we never planned on this disaster; when will I let it go?
I wonder if all high school seniors out of school feel the same way I do right now ----
Completely lost.
I've been in the most miserable mood for the past few days --- ever since school let out for the seniors, actually --- and now all the things that have been bothering me about high school and the future and the world are all coming together to attack me.
And the worst part is that there's nothing more to distract me. Prom's over and done with, graduation's two weeks away, and it's hardly that important to me anyhow, because um, yeah, it's not like it was ever much of a surprise I'm graduating ---
I went out with some of my math class today, to take a picture at Seventeen Minute Photo --- except we were missing a third of the class, so we all just went to the mall to watch Night At The Museum.
I was kinda distant throughout the whole thing, though --- which is extremely stupid of me to have let happen, because I had been sitting at home and praying for a freaking distraction, and when that distraction finally came, I stubbornly refused to be distracted.
I think I might just like being completely miserable; what other explanation is there?
After the movie, I came home and did nothing but mope and read books. I finished two today; I'm horrified at the thought of how much money I'll be spending on them this summer if I keep reading at the same rate.
This is really sad, though --- barely a week into my summer vacation, and I'm already going stir-crazy. My sister asked me what I was doing tomorrow morning, and I just stared at her. "NOTHING," I whined, and I swear to goodness, my lip trembled. "Nothing, just like I'll be doing for the next 16,000 days!"
It was a rather gross exaggeration, but my extreme boredom merits it.
My sister then tells me she'd go with me tomorrow morning to get a few job applications. ...I hugged her then. I don't know what I said, but I'm pretty sure tears of joy were running down my cheeks. :|
I'm glad on two accounts for her offer --- 1) I'm getting out of the house, heck yes! and 2) I MIGHT GET A JOB FOR THE WIN OMG.
On another note, I'm still recovering from prom night. Morning. Whatever.
I've never stayed up so late, ever.
I was really really really tired after prom, but my mind was being really stubborn; it refused to be tucked in for bed. So yeah, we all spent the night/morning just roaming the grounds, being sent back to our condo by security at two in the morning, stealing the boys' karaoke machine, and just talking.
A couple of times I slipped out onto the balcony to silently bitch at the world think -- and on one such time, I saw a shooting star. At least I think it was a shooting star. It was either that or a spaceship going into warp speed ---
Either way, I wished on it. Call me an old softy, call me superstitious --- but it seemed like the perfect end to a school year that could have been the greatest.
I won't tell you what I wished for, though ---
Suffice it to say that I'm not listening to logic again. Ah, doesn't that always happen?
But yeah, back to prom night --
I tried to get to sleep around 2:30; snuck out of the room with Laurie and Claire to go next door to where Arton and Julius were staying - Claire and Laurie successfully hijacked a spot and fell asleep. I was trying to get to sleep next to Laurie, but I felt bad about stealing the boys' room, and kinda didn't want to wake up in the morning to find my mother outside of the door, yelling what? she's in the boys' room?!
So I took my iPod and went back to the girls' room.
They were all using the karaoke machine in there, so I went out onto the balcony. That's when I saw the shooting star. Shortly after that, Diana came and told me they were turning off the machine and getting ready for bed.
So yeah, most of the girls went to bed at around 3 ----
But Kyle, Merl, Dan, and I stayed up talking on the balcony ---
Kyle and Dan weren't technically supposed to be there, but the girls ignored that on the count of eff you, propriety, you're an a-hole.
So the four of us talked and gossiped and laughed for a while -- they wanted to watch the sun rise, but then a bug flew into my mouth and I started choking ---
Understandably, after that, I proclaimed I was going to bed.
That was about 4:45 in the morning.
Going into the room, I see that Claire stole my spot on the couch when she and Laurie came back from the boys' room next door. Laurie was sleeping next to Naomi, and Rachel was sprawled on the other bed. I stole an unoccupied corner of her bed, curled up, and went to sleep.
I woke up to find Laurie cleaning up. It was around half past six. I got up then; saw that Dan and Kyle were gone, and that Merl had stolen the other corner of Rachel's bed, so that we were on opposite diagonal corners.
Afterwards, we ate breakfast, then explored Leo Palace grounds. I was really out of it then --- I barely survive on five hours of sleep; one and a half is torture.
I was able to function sufficiently, though, to get into my bathing suit and swim. Then I went back to my family's room to eat, and then we checked out and left.
At home, I crashed. When I woke up, I saw the damage that the sun had wreaked on me. My cheeks and nose were kind of red; I panicked, because I'm proud of my fair skin tone, and burnt skin really isn't flattering on me.
I don't have sunburn, though --- or if I did, it was a really really mild case. I just have a rather distinct tan line on my back now, which I'm kind of proud of. :P
That's pretty much it, though. That's how my senior year ended; with a lack of sleep, a shooting star, and sunburn.
I still need to catch up on the sleep I lost, though. :P
Now that school is over, I'm horribly at a loss. I have nothing to do; nothing to look forward to, nothing due, no deadlines ---
I'm done with GPSS.
As much as I had yearned for this day to come --- I'm really sad. :(
I've been in the school system for so long - am I really expected to function without it? It kinda grew into me -- not on me, but into me. It's been my crutch for so long, and suddenly, I'm expected to walk without it.
I know I can deal, but all the same, it's overwhelming.
It'll take a while to get over it. I know I'll feel really horrible for a while yet, especially because I'm the type of girl to get attached to everything, and the end of the school year gave me so many things to say goodbye to --
I really don't want to deal with it, though; every song playing on my iPod recently makes me want to either throw a tantrum or cry, and that's really really really annoying, because I can usually count on my iPod to make me feel better.
I'll manage, though, definitely.
First, though, I have to figure out a few things, wrap up a few loose ends.
I wonder if there are some things that I shouldn't say goodbye to?
Completely lost.
I've been in the most miserable mood for the past few days --- ever since school let out for the seniors, actually --- and now all the things that have been bothering me about high school and the future and the world are all coming together to attack me.
And the worst part is that there's nothing more to distract me. Prom's over and done with, graduation's two weeks away, and it's hardly that important to me anyhow, because um, yeah, it's not like it was ever much of a surprise I'm graduating ---
I went out with some of my math class today, to take a picture at Seventeen Minute Photo --- except we were missing a third of the class, so we all just went to the mall to watch Night At The Museum.
I was kinda distant throughout the whole thing, though --- which is extremely stupid of me to have let happen, because I had been sitting at home and praying for a freaking distraction, and when that distraction finally came, I stubbornly refused to be distracted.
I think I might just like being completely miserable; what other explanation is there?
After the movie, I came home and did nothing but mope and read books. I finished two today; I'm horrified at the thought of how much money I'll be spending on them this summer if I keep reading at the same rate.
This is really sad, though --- barely a week into my summer vacation, and I'm already going stir-crazy. My sister asked me what I was doing tomorrow morning, and I just stared at her. "NOTHING," I whined, and I swear to goodness, my lip trembled. "Nothing, just like I'll be doing for the next 16,000 days!"
It was a rather gross exaggeration, but my extreme boredom merits it.
My sister then tells me she'd go with me tomorrow morning to get a few job applications. ...I hugged her then. I don't know what I said, but I'm pretty sure tears of joy were running down my cheeks. :|
I'm glad on two accounts for her offer --- 1) I'm getting out of the house, heck yes! and 2) I MIGHT GET A JOB FOR THE WIN OMG.
On another note, I'm still recovering from prom night. Morning. Whatever.
I've never stayed up so late, ever.
I was really really really tired after prom, but my mind was being really stubborn; it refused to be tucked in for bed. So yeah, we all spent the night/morning just roaming the grounds, being sent back to our condo by security at two in the morning, stealing the boys' karaoke machine, and just talking.
A couple of times I slipped out onto the balcony to silently bitch at the world think -- and on one such time, I saw a shooting star. At least I think it was a shooting star. It was either that or a spaceship going into warp speed ---
Either way, I wished on it. Call me an old softy, call me superstitious --- but it seemed like the perfect end to a school year that could have been the greatest.
I won't tell you what I wished for, though ---
Suffice it to say that I'm not listening to logic again. Ah, doesn't that always happen?
But yeah, back to prom night --
I tried to get to sleep around 2:30; snuck out of the room with Laurie and Claire to go next door to where Arton and Julius were staying - Claire and Laurie successfully hijacked a spot and fell asleep. I was trying to get to sleep next to Laurie, but I felt bad about stealing the boys' room, and kinda didn't want to wake up in the morning to find my mother outside of the door, yelling what? she's in the boys' room?!
So I took my iPod and went back to the girls' room.
They were all using the karaoke machine in there, so I went out onto the balcony. That's when I saw the shooting star. Shortly after that, Diana came and told me they were turning off the machine and getting ready for bed.
So yeah, most of the girls went to bed at around 3 ----
But Kyle, Merl, Dan, and I stayed up talking on the balcony ---
Kyle and Dan weren't technically supposed to be there, but the girls ignored that on the count of eff you, propriety, you're an a-hole.
So the four of us talked and gossiped and laughed for a while -- they wanted to watch the sun rise, but then a bug flew into my mouth and I started choking ---
Understandably, after that, I proclaimed I was going to bed.
That was about 4:45 in the morning.
Going into the room, I see that Claire stole my spot on the couch when she and Laurie came back from the boys' room next door. Laurie was sleeping next to Naomi, and Rachel was sprawled on the other bed. I stole an unoccupied corner of her bed, curled up, and went to sleep.
I woke up to find Laurie cleaning up. It was around half past six. I got up then; saw that Dan and Kyle were gone, and that Merl had stolen the other corner of Rachel's bed, so that we were on opposite diagonal corners.
Afterwards, we ate breakfast, then explored Leo Palace grounds. I was really out of it then --- I barely survive on five hours of sleep; one and a half is torture.
I was able to function sufficiently, though, to get into my bathing suit and swim. Then I went back to my family's room to eat, and then we checked out and left.
At home, I crashed. When I woke up, I saw the damage that the sun had wreaked on me. My cheeks and nose were kind of red; I panicked, because I'm proud of my fair skin tone, and burnt skin really isn't flattering on me.
I don't have sunburn, though --- or if I did, it was a really really mild case. I just have a rather distinct tan line on my back now, which I'm kind of proud of. :P
That's pretty much it, though. That's how my senior year ended; with a lack of sleep, a shooting star, and sunburn.
I still need to catch up on the sleep I lost, though. :P
Now that school is over, I'm horribly at a loss. I have nothing to do; nothing to look forward to, nothing due, no deadlines ---
I'm done with GPSS.
As much as I had yearned for this day to come --- I'm really sad. :(
I've been in the school system for so long - am I really expected to function without it? It kinda grew into me -- not on me, but into me. It's been my crutch for so long, and suddenly, I'm expected to walk without it.
I know I can deal, but all the same, it's overwhelming.
It'll take a while to get over it. I know I'll feel really horrible for a while yet, especially because I'm the type of girl to get attached to everything, and the end of the school year gave me so many things to say goodbye to --
I really don't want to deal with it, though; every song playing on my iPod recently makes me want to either throw a tantrum or cry, and that's really really really annoying, because I can usually count on my iPod to make me feel better.
I'll manage, though, definitely.
First, though, I have to figure out a few things, wrap up a few loose ends.
I wonder if there are some things that I shouldn't say goodbye to?