yay for as otp
January's theme for fst is anything goes (round 2). I'll try to finish my Rosiel/Katan mix by then.
But honestly, I really don't know how I manage to drag myself into these things. I can't even scapegoat someone else because I know this is all my fault--I'm the one who always associates these random songs with deeply personal notions/encounters/memories/what have you. It's a form of translation, so to speak. But I think I should really try to stop thinking once in a while, even though I already have a reputation for being a space cadet. =_= And really, this is going to be rather sadistic of me because how in hell are you supposed to make a HAPPY FST for Rosiel and Katan?
It's supposed to be a tearjerker by default--even though they have a happy ending, it comes with such a costly price that--well, yes. You know. I'll have to discern how well I've put the FST together by directly relating it to how much people cry/wail/threaten to kill me. But this is getting rather frightening; I've listened to these songs on loop for some 70+ times. And there's Bjork. And lots of random sad songs by people you've never heard of before in your life. Erm. I can certainly say that I've never constructed something so sad before--not even the Boys Next Door FST can compare, because that is a different kind of hurt; it's not as if people didn't realize that they loved so-and-so while so-and-so was pining in the corner for you for a couple of centuries straight. And then in AS there's also that change in dynamic: father/son --> parent/child --> lover/lover, which only makes the characters and storyline more complex and 3 dimensional than ever--it's like evolution. They transform themselves and we get to see it. Readers can view how demented and sad their relationship becomes, seeing as it's spread out in 20 different volumes.
Mostly I just think that oh, Rosiel, you are an idiot and you make me cry and Katan loves you from the very moment you gave him a body, but you've never realized that, have you? Until it's too late. Rosiel is both creator and destroyer, but the one that he destroys the most? Is most likely himself. I think it's a certain combination of humility and (the direct opposite) narcissism--one convinces oneself that there is no one that will love them (humility), and so one has to compensate by loving oneself excessively (narcissism). It's certainly a big catch-22 because how the hell are you supposed to love yourself when no one else loves you/finds you special/etc? (Though this is more applicable to Rosiel than at first glance, seeing as all the people who "love" him are, more or less, sycophants. And I think this catch-22 was mentioned in CLAMP's 20 Mensou ni Onegai? In any case, Akira is much better at explaining it than I am, so. XDXD) It's also vaguely masochistic, IMHO. It's almost as if you are subconsciously denying self happiness because you feel that you do not deserve it and all that bull. And plus Rosiel is always fixated upon Alexiel (whom he thinks is the only one who has never loved him--though we learn later on that this is not entirely the case, is it?--despite Rosiel's status as God's most beautiful and loved angel.) And so Katan's love gets pushed into the background multiple times. For the most part, Rosiel has eyes only for his twin--it's almost like a convoluted and intense parallel to Michael and Lucifer's history. (Though Lucifer, unlike Alexiel, just does not care about his brother. Like, at all. But that's another matter altogether that really does not lead anywhere but AS OTP #2: Raphael/Michael ahahaha. *is shot*) But of course no one will ever know what exactly idiocy is until they see Rosiel doing you-know-what to Katan. (That thing with blood, that is. If I have to explain this further I think I'll--Oh god.) Then, Rosiel is not so much an idiot as much as he is an IDIOT. I mean, I love these characters, but sometimes I feel they need to be... smacked? Or at least educated in How To Avoid And/Or Eliminate Tunnel Vision. <33 And yet, somehow, a happy ending prevails!! (This is why I love Sensei so much. No matter what the situation is, or how it's going, there is always--always--a happy ending, Boys Next Door included.)
In conclusion: Please know who the hell you're in love with before destroying them. It's just more efficient if one goes about doing it without having to perform necrophilia. No, really.
Did this discussion make any sense...? Prolly not. >_> Later I'll be sure to elaborate on this (although it might just morph into a ship manifesto rather than a character analysis if I'm not careful) and then post about Yuki Kaori vs. CLAMP with respect to sadism, fan service, and happy endings. Um. I really don't make any sense, do I.
But I do hope to make it in time before the month ends.
P.S., Must remind myself to repost Boys Next Door FST. Just because? I feel like it. >_>
But honestly, I really don't know how I manage to drag myself into these things. I can't even scapegoat someone else because I know this is all my fault--I'm the one who always associates these random songs with deeply personal notions/encounters/memories/what have you. It's a form of translation, so to speak. But I think I should really try to stop thinking once in a while, even though I already have a reputation for being a space cadet. =_= And really, this is going to be rather sadistic of me because how in hell are you supposed to make a HAPPY FST for Rosiel and Katan?
It's supposed to be a tearjerker by default--even though they have a happy ending, it comes with such a costly price that--well, yes. You know. I'll have to discern how well I've put the FST together by directly relating it to how much people cry/wail/threaten to kill me. But this is getting rather frightening; I've listened to these songs on loop for some 70+ times. And there's Bjork. And lots of random sad songs by people you've never heard of before in your life. Erm. I can certainly say that I've never constructed something so sad before--not even the Boys Next Door FST can compare, because that is a different kind of hurt; it's not as if people didn't realize that they loved so-and-so while so-and-so was pining in the corner for you for a couple of centuries straight. And then in AS there's also that change in dynamic: father/son --> parent/child --> lover/lover, which only makes the characters and storyline more complex and 3 dimensional than ever--it's like evolution. They transform themselves and we get to see it. Readers can view how demented and sad their relationship becomes, seeing as it's spread out in 20 different volumes.
Mostly I just think that oh, Rosiel, you are an idiot and you make me cry and Katan loves you from the very moment you gave him a body, but you've never realized that, have you? Until it's too late. Rosiel is both creator and destroyer, but the one that he destroys the most? Is most likely himself. I think it's a certain combination of humility and (the direct opposite) narcissism--one convinces oneself that there is no one that will love them (humility), and so one has to compensate by loving oneself excessively (narcissism). It's certainly a big catch-22 because how the hell are you supposed to love yourself when no one else loves you/finds you special/etc? (Though this is more applicable to Rosiel than at first glance, seeing as all the people who "love" him are, more or less, sycophants. And I think this catch-22 was mentioned in CLAMP's 20 Mensou ni Onegai? In any case, Akira is much better at explaining it than I am, so. XDXD) It's also vaguely masochistic, IMHO. It's almost as if you are subconsciously denying self happiness because you feel that you do not deserve it and all that bull. And plus Rosiel is always fixated upon Alexiel (whom he thinks is the only one who has never loved him--though we learn later on that this is not entirely the case, is it?--despite Rosiel's status as God's most beautiful and loved angel.) And so Katan's love gets pushed into the background multiple times. For the most part, Rosiel has eyes only for his twin--it's almost like a convoluted and intense parallel to Michael and Lucifer's history. (Though Lucifer, unlike Alexiel, just does not care about his brother. Like, at all. But that's another matter altogether that really does not lead anywhere but AS OTP #2: Raphael/Michael ahahaha. *is shot*) But of course no one will ever know what exactly idiocy is until they see Rosiel doing you-know-what to Katan. (That thing with blood, that is. If I have to explain this further I think I'll--Oh god.) Then, Rosiel is not so much an idiot as much as he is an IDIOT. I mean, I love these characters, but sometimes I feel they need to be... smacked? Or at least educated in How To Avoid And/Or Eliminate Tunnel Vision. <33 And yet, somehow, a happy ending prevails!! (This is why I love Sensei so much. No matter what the situation is, or how it's going, there is always--always--a happy ending, Boys Next Door included.)
In conclusion: Please know who the hell you're in love with before destroying them. It's just more efficient if one goes about doing it without having to perform necrophilia. No, really.
Did this discussion make any sense...? Prolly not. >_> Later I'll be sure to elaborate on this (although it might just morph into a ship manifesto rather than a character analysis if I'm not careful) and then post about Yuki Kaori vs. CLAMP with respect to sadism, fan service, and happy endings. Um. I really don't make any sense, do I.
But I do hope to make it in time before the month ends.
P.S., Must remind myself to repost Boys Next Door FST. Just because? I feel like it. >_>