conflicted thoughts
when i got back here, things started to progress in a downward spiral and i feel a vacancy in my daily routine. i'm lonely, but i have friends. i'm sad, but i'm always smiling. i can't really explain what's wrong, but i think i'm regretting things that i can't help change. i've met quite a few new people this past month, all in which i hope to get closer too. i feel as if my grip is slipping and i'm falling into a depressed state. i'll be happy, hanging out with people. then i overthink, and then i get that lonely feeling i wish i'd never felt. i need someone to tell me 'good job' when i do something right, or tell me i'm not screwing up as bad as i think i am. i'm trying to stay positive, but it's hard sometimes. i feel like my mom and jim never support me, but i've felt that way since... well since my dad died. i've had a crappy run of stepfathers, my mom is 0.5-2. jim is somewhat decent, but like i posted in my last entry, he doesn't show he cares. i think i need a girlfriend. or something. someone i can be with and that can make me happy. i'm not totally depressed yet, but i feel half empty inside. not to sound pessimistic. i'm playing soccer tonight. that will help. i always feel better after soccer. sorry if you were looking for an uplifiting entry.. i'll try for that next time