. You're never all that far from one. It's a LOT easier to get to Six Flags than making that pilgrimage to Disney World. Six Flags, I'll have you know, is a sucker bet. Anyplace that will let you in for a song and a Coke can isn't worth going to, thank you very much. The weather's always hot, the food is always crappy, the prizes are terrible, and you have to wait in line just to find out that you're too short to ride the rides. Also, your favorite rollercoaster is always going to be broken.
Oh, it's a bribe, Daddy offering Disney World, no question. It's a bribe you'll take, though. The suffering will end, life will get better, and you will someday go to Disney World. Someday.
And that's Christianity, the promise of Heaven if you'll just be good and do as you're told until the suffering ends. Have fun with that.
This might as well have been a Baptist mantra. Be good all year, get good grades, do what you're told, and this summer we'll go to Disney World. Disney World, my friends, was the ultimate reward. All good children yearned to frolic with Mickey, with Goofy, with Donald and the Chipmunks. If you did all that you were told, you were promised the journey to magical Orlando, to roll through the gates of the Magic Kingdom.
Disney World was the promise of your forefathers, a gift bestowed upon us all by Uncle Walt. When I was growing up, every good twelve year old boy knew ALL ABOUT Uncle Walt. Uncle Walt brought you all the animals in the world, told you tales of righteous heroes, and taught you right from wrong through that wise spirit, Jiminy Cricket, all through the Wonderful World of Disney, the unquestionable word of Walt.
Other kids would tell you not to bother. Nothing was worth being good all year. You could always go to Six Flags. Everyone could go to Six Flags. You're never all that far from one. It's a LOT easier to get to Six Flags than making that pilgrimage to Disney World. Six Flags, I'll have you know, is a sucker bet. Anyplace that will let you in for a song and a Coke can isn't worth going to, thank you very much. The weather's always hot, the food is always crappy, the prizes are terrible, and you have to wait in line just to find out that you're too short to ride the rides. Also, your favorite rollercoaster is always going to be broken.
Oh, it's a bribe, Daddy offering Disney World, no question. It's a bribe you'll take, though. The suffering will end, life will get better, and you will someday go to Disney World. Someday.
And that's Christianity, the promise of Heaven if you'll just be good and do as you're told until the suffering ends. Have fun with that.