oh starry skies, why are you so far?
just a random rememberance of something before i go to sleep. so usually, when i hang around people i feel vibes. now that's only when i'm calm and not busy doing whatever. and today, because it wasn't so hectic, i sat in front of history, and did my english homework. then jen came. and she sat in front of me. then i started feeling this uber strong vibe. from where? i don't even know! but its the feeling i get when i try to write something profound or think profoundly. it's the exhilaration i get when i'm on the edge of my seat typing as fast as i can for a story or essay. i call it my philosophy vibe. well, when jen sat in front of me, i felt it. i've never felt it from someone before, it was strange. but it felt really good. because i love using my imagination. and this vibe was like an imagination vibe.. but i wasn't thinking about anything. jen... was... just... sitting... there...
i got to talk to her a bit more and realized, hey! her dreams, and ambitions, they're almost the same as mine! i was thinking, "how CUHRAZY." hahaha man. i'm weird. but see this! THIS!! it made me remember how much fun writing stories for a purpose was. i just need motivation to write. i love it, but i'm too lazy to begin. i have had these plots in my mind for such a long time.
i think i'm going to try that nemonan.as.dfjalskdjfa thing jen was talking about.
*crosses fingers* i hope i'll remember!
then jen was talking about how she was going to go watch eragon for her birthday party or something. and i was like. man i want to go! then i thought, "why is it like this? everytime someone invites me to a party, i always WANT to go, but i end up not going?" it's not that i don't like them. it's more like an insecurity. i don't know what i'm afraid of. am i afraid of not being "cool" enough? am i afraid of messing things up? am i too insecure about my looks? am i afraid of going and being an outcast? i don't know. but i regret not going to ANY of the parties i was invited to last year. and this year i'm drifting away from EVERYONE. at lunch, i practically not eat at all or eat by myself. it's stress and homework. it's engulfed me. i'm at the bottom of the ocean, and theres a 10 ton boulder on top of me. i feel so lost and helpless. i can't wait when i can actually clear this all out, and know what the hell i want to do when i grow up.
i got to talk to her a bit more and realized, hey! her dreams, and ambitions, they're almost the same as mine! i was thinking, "how CUHRAZY." hahaha man. i'm weird. but see this! THIS!! it made me remember how much fun writing stories for a purpose was. i just need motivation to write. i love it, but i'm too lazy to begin. i have had these plots in my mind for such a long time.
i think i'm going to try that nemonan.as.dfjalskdjfa thing jen was talking about.
*crosses fingers* i hope i'll remember!
then jen was talking about how she was going to go watch eragon for her birthday party or something. and i was like. man i want to go! then i thought, "why is it like this? everytime someone invites me to a party, i always WANT to go, but i end up not going?" it's not that i don't like them. it's more like an insecurity. i don't know what i'm afraid of. am i afraid of not being "cool" enough? am i afraid of messing things up? am i too insecure about my looks? am i afraid of going and being an outcast? i don't know. but i regret not going to ANY of the parties i was invited to last year. and this year i'm drifting away from EVERYONE. at lunch, i practically not eat at all or eat by myself. it's stress and homework. it's engulfed me. i'm at the bottom of the ocean, and theres a 10 ton boulder on top of me. i feel so lost and helpless. i can't wait when i can actually clear this all out, and know what the hell i want to do when i grow up.